— the queen mystic– meerabai : )
Kabir is right; he says, “I laugh…” It looks a little hard, looks a little cruel, that a man like Kabir should say:
I LAUGH WHEN I HEAR THAT THE.FISH IN THE WATER IS THIRSTY.
It is not cruel, it is not hard. It’s simply how it should be. All the Buddhas have been laughing; they may have said so, they may not have said so. Hotei laughed publicly; Gautam Buddha must have laughed privately, but laughter is bound to be there.
I am saying it because this is my own experience too. When you come with all your miseries to me, I listen very sympathetically — I don’t laugh. But deep down there is laughter. I listen, very patiently and very attentively… I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to be impolite to you. But if you want to know the truth, then the reality is that you are simply showing how ridiculous you are, how stupid you are. And God is not responsible for your stupidity. It is your own work. God creates every human being with great intelligence. You can see in children’s eyes: all children are intelligent. It is very difficult to find a stupid child. If you can find a stupid child, that
simply means he is already old.
Children are so overflowing with intelligence. Where does all this intelligence disappear to? What happens to this intelligence? The society is against intelligence; the society does not want intelligent people to be around. Intelligent people seem to he dangerous to the society.
The society wants stupid people because stupid people are easy to manage, easy to dominate, easy to manipulate, easy to order. Stupid people are obedient — even where obedience is sin they are obedient. Stupid people can be forced to become machines, and
the society needs machines, not men. The society is not interested in you; it is interested in your efficiency. And machines certainly are more efficient than men. The machine is the model, and man has to follow the model. Make man more and more stupid and he
will come closer and closer to the machine. He will be a good clerk, a good station master, a good teacher in a school, a good collector… but unintelligent. If he is intelligent, he may not be a clerk at all; he may not waste his life in writing stupid
documents, collecting garbage in files. He may be more respectful towards his own being. He may choose some other way to live. He will not be just a deputy collector. How can you ask an intelligent man to be just a policeman? Impossible! And where will you
find the thousands and thousands for your armies? Intelligent people are not cattle; intelligent people cannot be told to do stupid things. They will say, “No!”
Just think: the man who dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima, if he had been intelligent he would have simply said “No!” Even at the risk of his own life he would have said no. He would have said, “If you want to kill me, kill me, but I am not going to kill one
hundred thousand people. They have not committed any sin. They are innocent civilians – – small children, old people…. They have no responsibility for the war! They have not caused it. Why should I drop the atom bomb? It is better to die than to kill one hundred
thousand people.”
If the man had been intelligent, he would have immediately said no. But he must have been utterly stupid: he dropped the atom bomb, and had a good night’s sleep. His sleep was not disturbed.
In the morning when he was asked, “Could you sleep in the night?” he said, “Certainly, I slept well! I did my duty, I finished my job, and then I had a good night’s sleep. Whenever I do my duty perfectly well, I always sleep well.” One hundred thousand people burnt within five seconds, and not even a nightmare came
to this man? Just think: we must have destroyed his intelligence totally; we must have reduced him to a machine. Machines don’t have any conscience, machines don’t have any consciousness, machines don’t have any heart. And the society needs machines, more and more efficient machines. Hence the universities go on reducing people to stupid people.
If you are a BA it means you have a certificate that you have lost much of your intelligence. If you are an MA, even more; if you are a PhD, finished! No hope for you.
YOU DON’T GRASP THE FACT THAT WHAT IS MOST ALIVE OF ALL IS INSIDE YOUR OWN HOUSE; AND SO YOU WALK FROM ONE HOLY CITY TO THE NEXT WITH A CONFUSED LOOK!
YOU CAN SEE — all faces look confused. It is very rare to find a face which does not look confused, which has a transparency to it, a clarity. And whenever a face has clarity, transparency, the face has beauty — a beauty that is not of the physical body only, a
beauty that is something from the beyond, a beauty that wells up from within. But look at people’s faces — just confused, split, schizophrenic. That’s what their being is: their faces are only reflecting their being. Faces are mirrors. One part of yom being wants to go to the north, another part wants to go to the south, and another part to the east and another still to the west… and you are torn apart. Your faces show that — a confused look.
You don’t know who you are, where you are, why you are. Everything seems to be just accidental. You feel like a driftwood with no direction, with no sense of direction even.
Where are you going? Why are you? For what? The question mark is there on every face, and the reason? Kabir is right — the reason is you have not looked at the deepest core of your being, where there is a space, a center of the cyclone, a space which is indivisible. In
fact, that space known makes you an individual. ‘Individual’ means indivisible — one who is not falling in parts, one who is one piece.
And when the Buddhas call “Wake up! Wake up!” what do they mean? They mean that your heart is asleep. Your head is very awake, but the awakening of the head is in reality a metaphysical sleep. Unless the heart wakes up, you are only dreaming — dreams and dreams, even dreams that you are awake, dreams of wakefulness, dreams of becoming religious, dreams of becoming saints, holy, but they are all dreams.
People even think about God! It is such an absurdity. People even try to prove God through arguments. God cannot be proved, because anything that can be proved can also be disproved. If God depends on logic, then logic is God, then logic is higher than God.
No, God does not depend on logic. In fact, if you are too logical, you will not be able at all to sense the presence of God in existence. And the loss is going to be yours, because not to feel the presence of God in existence is to miss the whole point of life. And man lives in thoughts, arguments, theories, philosophies. And the danger is that if you talk too much about God and you read too much about God and you discuss too much about God, you may be able to deceive yourself Millions have deceived themselves
in this way.
FRIEND WAKE UP! WHY DO YOU GO ON SLEEPING?
Man is deep asleep. What does his sleep consist of? He is asleep because he has forgotten the route to his heart. He is alert as far as mathematics is concerned; he is fully alert as far as calculation is concerned, he is awake as far as the world is concerned and worldly
concerns are concerned — for money, for power, for prestige, respectability, he is fully awake! He is awake only for the mundane. He is awake only for the meaningless. He collects garbage with great alertness. But he is asleep for the precious, for the sacred. He
sees the trees, but he cannot see the green life flowing in them. He sees the mountains, but he cannot feel the beauty and the virgin silence. He sees people, but people look like machines. He cannot feel their souls — he has not even felt his own soul, how can he feel anybody else’s soul? He has not even become aware of who he is.
EXCERPTS FROM THE GOSPEL OF SRI RAMAKRISHNA :
Advice to Hazra – Scriptures and sadhana
(To Hazra) “If there is knowledge of one, there is also knowledge of many. What will you achieve by mere study of the scriptures? The scriptures contain a mixture of sand and sugar, as it were. It is extremely difficult to separate the sugar from the sand. Therefore one should learn the essence of the scriptures from the teacher or from a sadhu. Afterwards what does one care for books?
(To the devotees) “Gather all the information and then plunge in. Suppose a pot has dropped in a certain part of a lake. Locate the spot and dive there.
“One should learn the essence of the scriptures from the guru and then practise sadhana. If one rightly follows spiritual discipline, then one directly sees God. The discipline is said to be rightly followed only when one plunges in. What will a man gain by merely reasoning about the words of the scriptures? Ah, the fools! They reason themselves to death over information about the path. They never take the plunge. What a pity! “You may say, even though you dive deep you are still in danger of sharks and crocodiles, of lust and anger. But dive after rubbing your body with turmeric powder; then sharks and crocodiles will not come near you. The turmeric is
discrimination and renunciation.
Master’s spiritual practice:
(To the devotees) “God made me pass through the disciplines of various paths. First according to the Purana, then according to the Tantra. I also followed the disciplines of the Vedas. At first I practised sadhana in the Panchavati. I made a grove of tulsi-plants and used to sit inside it and meditate. Sometimes I cried with
a longing Heart, ‘Mother! Mother!’ Or I again, ‘Rama! Rama!’
“While repeating the name of Rama, I sometimes assumed the attitude of Hanuman and fixed a tail to the lower end of my backbone. I was in a Godintoxicated state. At that time I used to put on a silk robe and worship the Deity. What joy I experienced in that worship! “I practised the discipline of the Tantra under the bel-tree. At that time I could see no distinction between the sacred tulsi and any other plant. In that state I sometimes ate the leavings from a jackal’s meal,16 food that had been exposed the
whole night, part of which might have been eaten by snakes or other creatures. Yes, I ate that stuff.
“Sometimes I rode on a dog and fed him with luchi, also eating part of the bread myself. I realized that the whole world was filled with God alone. One cannot have spiritual realization without destroying ignorance; so I would assume the attitude of
a tiger and devour ignorance. “While practising the disciplines of the Vedas, I became a sannyasi. I used to lie down in the chandni and say to Hriday: ‘I am a sannyasi. I shall take my meals
here.’
“I vowed to the Divine Mother that I would kill myself if I did not see God. I said to Her: ‘O Mother, I am a fool. Please teach me what is contained in the Vedas, the Puranas, the Tantras, and the other scriptures.’ The Mother said to me, ‘The essence of the Vedanta is that Brahman alone is real and the world illusory.’The
Satchidananda Brahman described in the Vedas is the Satchidananda Siva of the Tantra and the Satchidananda Krishna of the Purana. The essence of the Gita is what you get by repeating the word ten times. It is reversed into ‘tagi’, which indicates renunciation.
“After the realization of God, how far below lie the Vedas, the Vedanta, the Purana, the Tantra! (To Hazra) I cannot utter the word ‘Om’ in samadhi. Why is that? I cannot say ‘Om’ unless I come down very far from the state of samadhi. “I had all the experiences that one should have, according to the scriptures, after one’s direct perception of God. I behaved like a child, like a madman, like a
ghoul, and like an inert thing. “I saw the visions described in the scriptures. Sometimes I saw the universe filled with sparks of fire. Sometimes I saw all the quarters glittering with light, as
if the world were a lake of mercury. Sometimes I saw the world as if made of liquid silver. Sometimes, again, I saw all the quarters illumined as if with the light of Raman candles. So you see my experiences tally with those described in the scriptures.
“It was revealed to me further that God Himself has become the universe and all its living beings and the twenty-four cosmic principles. It is like the process of evolution and involution.”Oh, what a state God kept me in at that time! One experience would hardly be over before another overcame me. It was like the movement of the huskingmachine: no sooner is one end down than the other goes up. “I would see God in meditation, in the state of samadhi, and I would see the same God when my mind came back to the outer world. When looking at this side of the mirror I would see Him alone, and when looking on the reverse side I saw the same
God.”
The devotees listened to these words with rapt attention:
(To the Mukherji brothers) “Captain is now really in the state of the sadhaka. That the mere possession of wealth should create, attachment is by no means true. Sambhu Mallick used to say to Hriday, ‘Hridu, I have packed my things and am ready for the journey.’ I said to him: ‘God forbid! Why do you say such ominous
words?’ ‘No’, replied Sambhu. ‘Please bless me that I may cast aside all these possessions and go to God.’
“God’s devotees have nothing to fear. They are His own He always stands by them. Once Duryodhana and his brothers were imprisoned by the gandharvas. It was Yudhisthira who freed them. Yudhisthira said, ‘If our relatives are placed in such a plight, then it is our disgrace.’ ”
Occult powers:
“It is very troublesome to possess occult powers. Nangta taught me this by a story. A man who had acquired occult powers was sitting on the seashore when a storm arose. It caused him great discomfort; so he said, ‘Let the storm stop.’ His words could not remain unfulfilled. At that moment a ship was going full sail before
the wind. When the storm ceased abruptly the ship capsized and sank. The passengers perished and the sin of causing their death fell to the man. And because of that sin he lost his occult powers and went to hell.
“Once upon a time a sadhu acquired great occult powers. He was vain about them. But he was a good man and had some austerities to his credit. One day the Lord, disguised as a holy man, came to him and said, ‘Revered sir, I have heard that you have great occult powers.’ The sadhu received the Lord cordially and offered him a
seat. Just then an elephant passed by. The Lord, in the disguise of the holy man, said to the sadhu, ‘Revered sir, can you kill this elephant if you like?’ The sadhu said, ‘Yes, it is possible.’ So saying, he took a pinch of dust, muttered some mantras over it, and threw it at the elephant. The beast struggled awhile in pain and then
dropped dead. The Lord said: ‘What power you have! You have killed the elephant!’ The sadhu laughed. Again the Lord spoke: ‘Now can you revive the elephant?’ ‘That too is possible’, replied the sadhu. He threw another pinch of charmed dust at the
beast. The elephant writhed about a litle and came back to life. Then the Lord said: ‘Wonderful is your power. But may I ask you one thing? You have killed the elephant and you have revived it. But what has that done for you? Do you feel uplifted by it? Has it enabled you to realize God?’ Saying this the Lord vanished.
“Subtle are the ways of dharma. One cannot realize God if one has even the least trace of desire. A thread cannot pass through the eye of a needle if it has the smallest fibre sticking out.
“Krishna said to Arjuna, ‘Friend, if you want to realize Me, you will not succeed if you have even one of the eight occult powers.’ This is the truth. Occult power is sure to beget pride, and pride makes one forget God.
“Once a cross-eyed rich man came here. He said to me: ‘You are a paramahamsa. That is good. You must perform a swastyayana ceremony for me.’ What a small-minded person he was! He called me a paramahamsa and yet wanted me to perform that ceremony. To secure welfare by means of the swastyayana is to exercise occult power.
“An egotistic person cannot realize God. Do you know what egotism is like? It is like a high mound, where rain-water cannot collect: the water runs off. Water collects in low land. There seeds sprout and grow into trees. Then the trees bear fruit.
“Therefore I say to Hazra, ‘Never think that you alone have true understanding and that others are fools.’ One must love all. No one is a stranger. It is Hari alone who dwells in all beings. Nothing exists without Him.
“The Lord said to Prahlada, ‘Ask a boon of Me.’ ‘I have seen You’, replied Prahlada. ‘That is enough. I don’t need anything else.’ But the Lord insisted. Thereupon Prahlada said, ‘If You must give me a boon, let it be that those who have tortured me may not have to suffer punishment.’ The meaning of those words is that it was God who tortured Prahlada in the form of his persecutors, and, if they suffered punishment, it would really be God who suffered.
An enlightened master says :
WHAT I HAVE HERE IS EVERYWHERE, but maybe you cannot see it somewhere else. You need a certain space in which you can relax — that space is nowhere else. Religion is very serious all over the world; religion here with me is a non-serious phenomenon. Elsewhere life is taken as a great problem, a theological problem. HERE it is thought to be a beautiful joke! Prayer is thought to be very sacred in other places. Here,
just to be celebrating, ANYTHING… the whole question is just to be celebrating. If you are eating your food with celebration, it is prayer; if you are taking your bath with celebration, it is prayer. If you have joy in the heart, it is prayer. Prayer is not a ritual here; you need not repeat certain words, you need not move through certain gestures. Prayer is a quality here, not an activity — a flavour, a subtle dance of your inner energy.
Listening to the birds… and it is prayer! Seeing the trees, all their green and all their red and all their gold, is prayer. A bird on the wing, and you simply watching with great joy, with a certain relatedness to the bird, a certain affinity, empathy — as if you are on the wing — it is prayer.
Prayer is not something special here: it is the day-to-day ordinary life, with a new quality — the quality of joy added to it, the quality of surrender and offering added to it. Any act offered to God is sacred. And if you can offer all your acts to God, everything is sacred.
Your teachings cannot be of any help — only your life. Live! If you really love your children, live in such a way that they start feeling that there ARE things which are not visible but still they are. You need not convince them. They don’t ask for proofs, they don’t understand proofs. They are not asking for arguments — they are asking for existential experiences.
And they are always ready to go on any adventure — more ready than you. You may be afraid for safety, security, and a thousand and one things — children are never afraid.
Children are more fearless than you. They can have a more immediate contact with God than you can ever have.
But we give them so many rotten theories, and in the name of religion, too, we go on teaching them a kind of ambitiousness, competitiveness: “Be better than others! Be more religious than others! Be holier than others! Be purer than others, more virtuous, more righteous! Then God will reward you. And if you are not, you will be punished in hell.” This is psychological conditioning, making them afraid and making them greedy — and you call this religion? To make a person fearful is religion? Religion is when a person
becomes fearless. To make a person greedy for rewards in the other life is religion? Religion is when there is no greed.
And you make them competitive: “Compete with others! Be more virtuous, more saintly. Look at other boys, how well-behaved they are and how religious they are!” You are creating in their mind a subtle ego, a pious ego, so when the boy goes to the church he
feels holier than everybody else. He looks all around — he knows he is higher. He has risen on the ladder; soon the paradise will be his.
This is poisoning your children with competitiveness. This competitiveness is there in the marketplace, it is in the monastery too. In the marketplace it can be forgiven, but not in the monastery. When people are rushing for money, it’s okay, understandable, that they will be competitive. But for virtue too, the same rush? And once the goal becomes too important, then means lose all importance. When the end becomes all-important, then any means will do, fair or foul, but one has to attain to the
end.
This is not creating religiousness. A religious mind is non-competitive, utterly unambitious. He has nowhere to go — no hell to fear, no heaven to attain. He is RIGHT now in God, in THIS very moment. His this moment is all and all. And he never compares himself with anybody else. Your saints go on comparing: Who is higher? Who is a bigger saint? And all these so-called saints are just stupid children, still thinking in terms of what they have learnt in their schools, still not out of their teens.
Competition, competition, competition… everywhere competition. And this story is not just a story: if you ask Sigmund Freud he will say exactly this that that is from where Competition arises. Small boys become very much worried about their genital organs:
“Who has the bigger one?” All competition is rooted there, originates there! And then it spreads all over your life. It
is sexual basically. Then it takes many forms, many masks and facades: Who has the biggest car? It is nothing but the same story: Whose prick is bigger? Who has the biggest house? It is the same story again. These are different symbols for the same sexual
competition.
And who is the greatest saint? — the story is not different…
Never be a
revolutionary: be a rebel. A rebel is not AGAINST the past; the past is not even worth that. To be against it m.ans to be focussed on it; to be against it means you are paying too much attention to it. To be against it means you are hypnotized by it. A few are for it — they are hypnotized. And a few are against it — they are hypnotized.
The rebel is one who simply sees the whole futility of it, and without fighting drops it. If you fight, it will cling to you; if you fight, you have to cling to it. It will become your definition. Don’t let the past define you; simply slip out of it, just like a snake slips out of the old skin — and never even looks back. That is the way of the rebel.
I teach the way of the rebel. That is the way of religion — religion is rebellion, not revolution. And it gives immense respect to the individual. Each one can be a rebel in his own way: just simply slip out of the past. There is no need to struggle with it — it is no MORE there. And if you go on fighting… you don’t have that long a life. The past has been very long — millions of years — how are you going to fight with it in a life that
consists at the most of seventy or eighty years? In this small life span, how are you going to fight with the past which is so huge, immense?
The only wise way is to slip out of it; there is no need to fight with it.
Beware of your mind — it is always trying ways and means, strategies, tactics, to remain as it is. It can wear masks, it can become religious, it can go to the church, it can read the
Bibles and the Vedas… and still it will find only ways and means to remain itself. Zareen, Buddha’s statement has been taken by people as if he has said, “Life cannot be bliss.” It is impossible. “Life is misery and it is going to remain misery — to be miserable
is life’s intrinsic quality,” people have taken it that way. That is not true. I know it is not true.
I say to you: your life is misery, but it need not be so. It is misery because you have not tried to transform it; you have not worked on it. It is misery because you are still unborn.
It is misery because the opportunity is being wasted, and you are not being creative. It is misery because you are not behaving intelligently. Be intelligent. And I don’t mean by ‘intelligence’ be intellectual — intellectuals are not necessarily intelligent people, and intelligent people are not necessarily intellectuals.
Almost always the case is that the intellectual is only a pretend, he is pseudo; by being intellectual he is trying to convince himself and others that he is intelligent. What is the criterion of being an intelligent person? Only one criterion: if you can create
bliss in your life you are intelligent — otherwise there is no other way to prove it. If you can create a paradise around yourself, if you can remain in a constant cheerfulness, cheerfulness becomes just your very milieu, then you are intelligent.
Be intelligent and life is bliss; be stupid and life is misery. It all depends on you:)
A man came to St. Augustine and asked him, “I am illiterate, very old, not much life is left. I cannot go into great austerities; the energy is ebbing. I am just on the verge of death. I have walked many miles just to see you and ask you something very simple. I
have not come to listen to great philosophy — just something very simple, a single word will do. You just simply tell me a single word that I can keep in my heart and I can follow it for whatsoever of my life is left.”
It is said St. Augustine closed his eyes… his disciples were very much puzzled. It had never happened before. Great theologians had come, great philosophers had visited; they had asked very complicated, very difficult questions, and Augustine was never known to meditate over those questions. His answers were immediate. “What is he doing? This old villager’s question — and he is meditating?” For half an hour he meditated, and then he opened his eyes and he said, “Then I can say only one thing: love and then whatsoever you do is right.”
Remember love. Love is the quintessence of the whole of religion, the very perfume of all the flowers that have bloomed in the name of religion — Buddha, Krishna, Christ, Mohammed, Zarathustra, Lao Tzu, Kabir, Farid, Nanak, Meera — all the flowers in all the
ages that have ever bloomed, they have the same fragrance and that fragrance is love.
If you can love, then everything is allowed — because a loving man cannot do anything wrong. Love is the only commandment. If love is not there, then even those ten commandments are not going to help at all. Ten commandments are not needed; they are
needed only because you are not ready to fulfill the first and the only commandment. Those ten commandments are just poor substitutes for the single commandment: love. And remember, love AND THEN whatsoever you do is good, is virtuous.
That’s what I go on saying in different ways: surrender and then do your own thing. Listening to me you can misunderstand, because doing your own thing has become the very flavour of the new generation. I am not saying the same thing. When I say do your
own thing, I am not repeating a hippie slogan. When I am saying do your own thing, there is a condition preceding it: surrender, trust, AND THEN…. Otherwise, what are you going to do? Without surrender whatsoever you do will come out of your ego, will come out of your unconsciousness, will come out of your past. It CAN’T come from God, and it can’t come from a conscious, alert being.
And whatsoever comes from the unconscious is going to create more and more misery for you and for others. There is enough misery; there is no need for you to contribute more to
it. There is more than enough. If you want to contribute something to it, please, first fulfill the basic requirement of surrender and trust.
Just meditate for a moment… if the ego is not there, then who is doing? Then God is doing through you, then you are just a hollow bamboo. On his lips you become a flute — the song is his. And then you will not feel so puzzled.
When a great mathematician, P. D. Ouspensky, went to see a very strange mystic, George Gurdjieff, Ouspensky was already world-famous, and Gurdjieff was not known at all; nobody had heard about him. Ouspensky had already written one of the greatest books in the world, TERTIUM ORGANUM. It is said that there are only three great books in the world: the first was written by Aristotle, Organum, and the second was written by Bacon,
NOVUM ORGANUM, and the third was written by P. D. Ouspensky, TERTIUM ORGANUM. First principle, second principle, third principle — third canon of thought, that is the meaning of Tertium Organum Ouspensky declared in the beginning of the book that the third existed even before the first ever existed. And it is NOT just pride, it is not just ego — it is true. He had discovered something of immense value; he had contributed to the world of mathematics,
logic, metaphysics, something really valuable. He was known all over the world; the book was being translated into many many languages.
And Gurdjieff was not known at all — just a small group of people knew about him. And it was not easy to approach him either; he was not available publicly. Ouspensky had great difficulties and had to wait three months to see him, and had to try many people
because only those who belonged to the inner circle of Gurdjieff were allowed to bring some new guest.
And the day he was ushered into the presence of Gurdjieff, twelve people were sitting there. Gurdjieff in the middle and all the twelve surrounding him, and there was absolute silence. And the man who had brought Ouspensky, he also sat there and closed his eyes.
Now, Ouspensky started feeling very restless; he was not even introduced. He started feeling a little embarrassed too: “What is he doing here? And what are these people doing here, just sitting silently?” Half an hour passed… and now it was almost one hour passing. Ouspensky started thinking, “What am I sitting here for?” But he could not even leave, because it looked so impolite to disturb the silence. The silence was so tangible, like a cloud the silence was sitting there.
And then Gurdjieff looked at Ouspensky, and he said, “You are feeling very restless. It is natural — you come from a restless world, you don’t know the ways of silence. Why did
you want to see me? Why have you been haunting me for three months?” And Ouspensky said, “I wanted to ask you a few questions.” Gurdjieff gave him a blank sheet of paper and told him, “Go into the other room and on the one side write whatsoever you know, and on the other side whatsoever you don’t know. And then come back — because I will answer only that which you don’t know. If you already know it, why bother about it?”
It was a cold Moscow night, the snow was falling, and Ouspensky remembers, “Going into the other room, I started perspiring. For the first time, with such emphasis, I was made aware that I know nothing. I wanted to write something, just to save my prestige,
that I know this, that. I thought it over, round and round, but basically I knew nothing. I thought: Do I know anything about love? I have heard much, I have read much — but any
experience? because that man is not going to let it pass easily. He will ask, ‘Any experience?’ ” And he had seen those eyes which can go to the very core of your being: “You cannot deceive that man.
“Do I know anything about meditation? Do I know anything about God? Do I know anything of any real significance?” He waited and waited and he could not find anything. And finally he came out and gave the paper back — as blank as before — and said, “Excuse me, I don’t know anything. I
know nothing. I have been a fool up to now. I had always believed that I knew this and I knew that. You have shattered me in a single blow.”
Gurdjieff looked at Ouspensky, and his eyes were those of benediction. He said, “Then you are accepted — because only those who know that they know not can be accepted in my circle, because only they are capable of learning.”
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KISS : keep it (life) simple stupid, actually this life is simple, we need few basic necessities, thats all, dont complicate it with stupidity of foolish desires. instead enjoy simple pleasures like lying naked baside a river : )
panchi sur mein gaate hai lehre gungunate hai
GIBBERISH
Just like you dont get time for yourself when u work in a big firm on a big post, similarly when u get married you would be too busy serving the needs of your family especially children that you will not get a single moment of peace for yourself : (
let the children bloom like krishna —-a good article in toi : )
aaj mood nahin khan banane ka, kahin bahar khana khane chale—–wife : (
all true saints hav a great sense of humour : )
YouTube – Bolo Bolo Bolo Kya Dekha(Sajjad Ali) – Played By Shehzad
koi rachai bya sagai …..saache ka koi grahak nahi….kabir’s bhajan……start koi mange ladka etc.
amar prem muvi
bada natkhat hai re song
kasme wade pyar wafa sab baate hai baaton ka kya song
gore gore o baanke chore
proferssor batuknath incident
bahu bhaag gayi 10 yrs ago leaving behind 3 yr old daughter
some fools marry at 16 yrs too and repent whole life
in ek ruka hua faisla film…..pankaj kapoor’s son left him 2 yrs away slapping on his father’s face, Pankaj’s wife was already dead. …..so he was very sad being alone……he was part of the jury…
madhur bhandarkar and rekha enjoyed talking in a party
all fim heroines are singing & dancing for me and all cos are making cheap and best products 4 me to enjoy : )
Amir khan—reeena—jessica—-kiran rao–preety jinta–rani mukherjee–imran khan—avantika malik (hindu)…..ranbir kapoor friend ….jiya khan—-faisal khan—-chetan bhagat—-mansur khan farm : )
yeh jameen gaa rahi hai song
agar duniya khatam ho jayega to bhagwan ka kya hoga?
vairaigya quotes
death
detachmentladkio se na milo tum song
badi wafa se nibhai tumne hamari thodi si be wafai
lambada friendship song
aryan song in facebook
sanmarg seraikela death
god zedge
gali gali mein phirta hai song
tirchi topi wale ….babu bhole bhale song : )
worry makes a man prematurily old
scene where jesus protects a prostitute…..also rishi kapoor song : )
bol radha bol song
cash meri aankhon mein…song for baheti ji
chal sanyasi mandir mein song
mein hu bal brahma chari tu hai kanya kuyari song : )
aisa lagta hai jo na hua ….hone ko hai : )
allah ke bande has de….also teri deewani….also yaa rabba kailash kher songs : )
I WANT TO FLY KITES LIKE I USE TO DO IN MADRAS AFTERNOON WHEN I WAS A KID : )
good bhajans lyrics on net also song
classical singing class
adult joke website….also frm zedge.com
marriage jokes
maharaji—-i hav to go to office, but that is not going to stop me frm celebrating my existence : )
bhakt praladh was a great bhakt : )
i wont marry bcoz when the women stops listening to man and goes out of the house to shopppong leaving the old ones to take off and man himself wants to go to satsang, so there is a problem.
vardaan upnaayaas………kites flying etc…….looking good for bhabis and young girls…….4 sex with a not so beautiful girl….someone lost his life……also remember sanyaasi ….and widow tapasya…..good life….enlightenment
vapasi kahani
24hourkirtan.com
bhalobhasa bhalobhasa muvi on youtube
man laga kar padhne ke liye data therefore suicide—sanmarg
dil jalta hai to jalne de…..song mukesh comedy
what about the rape asked the married lady after the robbers robbed her home….adult joke in zedge.com
joke site create
ehsaan tera hoga mujh par ….female version
hum tum pic dekh rahe ho kisi theatre ke andar aur bijli chali jaye
khaike paan banaras wala song old
mujhe tumse hai kitne gile, bolo itne din kya kiya……tera naam liya oooooo : )
kabhi sham dhale to mere dil mein aajana
choli ke peeche kya hai
dhak dhak karne laga ( 2 months ago I really love and respect Hema Malini,MAdhuri and Katrina Kaif. They are? beautiful women, sexy and have grace.
surajsunsuraj 2 months ago surajsunsuraj
2 months ago even today when i watch this song it arouses me. It is not only her sexuality that attracts a man to? her but it is also a grace that she carries. Just look at this song it does not look vulgar. surajsunsuraj 2 months ago surajsunsuraj 2 months ago I was in 10th class when I watched this movie. I watched this movie 10 times? only for madhuri dixit and this ong. She was so beautiful and sexy that i instantly feel in love with her. surajsunsuraj 2 months ago )
khuda gawa songs
mei teri dushman-nagin muvi
awaz do humko hum kho gaye
EVEN A RUPEE OF GOOD INCOME BRINGS PEACE IN HOME : )—-DADABHAGWAN
temptation ad girl pic
lips & lipstick pics
krishna was a cross dresser
shree 420 song
khamoshi muvi song
i am barbir girl song
ram aur shyam muvi
dadabhagwan satsang
bhige hot tere song : )
saawan barse …..song sonali bendre
rim jhim gire saawan rain song mousami kukherjee and amitabh : )
convert all wma wav to mp3 and record in cd…also make spiritual gift cds : )
kya khub lagti ho ,,,,badi sunder dikhti ho.
chik buk chik buk lariyale song tamil
lets go to BELUR today : )……remember u r very lucky that u r living in belur …..with its scenic beauty : )
pralahad charitra ke baad vivah sambrat…..is like eating sour curry after having kheer.
yeh to kamaal ho gaya muvi kamal hasan songs and story
woh bite din yaad hai…album
aaja piya tohe pyar do….album
bin tere sanam….album
madhuban mein kanaiya jo gopis se mile radha …..lagan song
aankho mein tere ajab se
sanwaria song
tum ko dekha to ….om shanti on sonu nigam song
sugar mill co’s officer’s srory in hindi book….where when he returns home after retirement…his family treats him very badly ….he misses his good food by his servant in his official flat : )…..he again joins a nother work in a sugar mill .
dekha hai…dis song was from aryans album … dekha hai coffee bar aryans nandini singh …
Aryans – Aankhon Mein Tera Hi Chehra
bulla ki jaana main kaun
woh beetein din yaad hai …..non fil hit album
na marte hum to kya karte …..aasha and diya mirza album
aankho mein sapne liye ghar se hum chal to diye—shaan
agar tum mil jao jamana chor de ke hum
prem rog film om puri dialogue on useless money
i want to live like god who just enjoy watching the drama called world but never get caught in the net of maya (illusions)
chat ke upar ladki nacche ladka hai deewana eichak dana dong
i wil live alone and listen to the song “tere bina jiya jaye na 4 god”
u can hav the cake and eat it too
munna bhai mbbs song : dekh le aankho mein
buy a bike and give carry people 4 ur bread and butter money : )
didl hi dil mein muvi: mujra song
hum katrina kaif se pyar karta hai, shaadi karwe de tum. aur salman khan se kaun panga lega.
sadi kiya tha par biwi mar gayi….ha hahaha…and no bacchas as well
sadi kiya that par biwi sara paisa aur jewelery le ke apna boyfrnd ke saath bhaag gayi.
japan’s erotic mud bath musuem
koi padhi likhi good earning ladki bata……i will mary her and enjoy at home, she will work. i will watch tv whole day and in the evening she will come and make good food for me ….and if children happens , she will take them with her to work place : )
laweria song
a muslim orkut friend of mine , was so bold, that she would not give in to the tease of boys. instead she would say i would not let you fuck me but i will fuck u guys, so beware.
hume jabse mohabbat ho gayi hai ….yeh duniya khubsoorat ho gayi hai—–border muvi : )
new models of young girls keep coming. so y will i tie myself to a old model with no charm left (wife: )
tum log to private car (wife) kharid ke baith gaya hai. Aur sadhu agar kabhi taxi (sex) kar leta haito tum logo ko uska khushi bardast nahi hota hai. U become jealous.
dulhan wohi jo piya man bhaaye muvi’s song : )
biwi o biwi muvi
agle janam mein ladki bana diya to? aaram se shirt khol ke so bhi nahi sakenge : ( isliye abhi shirt kholne ka maja le lo aur jarur moksha (freedom from cycle of birth and death) prapt kar lo : )
mashalla song frm muvi savaria
girls are manipulative (seducing) , they fulfill their own sex desires by proviking men with their lustful ways : ( so beware, these are maya itself trying to fool you.
today is dhanteras…..just imagine and Enjoy dhanteras feel good feeliing and its also true bcoz “sada diwali sant ki , aatho pahar ananad)
gava hai chand tare gava hai—–damini muvi
tulsidas was a sex addict
so was krishna
toilet seat model
zindigi do pal ki ….intezar
toi ritik scene frm KITES
jaba pe laga laga re namak ishq ka
rang de chunariya —anup jalota also pani mein meen by anup ja lota
i wil play character of the bhut in paheli muvi : )
i like diffetrnt girls, some hav good, nose, some good eyes, some good face cutting etc, so i cant suffocate myself by marryying a single girl and getting caged with her in legal bonding, rather i would love to love all girls : ) atleast frm my side : )
kangana re kangana re song
recipe of cold coffee
life is a bridge, dont make ur home here, just pass through it
jevan mrityu muvi
is shaumil trivedi dead
i wont marry bcoz biwi maare gi to.?……..not that i cant beat her but ,i dont want jhagra jhanjhat………nowadays no girl is sati savitri…..all are phoolan devi……….all are mardani rani laxmi bai…..now that britishers are gone , these mardaanis will beat their husband…they may throw hot coffee on husband’s face: (
chura lo na dil mera sanam, ki tere bin na ji sakenge
hey, what was the recipe of cyanide…..mentos and cocacola or thumsup? : )
i accidently killed a small cockroach, it came flying on my bed, i threw it on floor, it fell upside down and therefore could not move, i in order to punish it, let it remain that way, and thought i would be cautious of not stepping on it, but as soon as i turned off light , i forgot abt it and stepped on it , crushing it to death, i am very sorry for my deed, may god bless his soul.
y beard dont come on women’s face?
bhagwan kitna padha likha hai? ca or ca fail, ha ha ha ca fail, so he may not get good job.he may hav to beg on streets.
ai hasino najnino mein aagaya hu lo dil sambhalo
harjayee muvi starting scene
swimming learn must
krishna gave birth to so many children with so many wives, still he flirted with other girls esp. radha,. he must be a sex addict
piya ra piya re tere bina lage nahi mora jiya re…..nusrat fateh ali khan
us male director raped
jack torson’s nude sketches in titanic muvi. He had live people posing for him. Also rose (the actress playing the character rose) got nude and asked him to draw her sketch. she even had sex with him.
And, rem. titanic was a big hit. And hypocrite people secretly admire it. if not then file a case of immorality on theh director and the actors and actress, but u will lick their feet and even ass as they have moolah.
naga sadhus
great indian laughter challenge kids show on youtube
hai apna dil to diwana najane kispe
saat samunder paar mein tere
srabonti bengali actress……search tamil and malayalam actressess
lamha lamha duri yu pighalti hai : )
yeh dil kyu lagta nahin hum kya kare……tumhi kehdo aie jane wafa hum kya kare
saaransh muvi : )
shahrukh want to be a porn star
parody song lamhe
jogi nach le ….new song agar mein kahu mujhe tumse muhabbat hai
jane kyu log pyar karte hai……..jane kyu log muhabbat kiya karte hai old song
asha parot kil and ur nirasa sorrow wil end immediately
kites muvi song
john abraham pic toi
be mirror (reflecting present moment)not pendulam like mind going in past and future…….so darpan bano : )
i wil not marry, if i am a problem for someone , i will rather suicide then marry……i wil think abt my life in peace if i dont mary….i hav good time for mtyself : )
kaun kehte hai bhagwan pagal/haste nahin….achutam pagalam…..krishna pagalam
sant taunsagar pic
chini kum hai chini kum hai song
prahalad muvi to driver
ram teri ganga maili ho gaye papiyo ke paap dhote dhote
sir: pankh athik nahin hua, thik hai hum office se naya pankha bhej denge aaj
sex vs death
gori teri aankhe kahe raat bhar soye nahin
sar jo tera chakrai ya dil duba jaye
son ties up mom for beer
jim carey tweets on woods
2-3rrd of humanity will die of aids
pyar hua ikrar hua
hum tum ek kamre mein band ho
24 min dhampad 56 ur selling ur soul for money , now sel money 4 buying soul
o ram teri ganga maili ho gaye papiyo ke paap dhote dhote
yeh kaha aagaye hum yuhi saath chalte chalte
i dont need anyone in my life as for me “mere to giridhar gopal dusro na koi”
kaun kambhakt bardash karne ko pita hai
muvi in which there is a song man kyu behka re aadhi raat mein
hum tum picture dekh rahe ho kise theatre ke andar aur bijli chali jaye
family accident
kya hua tera wada
yeh naina yeh kajal yeh julfe yeh aachal
BOOK BUY JAB MEIN AISA REHNA
shola jo bhadke dil mera dhadke
mangal mangal song frm mangal pandey
mei teri dushman dushman tu mera mei nagin tu sapera
humne ghar chora hai
travelblog.org
zubi dubi
padmashri saif
bari najuk hai manzil muhabat ka safar hai—jagjit singh
hosh walo ko khabar kya zindigi kya cheez hai
sikho na naino ki basha piya
is watching porn illlegal
and keeping porn cds?
divya bharti in shola and shabnam song
aguilera reveals her erotic bath rituals
ai jindigi gale laga le
sathiya song hey uri uri
yuhi kat jayega safar saath chalne se
girl sitting nude frm back
aao ge jab tum saajna angana phool khilenge
jhooth bole kawe kaate
amrita rao corneto ad
tu jab jab mujhko pukare
original sin muvi
24 min dhampad 56
u r selling soul 4 money now sel money for buying soul
rangila re tere rang
haste haste kat jaye raste
maine pyar kyu kiya song
o mere sapno ke saudagar
satyam shivam sundaram vdo song
kaliyug aur ramayan muvi
titanic song
april fool song
sattu litti eat
o chokra….chokri
laundiya
pehla pehla pyar hai
aai kya bolti tu
janam janam ka saath hai hamara tumahara…….says amar singh ji
mausam hai asikana ai dil kahi se unko dudh lana
sapna mera tut gaya
aare aare aare ……mere sung to chal jara
jivan ke din chote sahi hum bhi bare matwale : )
draupadi in love wants to be made nude. so , god in love with us wants us to find him
j k rowling depression after divorce
chant sister shivani and gurumaa 4 kaam nivaran
pyar kiya hai pyar karenge kahdo yeh jamane se
hai hai yeh majburi roti kapda aur makan
kya mausam aaya hai, geet gaye—-film anari
mtrade.motilaloswal.com for mobile stock market
amrapali muvi
20:20 muvi malayalum
ish muhabbat pyar ki bbaten song— hey babi muvi
i dont want to leave behind a widow , so i wont marry
i may suicide if i wish in old age,like kanu sanyal, cpim leader
ritu, u r too cool na—-onida ac ad
hawa ke sath saath …..ghata ke sang sang song
TUMEWE MATA, CHA PITA TUMIWE, TUMIWE BANDHU CHA “SAKHA” TUMIWE ….y do u sing when u dont believe
dont send mail now, first update ur mail blogs site
enlightenment is open to even the most wicked
a devotee do not hav SHAME, FEAR , etc
if she is so happy and beautiful , then how wonderful must be GOD : )
nidhisomani@yahoo.co.in
michalengelo nude pics
mahaveer….rishav dev… nude pics
women thirtankar nude
women nude statue
TUMEWE MATA, CHA PITA TUMIWE, TUMIWE BANDHU CHA “SAKHA” TUMIWE ….y do u sing when u dont believe
bhagwan notes our ides not actions
chaiye chaiye ko chhoro—-old child like brahmakumari
kaam vaasna of tulsi das
jara sa dhakka laga to ladki bolti hai kaise touch kiye mere ko, mein ladki hu, yeh ladka hai, is gande sarir ke liye hum log mare ja rahe hai
bidi jaleile song
saara din bhagwan kya karta hai…..he must be watching naked girls in bathroom …and masturbate
dont bhagan feel tired
kripalu bhajan
leave everything to god
: )
r u really worthy of what u hav got frm god : )
god is not tired of the evil man near u , so y r u tired : )
god is in bliss always : )
o sathi chal hawa ke saath chal tu
o phirki wali
watch ameli muvi and get rid of narrow mindedness
vijay mallya mails
tushar kapoor muvi
chori chori jab najre….. mil jaate hai
i cannot love 1 only., what if i fell in love with someone beside my wife
krishna’s son are bound to be forgotten
my father rebuked me for not earning big money
even if u get freedom for unlimioted sex u will get fed up with life
i mean it when i say i hav seen the hell of marrriage in my parent’s marriage
somnath chattopadhya artist kali bhajans
a devotee do not hav SHAME, FEAR , etc
bhagwan pe sab chhor do, aage jo hoga wo jimmedar, kuch so called galat ho gaya to usi ka izzat jaayega
a documentary on old age
afetr having sex u feel like dead
ur body wants it not u
iti srikanto
bijuriya song
jor jor se chillao
live ur life asif u r just passing by
marriage is not a word its a sentence….a life sentence
gore gore o baanke chore
aawaj do humko hum kho gaye
see sanmarg pics l;atest
zindagi kaisi hai paheli hai kabhi to rulaya kabhhi yeh hasaye
jokes and incest story of a small boy in indian….stories
watch vishnu puran
itc card
hanuman was a bachelor, people would even doubt his virginity
and remember sita was doubted by ram on the words of a washerman
u even shak on ur good sadhguru
pushpak muvi beggar scene
wah wah… khub ladi mardani wo to jhasi wali raani thi —- sir
govt can no longer ban porn website
xxx good touching stories
yaara sili sili birha ki raat ka jalna
phulo ka taro ka sab ka kehna hai
do baati kahya radio suna aur so gaya
owe to my parents
rajinder ji’s satsang play always
LIFE IN PICTURES
i dont want to be a watchman of my wife and children
there is a story about a manwho cribbed that he did not have shoes…
tansen’s guru sings out of ectasy
sanmarg pic
IS DEEWANE LADKE KO
ek munda meri umr ka
disneyland closeup pic
a caller id option for your thoughts
GET GOD WITH YOUR LIFE
condom ad
politicuial einstein joke mail
ignorance of law is not an excuse
sanmarg beliur news paper dated 22 feb
tired of sex
adher ki hatya 50 yrs old chai kadukan in sanmarg ravivar
kavi mehi: )
risk of quadruplets born
punya karm se paisa kharid lo ya bhagwaan, it depends on you , i choose god over money
6 sundays and 1 monday
woman found dead, father cries harassment by in-laws times of india
a 30-year-old youth was crushed by a private bus times of india sunday
call ma osho on monday 2 march 2010
tape buy
sports shoes buy for mom and vishal
full tujhe dekha to
mehndi laga ke
mere khabo mein jo
lo chali meintu naa mile to mera nischit hai jogi banjana …dik tana dik tana
ishq bina kya jeena yaara
nifty valuation is good for long term a, also time,inflation is in favour for long term upside
be happy baba clip on marriage
glowsign in html code also see frontpage
imaan dharam
even a night of bramhacharya
dost muvi
baar baar samband mile lakh chourasi mai —–sant sahjo bai
married man suicide sanmarg in marriage article
for going back click here
SUSHIL SARDA call on date 11 march 2010
baaghi muvi
eating kali ramnarayan
bhool bhuliya ami je tomar chin chin chin akshay kumar
facebook
twitter
promote on orkut
saNMARGPICS
book fair
www.tagoreweb.in
rs 21 a day for bhujiya baron
bihar’s rickshaw reformer gets obama
kite-surfer killed by sharks
hilton’s house burgled as she was a ‘dumb’ target
jan ahar
aise uljhi najar unse
sari umr hum mar mar ke ji liye
oven mail
samay is most imp
rape joke
on homo
dreamt of marriage with….a neighbour girl
sanmarg main newspaper pics of 31 jan2010
i need anti depressant. hurt & bitter Karan johar
vegan for life! two leading ladies
flab vs fat! ritu.verma
saints are not produced in batches every year
from fish thirsty to dagger to ambition to love and meditation
drunk girl accident in sanmarg pics
search osho on mahaveer
budi kaki
one who beat me is feeding me milk
ethopian palne crash kils 90
vivekananda mind searching 4 job so his singing became dull
mock . ncdex. phone, fridge
so what do you do? Times life
all saints who have gone deep in their meditation has said that there is a very divine plan by god+paramhansa yogananda
pareshani hi pareshani hai ——-si_
hai prabhu….chor baimano ka duniya mein kaha bhej diya mujhe….si…
gandhi muvi
what’s your secret?
krishna’s fruit scene
Living on a jet plane
i can smile through pain —sunaina roshan…..soul curry
sanmarg pics, salman khan : )
electro….
even a day of brahmacharya
notes site
dream of not going to job till 12 pm then worrying…..vikash baid and anand ladia
devashish.saha@gmail.com
sanmarg pics.
discovery asia rajasthan
osho on marriage…..etc
fault is of the sufferer
celebrate life
be cheerful
just be happy
(mauj mein raho)
shankracharya muvi
i dont want to marry coz i dont want to transfer my father’s unfulfilled dreams to my child’s small shoulders : )
portfolio
haiti earthquake
mohd rafi bhajans
osho on home—–send mail
sing lakdi ki kaati and dont bore god with chanting his name
google video
dailymotion
hide and seek with god. so seek god, he is hiding : )
bbtindia.in
roxxxy
truecompanion.com
fashion magazine megaplus-size woman
GANGA SAGAR MELA
KUMBH MELA VIDEOS
jade goody
sankracharya on old age
annie besant
main azaad hu
amitabh bacchan
runnibg shoes vs barefoot
tulsidas movie old
ramkrishna and food addiction : )
vagabond
18 drown in boat capsize
nindak ke sir par croro paap ka bhaar
sanmarg pic
site allowing more than 10 min upload
no shame , hatred and fear for a spiritual person
hindi calendar
rainbow pic
krishna’s life
narrator
mink blankets
on work swami ramtirth
usb drive
read aoy
jesus 33 112
khajurao
buddha old age
life cosmic joke
sms blogs site
ORKUT JOKES
Higo pigo jila pila aai mai
hula hula timpataka
dimpataka aai aai aai
jingara jingara, shapath leli
mubarak ho ab aap
ADIWASI ban gaye
Yes get married, enjoy sex , fun and when things start getting boring just divorce and marry someone else : )
mere saath livin relationship mein rahogi :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY6sdRWjLjc&NR=1&feature=fvwp
You know when I really realized like “wow” what a gift this is was when I sang at camp and a girl wrote me a
letter and said the song that I sung kept her from committing suicide.
Charles King
Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
Gore Vidal
Would Hamlet have felt the delicious fascination of suicide if he hadn’t had an audience, and lines to speak?
Jean Genet
Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the “will of the
people” goes out the window.
Bill Maher
When one realizes that his life is worthless he either commits suicide or travels.
Edward Dahlberg
When God desires to destroy a thing, he entrusts its destruction to the thing itself. Every bad institution of this
world ends by suicide.
Victor Hugo
What makes life worth living? Better surely, to yield to the stain of suicide blood in me and seek forgetfulness
in the embrace of cold dark death.
Zane Grey
We might be on the brink of an apocalypse if, instead of poor people with suicide bombs killing middle class
guys, middle-class people with suicide bombs started killing rich guys.
Bruce Sterling
We have many cases of men committing suicide rather than face their own individuality. I know of no case of a
woman who committed suicide because she was gay.
George Weinberg
We can consciously end our life almost anytime we choose. This ability is an endowment, like laughing and
blushing, given to no other animal… in any given moment, by not exercising the option of suicide, we are
choosing to live.
Peter McWilliams
Two armies that fight each other is like one large army that commits suicide.
Henri Barbusse
Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of
being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination.
Harry S. Truman
They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice… that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious
that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and
person.
Arthur Schopenhauer
They can rule the world while they can persuade us our pain belongs in some order is death by famine worse
than death by suicide, than a life of famine and suicide…?
Adrienne Rich
There is something great and terrible about suicide.
Honore De Balzac
There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession.
Daniel Webster
There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good
wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it.
Ernest Hemingway
There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.
Albert Camus
The woman poet must be either a sexless, reclusive eccentric, with nothing to say specifically to women, or a
brilliant, tragic, tortured suicide.
Marilyn Hacker
The weapon of suicide bombing is so desperate that you aren’t even left with the possibility of taking revenge
or punishing anyone; the terrorist is killed along with his victims, his blood mixing with theirs.
A. B. Yehoshua
The suicide arrives at the conclusion that what he is seeking does not exist; the seeker concludes that what
he has not yet looked in the right place.
Paul Watzlawick
The prevalence of suicide, without doubt, is a test of height in civilization; it means that the population is
winding up its nervous and intellectual system to the utmost point of tension and that sometimes it snaps.
Henry Ellis
The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.
Chuck Palahniuk
The obsession with suicide is characteristic of the man who can neither live nor die, and whose attention never
swerves from this double impossibility.
Emile M. Cioran
The Labour Party’s election manifesto is the longest suicide note in history.
Greg Knight
The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.
Theodor Adorno
The homosexual community has more acceptance in America than it ever has, and the suicide rate is as high
as it’s always been.
Randall Terry
The great thing about suicide is that it’s not one of those things you have to do now or you lose your chance. I
mean, you can always do it later.
Harvey Fierstein
The few remaining truths are graffiti, suicide notes, shopping lists.
Francesca da Rimini
The destructive character lives from the feeling, not that life is worth living, but that suicide is not worth the
trouble.
Walter Benjamin
The counterpart of the suicide is the seeker; but the difference between them is slight.
Paul Watzlawick
That’s the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up
thinking about how he ended it.
Anderson Cooper
Sylvia Plath was just a month and a half older than I, and when she committed suicide I was only 30 – and very
shocked and sorry. I never knew her personally.
Anne Stevenson
Suicide, moreover, was at the time in vogue in Paris: what more suitable key to the mystery of life for a
skeptical society?
Honore De Balzac
Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as
many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live.
Charles Caleb Colton
Suicide is not a remedy.
James A. Garfield
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, “You can’t fire me – I quit.”
Bill Maher
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide is a choice and I think if we work with that
with kids, we’ll get somewhere.
Peter Lynch
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Phil Donahue
So smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying. I smoke because it’s bad, it’s really
simple.
Damien Hirst
Should l go on playing bridge and dining, going in the same old monotonous circle? It’s easy that way, but it’s
a sort of suicide, too.
Antoinette Perry
Seppuku is Japanese for ritual suicide. I thought, What a cute name for a coat.
Lexa Doig
Religion kept some of my relatives alive, because it was all they had. If they hadn’t had some hope of heaven,
some companionship in Jesus, they probably would have committed suicide, their lives were so hellish.
Octavia Butler
Recovering from the suicide of a loved one, you need all the help you can get, so I very much recommend a
meditation program. The whole picture of how to recover from this has to do with body, mind, and spirit. That’s
applicable to any kind of depression.
Judy Collins
Oregon is the only state in the union that facilitates suicide.
Maggie Gallagher
Once you are married, there is nothing left for you, not even suicide.
Robert Louis Stevenson
suggest suicide to people who says they are unhappy : D —-vishal : )
No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.
Cesare Pavese
No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.
Robert Byrne
No law can give or take away the choice to commit suicide.
Maggie Gallagher
Never attempt to murder a man who is committing suicide.
Woodrow Wilson
My thinking tends to be libertarian. That is, I oppose intrusions of the state into the private realm – as in
abortion, sodomy, prostitution, pornography, drug use, or suicide, all of which I would strongly defend as
matters of free choice in a representative democracy.
Camille Paglia
My husband and I didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
Roseanne Barr
Most of the suicide hijackers came from Saudi Arabia, a place not lacking in wealth. But due to rapid
population growth, the wealth per capita has fallen by about half in a generation.
Keith Henson
Making itself intelligible is suicide for philosophy.
Martin Heidegger
Killing yourself is a major commitment, it takes a kind of courage. Most people just lead lives of cowardly
desperation. It’s kinda half suicide where you just dull yourself with substances.
Robert Crumb
It’s a bit odd that nobody seems to be using the correct technical term to describe organized Islamic terrorists.
They are not a faction of a religion or a social movement. They are a cult. A suicide cult.
Craig Bruce
It is matrimonial suicide to be jealous when you have a really good reason.
Clare Boothe Luce
It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night.
Friedrich Nietzsche
In the final phase of cocaine intoxication, when suicide is likely, the victim cannot save himself by an effort of
will. He has lost the power.
Carroll O’Connor
In my writing with Extreme, there are heavy themes. The cover photo has me with a gun to my neck. I am not
advocating suicide. I am taking the philosophy that man is the measure of his own fate.
Gary Cherone
In advertising, not to be different is virtual suicide.
Thornton Wilder
If you want your writing to be taken seriously, don’t marry and have kids, and above all, don’t die. But if you
have to die, commit suicide. They approve of that.
Ursula K. Le Guin
If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying as to make the thought of global war include almost a
sentence for suicide, you would think that man’s intelligence and his comprehension… would include also his
ability to find a peaceful solution.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mohandas Gandhi
I was darkly convinced that at age 52 I would kill myself because my mother committed suicide at that age. I
was fantasizing that she was waiting for me on the other side of the grave.
Spalding Gray
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.
Lesley Boone
I think we are in the midst of this period where we are committing this suicide on the planet and everybody is
just using up all of our natural resources like a bunch of insane people. That’s what I worry about more than I
worry about jazz.
Sonny Rollins
I think suicide is the most perfect thing you can do in life.
Damien Hirst
I think about death a lot, like I think we all do. I don’t think of suicide as an option, but as fun. It’s an interesting
idea that you can control how you go. It’s this thing that’s looming, and you can control it.
Ryan Gosling
I myself spent nine years in an insane asylum and I never had the obsession of suicide, but I know that each
conversation with a psychiatrist, every morning at the time of his visit, made me want to hang myself, realizing
that I would not be able to cut his throat.
Antonin Artaud
I have a suicide impulse.
Hal Holbrook
I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart’s on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.
Rip Taylor
Fame is no sanctuary from the passing of youth… suicide is much easier and more acceptable in Hollywood
than growing old gracefully.
Julie Burchill
Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws
himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide?
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide. Or murder.
Susan Sontag
A world technology means either a world government or world suicide.
Max Lerner
just like bomkesh bakshi , though bomkesh was poor and without any permanent job as a detective, he was
very joyous with good sense of humour. So anyone can live like him : )
show the world the walk of the seker : )
i am happy therefore i dont need to marry : ), those who are unhappy , only they marry. if u say there is more
happiness in marr, i would say no thanks i wont be able to bear so much happiness 😀
i cant say whether marriage is good or not coz i am not married. All i can say from my own experience that
being unmarried is good, there is great freedom , and i dont need a change from happiness : )
if u say someone is happy being married, i would say good for him/her. i am happy too so please be happy
and let others be happy too : )
soha ali khan has one sun glass worth 80k rs of tommy hillfiger.
saif ali khan’s style is both rough and elegant : )
turning 30 muvi one particular song too good
dhobi ghat muvi i like : )
hawas ka pujari : dialogue frm love lockup on bindass tv also a dialogue where a girl says he does no job.
i dont like big weddings, its too much showoff : (
even spending 2000 pound (1.5 lakh rupees) in a day is stupidity in wedding celebration.
ganesh ji ka pet ek baar bahut jyada khane se phat gaya tha. ha ha ha : )
girls likes my cute face , they luv it and they fall in love with my even cute voice —vishal : )
Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
Education is incomplete without 5 B’s
B – Bikes
B – Beers
B – Babes
B – Bunks and the most important
B – Backlogs!
Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will
never find a wife as good as his father did.
Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say ‘Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait’.
Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed
and why people get mad when they are in love?
Only once in your life u’ll get a right person with whom u’ll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the
wrong Ones!
Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant’s parents were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.
Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!
Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein Rahul kya hai?
Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai…
Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je kuchh
vi ni hunda taan….Chakko Rajaai te so jao.
I Love You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.
Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don’t have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men!
Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo
dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!
What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional &
stupid, start fighting without any reason.
Advice of dentist. “Treat ur toothbrush like a girl friend. Don’t let any body else use it when u r using, and get
a new one every three months.
Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
Which building has the most stories?
The Library.
A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished
their High School.
Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going
out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich janani kut diti.
I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow
shorter that he can’t reach his ass to scratch.
Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan…
Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU unse rooth gaya aur bola, ‘Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi
nahin puchhta’
Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!
10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of
accidentsarer due to driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke!
Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz
people say… I’m MIND BLOWING.
My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.
Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
Santa: KHULE AAM…
There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK.
Whatever u are thinking… is right. Good Day.
Tum sab dost meri zindagi ho, aur aur aur aur aur Lahnat hai aisi zindagi pe!
True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check ur marriage album. All ur relatives were standing
behind u!
Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple’s photo man is on the right side & woman on the left?
Because as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!
Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that’s exactly what he asked me about you!
Some translations in Punjabi:
Yo baby! Wassup? Ve kaka, a uttey ki tangeya va?
Listen buddy, dat chick is mine! O bhaoo, o nikki kukree meri aa !
R u nuts? Tu akhrot an oye?
Rock the party. VATTEY mar jashan ch.
Lets hangout! Aja bahar lamkiye.
Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers.
Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un logon ki?
Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!
Daru se Nasha badhta hai, Nashe se junun. Junun se mehnat, Mehnat se paisa, Paise se izzat. Isliye
Izzatdar wohi hai jo Daru pita hai !
Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha, Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue
Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma, Bidi Piyegi ?
A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000
Full form of BSNL
Bhai Saheb Nahi Lagega.
Which is the most confusing day in America?
Thinking?
Still thinking?
Fathers day!
Om Namah Shivay! Jai Sri Ram! Wahe Guru! Jai Sri Krishna! Darr Mat, kisi ko forward nahin karna hai, khud hi
jap le… PAAPI.
In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!
Dil ke operation ko BYEPASS kyo kehte hain?
Kyon ki agar operation theek ho gaya to… PASS varna Hamesha ke liye BYE!
Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered? Don’t
Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.
There was a man who never romped or played. He never smoked or drank, nor kissed a girl. And he passed
away, insurance was denied. Since he had never lived, they claimed he never died. So live it up. CHEERS
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me?
She replied: No!
And the guy lived happily ever after.
Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty,
Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion
Levy & many more. Besides don’t forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc… If we have
some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian Economy! Gud Day!
Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an
exhausted man…!!
What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused…? I knew you would be!
How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !
A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one is ur best gf?
He replied: The next one!
Always aim high n continuously improve ur performance.
The most interesting thing about this sms is that by the time you realize that nothing is written in it…. it would
be too late for you to stop reading it!
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because
you are a vegetarian!
Ladies….it is okay to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong
ones.
Well, they do say opposite attracts… So I sincerely ‘hope’ you meet somebody who is attractive, honest,
intelligent, and cuultured.
A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished
high school.
In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the
remaining is only 36-24-36
Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun
hoye!
A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
The Student replies: Father-in-Law
M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha… Everything is incomplete without ‘U’
Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls.
Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip… take out your…
book from your bag and study!
Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend it.
Damn it…It was a book on CHESS!
Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal,
mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool…ha ha ha!!
Kunwaro se log puchte hai ki tumhari ab tak shaadi kyon nahi huye?
Kunware bhi jor se kahte hai: Jaako rakhe sayeean mar sake na koi.
Boy: Ki mein tera hath chum sakda han”
Girl: Kyon Haramjadeya mere bullan te koi kande lagge ne ?
Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai?
Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari. Ladke ka naam kya hai.
Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU
Colour of ur underwear reflects ur mood:
Red: Wild
Black: Sexy
Blue: Romantic
Pink: Seductive
White: Calm
Yellow: Time to change it…
Everyday same wishes! Are U bored of it? Let it be difft this time: Let the devils sing around U, Mummies
dance around u, Vampires sit beside U. Have a horrible day!
Kabhi ye mat socho tumhare gf/bf ya wife/hubby ne tumhe kitna romantic msg bheja hai, sirf yeh socho ke
Use kisne bheja hoga ?
What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Nice Belt
Saif: My dil goes hmmmmmm…! My dil goes hmmmmmmm….! My dil goes mmmmmmMMm……!! My dil
goes mmmmmmm…..!
Javed Jafri: Is this da dils or da makhis…?
Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do…
A lady to another lady: Jab tera divorce hua tha tab to ek hi baccha tha aur ab 3 kaise?
She says: Woh kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the…
Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai
bomb se uda do saale ko.
Tabiyat thik nahi thi. Tantrik ko dikhaya, Tantrik bola bhoot ka saya hai, kisi ghor paapi ko SMS karo theek ho
jaoge… Ab accha mahsus kar raha hoon.
Javed Jaffery proposing a girl: Hi, the babes, here is mys parpoz, with this d reds rose. Plz don’t u d rejects
my parpoz b’coz I don’t parpoz d ROZ ROZ!
If U Don’t Eat Junk food, Don’t Smoke, Don’t Drink, Don’t Have boy Friend/Gal Friend, Don’t Play Cards, No
Late Nights; Then Visit Our site: www.PaidaKyunHuethe.com
I’m leaving India!
Actually Aishwarya is pregnant and media is suspecting me. Tum bhi nikal lo, uski kaam wali bhi pregnant
hai.
Boy: I’m not rich like Rahul, I don’t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty & when a woman becomes naughty….
she becomes rich.
Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when
best things in life we do naked.
Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin karta hai.
Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA – Connecting pipal.
Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade… ya phir bus aap pe chade… dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat
tha hai
PYAR K SEASON ME APNE LUV GURU SE JANIYE KITNA GEHRA HAI AP DONO ME PYAR?
TYP LOVE(UR NAME)(PARTNER’S NAME) & SEND IT TO UR PAPA’S NO. VO BATAYENGE GEHRAAI
PYAR KI….
Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to…??
Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum…!
Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !
Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.
In French: Bon jour
In Spanish: Te Quiro
In Italian: Teamo
In Yugoslav: Volim Te
In English: Good Morning
In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?
An old to Doc: Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That’s not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.
Astrologer: U’ll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.
Frog: When n where?
Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab
Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di
Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don’t exist.
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai
Thought for the future generation: Don’t marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make
several women happy.
Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment… warm b’coz AC doesn’t work & motherly
because Air hostesses are above 50
Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year
old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”
What’s the definition of a skeleton?
A striptease that went just too far…
Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte
I’d climb the highest mountain. I’d swim the ocean blue, I’d do anything my dear- Just to get away from you
1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALA
But girraffe was not eating. Why?
Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND
At a Rly stn a gal cheked her weight-58 kg
She removed sandal-56 kg
Then removed jacket-53kg
Then dupatta-52 kg
Coins khatam.
A baba in q behind her said- Beebe tu kam chaalu rakh, bhaan batheri hai babay kol
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
We wanted to say that this is a student conference, as it should be, held on a campus, and that we’re not ever
to be caught up in the intellectual masturbation of the question of Black Power.
Stokely Carmichael
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Lily Tomlin
We all have our individual romantic or idealistic ideas. To get information that masturbation is our basic form of
sex is hard, because who wants to admit they’re masturbating?
Betty Dodson
There are a lot of guys on both campaigns, on all the campaigns now, who do some very questionable
lobbying on behalf of very questionable interests and do things that trouble me a whole lot more than a woman
writing a book about masturbation.
Susan Estrich
Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that’s inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for
the rest of our lives.
Betty Dodson
Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of
imagination to make it work.
Karl Kraus
I was an altar boy, a spokesperson for the Virgin Mary, I was a choir boy but then at the age of 14 I discovered
masturbation and all that went out the window.
Guillermo del Toro
I used to think masturbation was not really sex because it only involved me. That’s a very limited view of
human sexuality, and it isn’t going to work for women.
Betty Dodson
I never did like working out – it bears the same relationship to real sport as masturbation does to real sex.
David Lodge
“Are you there, are you there, are you fucking anywhere? Are you an angel now? Fuck you” – Courtney Love
lying in Kurts blood after his suicide”
louiseyd Courtney Love quotes (American Singer. b.1964 in San Francisco, California, USA)
“A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.”
marklugris Kim Cattrall quotes (English Actress, b.1956
“The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what happened with Nixon… no
one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.”
marklugris Kim Cattrall quotes (English Actress, b.1956
“So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them – France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman
Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for fuck all! Yes, all they
did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.”
Arco Eddie Izzard quotes (British stand-up Comedian and Actor. b.1962)
“That’s the whole trouble. You can’t ever find a place that’s nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any. You
may think there is, but once you get there, when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck
you” right under your nose.”
Stola J. D. Salinger quotes
“I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better
create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets
in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs.
Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”
The next week, I think, people are coming back, going,
“Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.””
Arco Eddie Izzard quotes (British stand-up Comedian and Actor. b.1962)
“Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”
marklugris Kim Cattrall quotes (English Actress, b.1956)
“Rape’s not something where you just go, “Well, get over it” or “Believe in love and peace, my child, and it’ll all
be over.” Well, fuck you, that isn’t the answer. It’s a great thought, OK, but you can go and stick crystals up
your butt and get on with it. I’m all for love and peace, but that’s not the side I work on. If somebody would talk
about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That’s not healing. It was a very long time after that
before I was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before”
iwillalwayswrite Tori Amos quotes
“Well, you know, like, I don’t really give a fuck what the general public think.”
acekid Sid Vicious quotes (British punk rocker, 1957-1979)
“I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the
fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I’m gonna make you hard to reach. I
will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have
this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy
payments, and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We ain’t gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these
payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps
will be in the wrong denomination…Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!”
PinkWinkAnna Mitch Hedberg quotes
“I feel like someone who I wouldn’t let my own daughter fuck, and I also feel like someone who, if I was that
daugther, would want to fuck more that anyone else.”
godoffuck Marilyn Manson quotes
“We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I’m not being blase about abortion, it might be a real
issue, it might not, doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you
believe it for life of all ages. That’s what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. “Save the children!
They’re killing children! How many children were at Waco? They’re killing children!” What does that mean?
They reach a certain age and they’re off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that’s the way you think
then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes
“I feel nothing but grief, sorrow and sadness for Sid (VIcious). l’ve lost my friend, I couldn’t have changed it, I
was young. God I wish I was smarter… He’s dead for fuck’s sake.”
kallesan Johnny Rotten quotes
“I’m no one’s lap dog, you can’t put me on a leash, and that was the attitude of it, fuck off.”
jesus_manson Johnny Rotten quotes
“Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else.
What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body – as
long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961
“Because you know if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards they sound better. “Oh come on,
Bill, they’re the New Kids, don’t pick on them, they’re so good and they’re so clean cut and they’re such a
good image for the children.” Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your
children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking ROCKED! I don’t care if they died in puddles of
their own vomit! I want someone who plays from his fucking HEART!”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes
“The ‘not-giving-a-fuck’ meter is as far into the red-zone as ever before.”
santiz Lars Ulrich quotes
“I’m also tired of hearing about innocent victims; this is an outmoded idea. There are no innocent victims. If
you’re born on this world you’re guilt, period, f*ck you, end of report, next case. Your birth certificate is proof of
guilt.”
themuzikchid George Carlin quotes
Don’t find the time to cry for me, don’t find the words to speak for me, don’t find the nerve to feel for me, just
get the fuck away from me”
“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
George Carlin quotes
“Porno is the unconsciousness of culture, the libido of humanity.”
About: Pornography quotes.
“Playboy isn’t like the downscale, male bonding, beer-swilling phenomena that is being promoted now by
(some men’s magazines). My whole notion was the romantic connection between male and female.”
Hugh Hefner quotes
“It’s very difficult to fail at pornography”
Michael Chabon quotes
“A sodomite got very excited looking at a zoology text. Does this make it pornography?”
Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes
“If we define pornography as any message from any communication medium that is intended to arouse sexual
excitement, then it is clear that most advertisements are covertly pornographic.”
Philip Slater quotes
“Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.”
D.H. Lawrence quotes
“Pornography is pornography, what is there to see? Movies are attempting to destroy something that’s
supposed to be the most beautiful thing a man and a woman can have by making it cheap and common. It’s
what you don’t see that’s attractive.”
Nancy Reagan quotes
“Pornography exists for the lonesome, the ugly, the fearful – It’s made for the losers”
Rita Mae Brown quotes (American Writer, b.1944)
“A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish
that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn”
Dave Barry quotes
“How do I know pornography depraves and corrupts? It depraves and corrupts me”
Malcolm Muggeridge quotes
bakwaas ladki hai ekdum idiot—anonymous : )
Michael Grayson
A Master asks nothing in return for his love and his self-sacrifice. . . He lives just to love, pure and simple. His
only wish is that we progress within. He wants us to experience deeper and deeper levels of bliss, so that we
can soar to higher and higher stages of ecstasy. That is his only prayer for us.” – from our wonderful living
Master Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj
a girl’s walking style makes her look very sexy, especiallty frm back her swinging ass attracts mates : )
if u dont marry 90 % of the problem cannot touvh u : )
if u ask me what wil happen to the oone who is made for u , i wil say the same that happen to hanumani 😀
got it? no one is made for othres, everyone is made for themselves. Enjoy: )
ghar mein chup kar blue fil dekh rahe the: dialogue frm the muvi BHOBI GHAT 🙂
FULFILLING THE BASIC NEEDS (food , clothing etc ) never creates worry. its the fulfilment of ego which
creates worry.
in turning 30 muvi vibrator dialogue by massage giver to gul panag : )
marriage is the price man pays for sex and sex is the price woman pays for sex , having understood this deep
man woman philosophy …will u marry me?…yes…dialogue frm muvi CHINI KUM : )
You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. I’m older and wiser and I think I’d
make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.
Stevie Nicks
You know, I have guys that are almost stalkers… it is very strange. I had this one guy that e-mailed me off my
site, and thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He then came to my house in London, I do not know how he
found it.
Caprice Bourret
When we meet, I’m interested and I’m curious about what he’s doing because he’s burning a number from a
client. And I’m like, ‘Who is this?’ and my girlfriend’s like, ‘That’s a drug dealer. Stay away from him.’
Rosario Dawson
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, “Did you sleep good?” I said “No, I made a few
mistakes.”
Steven Wright
When I was twenty-two it was a lot harder to get hurt by women. It was easier for me to, you know, cheat on a
girlfriend. I can’t lie like that anymore.
Matt Dillon
When I was nine, I had this girlfriend and we used to have running races in the park. I wanted to be like
Superman and fly in and rescue her.
Orlando Bloom
Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don’t love.
Jack Nicholson
We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it’s a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or
intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.
Betty Dodson
There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.
Jack Nicholson
That’s a rule in the business. No tongue. You can’t really get into it, otherwise, it’s weird. I think that particular
scene made his (Adam Brody) girlfriend jealous. There were issues.
Rachel Bilson
Steadman! Any guy that’s got Oprah as a girlfriend, I mean that’s a good dude. I want to talk to him.
Billy Bush
Personally, I don’t like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she’ll fool her husband, I figure she’ll fool me.
Orson Welles
Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of
course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible.
A. J. McLean
On-screen relationships are the best because you don’t have to worry about saying the wrong things. And if
the guy’s got a girlfriend, or I’m not attracted to him, it’s even better. It’s just my character kissing his
character.
Alicia Witt
Not every problem someone has with his girlfriend is necessarily due to the capitalist mode of production.
Herbert Marcuse
My Roman girlfriend translates bits from Italian into English. It is sublime.
Francesca da Rimini
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
Jay London
My girlfriend claims that her last boyfriend was a better kisser than me and I have to admit, he is pretty good.
Dwight York
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
Jay London
My girlfriend at the time convinced me to send these songs to Cavity Search. When they wanted to put out my
record I was totally shocked.
Elliott Smith
My girlfriend and I rented a nice house on the river and I was there for about two and a half months, and we
were just out of Alabama. I hardly got to see Alabama.
Albert Finney
My bed isn’t made, I’m tired, I haven’t slept well for two weeks. I haven’t been laid in a month. I don’t have a
girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest.
Layne Staley
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend.
Phil Ochs
It wasn’t my intention in going after this part but I suppose now I do. The adult roles are a lot meatier – you’re
not always just the daughter or the girlfriend or whatever.
Emmy Rossum
If your best friend has stolen your girlfriend, it does become life and death.
Ben Kingsley
If you’ve got Mystique as your girlfriend the fun you could have in bed – I’ve just imagined X-Men 3 might open
with me in bed with Patrick Stewart.
Ian Mckellen
If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for
your team. They don’t have a choice.
Jimmy Fallon
I’m the biggest nerd – I love comic books and stuff like that! I don’t have any friends who are actresses. I only
had one girlfriend when I was growing up. Most of my friends were boys. I was such a tomboy. I enjoyed doing
guy things.
Megan Fox
I was reading through endless junk scripts that were being sent my way. Typically the roles were to play his
wife or his girlfriend – leading roles for women were few and far between.
Roma Downey
I think the reason I don’t read is because, when I’m reading, I feel like I’m missing out on something else. You
know, What are my friends doing? Where’s my girlfriend?
Adam Sandler
I think the qualities I look for in a girl I’d like to be my girlfriend would be the way Lindsay’s character is before
she becomes a plastic. Very real.
Jonathan Bennett
I think I’d make a pretty good girlfriend.
Vanessa Hudgens
I studied German at school. I lived in Berlin for two years and had a German girlfriend for five years, so I don’t
find speaking German particularly difficult. Singing was slightly more difficult.
Martin Gore
I still have not given up the idea of becoming a journalist, but at 17 I decided to follow my heart and stay in Los
Angeles with my girlfriend as opposed to going to Johns Hopkins.
Mackenzie Astin
I saw a guy being really abusive to his girlfriend. She was asking people to help, but no one would. When he
grabbed her, I tried to separate them, but he turned on me. I punched him and knocked him down. It wasn’t a
scandal; I was just doing what anybody should.
Timothy Hutton
I loved the idea of Travolta sitting on the kid’s swing, pining away for his girlfriend.
Randal Kleiser
I love football and beer and have a normal girlfriend.
Josh Duhamel
I like being scared every now and then, I like the suspense and the thrills. Nothing like taking a girlfriend to a
movie and holding her hand while she jumps.
Scott Foley
I have stepped off the relationship scene to come to terms with myself. I have spent most of my adult life being
‘someone’s girlfriend’, and now I am happy being single.
Penelope Cruz
I have a girlfriend, but I don’t really want to talk about her. I won’t name her. She isn’t in show business, has
nothing to do with it. So I’d rather just keep her out of it.
Luke Perry
I fantasize about going back to high school with the knowledge I have now. I would shine. I would have a good
time, I would have a girlfriend. I think that’s where a lot of my pain comes from. I think I never had any teenage
years to go back to.
Spalding Gray
I don’t know if it’s how I speak or what it is about me that presents that sort of label, but I don’t know how
many times I have to be out in public with a girlfriend to stop that from being said.
Jeff Garcia
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
Mitch Hedberg
I couldn’t feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can’t even pay her heating
bill. I’d feel foul and I’d be embarrassed.
Shirley Manson
i dont hav a girl friend but i hav two boy fiends —a gay 😀
I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend.
Pink
I asked my girlfriend, ‘Will you marry me?’ She said, ‘We’ll have to ask my father.’ So we had a seance and
Jack Ruby says, ‘Hello!’
Emo Philips
Girls had never been important. I’d had a girlfriend or two and had liked them a lot but it wasn’t love, because
my first love was tennis.
Boris Becker
Girlfriend and 100 Percent Fun were my two peeks, around ’92 and ’96. The reality is that the times I had the
most media success, sold lots of records and played bigger shows, I had the least control of my own life.
Matthew Sweet
Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who’s sending me a slant board.
Bernadette Peters
Even Tom Sawyer had a girlfriend and to talk about adults without talking about their sex drives is like talking
about a window without glass.
Grace Metalious
Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you
feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me
my space at the show.
Adam Sandler
Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.
Joe Rogan
Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly.
James De La Vega
At first I was always cast as the girlfriend. It was a long time before I got to play characters who were people.
Jacqueline Bisset
As a little kid I had a girlfriend, and her boyfriend used to beat me up, so then I used to sing these songs, and
that’s what it’s all about. Country music is all about your heart and your people and things like that.
Dick Dale
Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you’re going out. Have your girlfriend clip your
nails or something like that.
Usher Raymond
Any judge who allows an adulterer with a live-in girlfriend to terminate the life of his wife should be impeached.
Phyllis Schlafly
A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend’s girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too
many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she’s really attractive.
Bruce Jay Friedman
There are some women whose pregnancy would make some sly bachelor smile.
Honore De Balzac
The U.S. Census Bureau acknowledged this fact when it reported that those with a bachelor’s degree earn on
average $1 million more over their lifetime than those with only a high school diploma.
Elijah Cummings
The notion of the single man began in the 1950’s. The idea of the bachelor as a separate life was new and
obscure.
Hugh Hefner
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a
married man.
Helen Rowland
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland
My first speaking part was to read for John Forsythe for Bachelor Father. I was the lead, opposite him.
Linda Evans
Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with that early on, or you go away.
Jean Harris
I have a Bachelor of Arts in English, which means I had a lot of formal training in reading.
Kate DiCamillo
I declare that I am a bachelor.
Julian Eltinge
I am ashamed to admit I watch a lot of reality shows like The Osbournes and The Bachelor.
Sara Gilbert
Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.
Lady Bird Johnson
Do not let your bachelor ways crystallize so that you can’t soften them when you come to have a wife and a
family of your own.
Rutherford B. Hayes
A politician ought to be born a foundling and remain a bachelor.
Claudia Johnson
A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.
Samuel Goldwyn
A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.
Francis Bacon
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
Helen Rowland
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
Helen Rowland
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
Ed Wynn
A bachelor is a man who comes to work each morning from a different direction.
Sholom Aleichem
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
Ruskin bond’s stories …check out if there is a video in youtube for a serial based on bond’s stories : )
Sant Mat :Inner Light Meditation: “The drop of my soul rises to merge in the Ocean of Pure Light, leaving
behind the illusory creation.” “When your eye, turning inward into your brain, pierces the sky within and your
Spirit leaving your body, flies upward, you will sight the heaven which is the location of the Thousand-Petalled
Lotus”. (Swami Ji Maharaj of Agra)
People say that the most painpul thing in life is loosing the 1 u value the most… Bt actually the most painful
thing is loosing urself in the process of valuing some1 so much…. :(( :(( :((
suppose a girl or boy of ur age comes to u for advice on being happy. the advice u give to her/him, give the
same advice to urself and enjoy…simple :)…..like say u may say to the girl /boy that u r good looking ….live ur
life ur way 🙂
girls mature sexually early as they hav the the min marriage age as 18yrs and boys hav 21 yrs.
job seeker is itself an occupation ofcourse without pay : )
a relation between a girl of 26 and boy of 21 broke off as the boy found her very desperate and horny, and he
felt like she is her aunty 😀
I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.
David Herbert Lawrence
He must not laugh at his own wheeze: a snuff box has no right to sneeze.
Keith Preston
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
Jean Kerr
Be able to sneeze without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself or spraying your immediate
vicinity.
Marilyn vos Savant
An orgasm is just a reflex, like a sneeze.
Ruth Westheimer
Yet food is something that is taken for granted by most world leaders despite the fact that more than half of
the population of the world is hungry.
Norman Borlaug
Worse there cannot be; a better, I believe, there may be, by giving energy to the capital and skill of the country
to produce exports, by increasing which, alone, can we flatter ourselves with the prospect of finding
employment for that part of our population now unemployed.
Joseph Hume
With a growing population, there is a growing need for more water delivery and storage.
Joe Baca
When you’re bringing in a fairly unknown candidate challenging a sitting president, the population needs a lot
more information than reduced coverage provides.
Walter Cronkite
When 25 percent of the population believe the President should be impeached and 51 percent of the
population believe in UFOs, you may or may not need a new President, but you definitely need a new
population.
Harry Reasoner
Well I actually do have a country house in Connecticut with a population of 3,000. Like, how small is that? I
spend a lot of time there – I write up there. So I kind of have the best of both worlds and I love going up there.
Candace Bushnell
We’ve shown the world that New York can never be defeated, because of its dynamic and diverse population
and because it embodies the spirit of enterprise and the love of liberty.
Michael Bloomberg
We’ve had a long wrangle with the pharmaceutical industry about parallel imports, and what we were saying is
we want to make medicines and drugs as affordable as a possible to what is largely a poor population.
Thabo Mbeki
We wait here to meet the Provisional Revolutionary Government of South Vietnam to discuss together a
ceremony of orderly transfer of power so as to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed in the population.
Duong Van Minh
We receive reports now on a daily basis from our own people on the ground in Darfur on widespread atrocities
and grave violations of human rights against the civilian population.
Jan Egeland
We plan to eliminate the state of Israel and establish a purely Palestinian state. We will make life unbearable
for Jews by psychological warfare and population explosion. We Palestinians will take over everything,
including all of Jerusalem.
Yasser Arafat
We need to continue to decrease the growth rate of the global population; the planet can’t support many more
people.
Nina Fedoroff
We in the West do not refrain from childbirth because we are concerned about the population explosion or
because we feel we cannot afford children, but because we do not like children.
Germaine Greer
We have three billion people, half the world’s population today, living on less than two dollars a day.
James Wolfensohn
We have a large underclass in Britain, and a fairly low standard of education. Our best universities are
extremely good, but a very significant proportion of the British population that comes out of compulsory
schooling with very low standards of education.
Nigel Short
We estimate that humanitarian agencies have access to about 350,000 vulnerable people in Darfur – only
about one third of the estimated total population in need.
Jan Egeland
We can survive as a population only if we conserve, develop sustainably, and protect the world’s resources.
Silvia Cartwright
We are of the opinion that an important and irreversible process is taking place among the white population.
Just as with the blacks, the whites, too, are currently overcoming a psychological barrier.
Joe Slovo
We are entering a new phase in human history – one in which fewer and fewer workers will be needed to
produce the goods and services for the global population.
Jeremy Rifkin
We are 5 percent of the global population and consume a third of the total resources – on some level we
should all feel guilty relative to the world.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
We all worry about the population explosion, but we don’t worry about it at the right time.
Arthur Hoppe
USA Today has come out with a new survey – apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the
population.
David Letterman
Unless we do things in this country to slow down our population, slow down our birth control, provide better
water for people, provide power for people, we’re gonna find out that the next wars are not going to be fought
over diamonds, gold and political things.
Evel Knievel
Today’s population of adolescents and young adults is the largest in our nation’s history.
Ruben Hinojosa
Today, unless women gain jobs and athletic scholarships commensurate with their percentage of the
population, feminists scream discrimination.
Marvin Olasky
Today, if you look at financial systems around the globe, more than half the population of the world – out of six
billion people, more than three billion – do not qualify to take out a loan from a bank. This is a shame.
Muhammad Yunus
Today we see a human population of over 6 billion people, many of whom have serious medical conditions,
which either can’t be treated or cannot be treated economically.
Ralph Merkle
To balance China, the democracies will need new friends – and India with its fast-growing economy, youthful
population, and democratic politics seems the obvious candidate.
David Frum
Three-quarters of the world’s population doesn’t have enough to eat!
Helen Reddy
Those 3,000 jobs in Sioux Falls, based on our population back then in Sioux Falls, would have taken 300,000
jobs in New York City to equal it at Citibank.
Bill Janklow
This is a very difficult question. If you take a look at the aging population and demographics, we are going to
have a big increase in the number of health care jobs needed in the state and in the country.
David Obey
They divided the city into three electoral wards, and in one ward there was 70 percent of the people, the
Catholic population, and they elected eight representatives to the city council.
John Hume
There’s no way New Orleans will ever be the city it was. I think it will have half the population. They may create
a sort of Disneyland at the French Quarter for tourists. The rest I don’t know.
Geraldo Rivera
There is not one single place built in this country that did not have a former Arab population.
Moshe Dayan
There is an Islamic population in France, most of which comes from the North African countries.
Jean-Marie Le Pen
There is a very large chunk of our population who firmly believe in extraterrestrials.
Jeri Ryan
There is a segment of the American population that has been excluded from the national myth, and that
should be redressed.
Edward Zwick
There is a hugely underserved population out there… those who are the least capable of paying pay the
highest.
James Cameron
There has always been quite a strong black and white art tradition in Australia, with quite a large contingent of
cartoonists, given the size of the population.
Pat Oliphant
There can be no peace in the world so long as a large proportion of the population lack the necessities of life
and believe that a change of the political and economic system will make them available. World peace must
be based on world plenty.
John Boyd Orr
There are the further difficulties of building a population out of a diversity of races, each at a different stage of
cultural evolution, some in need of restraint, many in need of protection; everywhere a bewildering Babel of
tongues.
Arthur Keith
There are reasons for believing that the English increase will far surpass others, and that the diffusion of the
United States will ultimately produce the general population of America.
Ezra Stiles
There are nearly 200 countries and a population of over 6 billion in today’s world. International affairs should be
addressed by all countries through consultations rather than monopolised by a few powers.
Li Peng
Then it was that the exports of slaves from Virginia and the Carolinas was so great that the population of those
States remained almost, if not quite stationary.
Henry Charles Carey
The whole of the global economy is based on supplying the cravings of two per cent of the world’s population.
Bill Bryson
The whole action of the laws tended to increase the number of consumers of food and to diminish the number
of producers, was due the invention of the Malthusian theory of population.
Henry Charles Carey
The village had a mill near it, situated on the little creek, which made very good flour. The population consisted
of civilized Indians, but much mixed blood.
Zebulon Pike
The United States Jewish population has made many vital contributions in all areas of our society in such
ways as helping to develop the cultural, scientific, political and economic life of our country.
Jon Porter
The two things that could have been better is number one, to get major military force into the community
almost immediately to make sure that there was law and order. Number two, we had enough helicopters to
airlift food into the centers of population and those places.
Warren Rudman
The time is coming when the pressure of population on the means of subsistence will be felt here as it is now
felt in Europe and Asia. Then will the world enter upon a new stage of its history – the final competition of
races, for which the Anglo-Saxon is being schooled.
Josiah Strong
The system that had grown up in most states is that wealthy districts with an affluent population can afford to
spend a lot more on their public school systems than the poorer districts.
William Weld
The superior power of population cannot be checked without producing misery or vice.
Thomas Malthus
The strongest initiative that government can take to ensure Australia is prepared for population ageing, is to
maintain a strong economy, and a secure nation.
Julie Bishop
The Sierra Club in the United States has now really come out for population control and reduction.
Susan George
The rate of population growth in the United States is slightly below that required to reproduce itself.
Emanuel Celler
The purpose of population is not ultimately peopling earth. It is to fill heaven.
Graham Leonard
The problem of Italy is not really a question of age. Japan has an older population, and it is now in full
economic recovery. The problem is that Italy is old in the structure of the society.
Romano Prodi
The prevalence of suicide, without doubt, is a test of height in civilization; it means that the population is
winding up its nervous and intellectual system to the utmost point of tension and that sometimes it snaps.
Henry Ellis
The power of population is indefinitely greater than the power in the earth to produce subsistence for man.
Thomas Malthus
The possibility of divorce renders both marriage partners stricter in their observance of the duties they owe to
each other. Divorces help to improve morals and to increase the population.
Denis Diderot
The population forecast for the United States in 1970 is 170 million. The population forecast for Russia alone in
1970 is 251 million. The implications are clear.
Emanuel Celler
The poorer is a family, the greater is the proportion of the total outgo which must be used for food… The
proportion of the outgo used for food, other things being equal, is the best measure of the material standard of
living of a population.
Ernst Engel
The point of our demographics is that we’re not having as many children and the population is stagnant, if not
declining. So without immigration, we’re not going to have the population.
Susan Oliver
The optimum population is, then, less than the maximum.
Garrett Hardin
The military has been tremendously important in the past during catastrophes and in protecting the population.
But it shouldn’t become an auxiliary police force.
Otto Schily
The increase in the world’s population represents our victory against death.
Julian Lincoln Simon
The forgotten world is made up primarily of the developing nations, where most of the people, comprising more
than fifty percent of the total world population, live in poverty, with hunger as a constant companion and fear of
famine a continual menace.
Norman Borlaug
The Federal prison population has increased more than 7-fold over the past 20 years.
Bobby Scott
The destruction of our environment and resources cannot be stemmed unless the growth of the world’s
population is stemmed and ultimately reduced.
Henry W. Kendall
The constant effort towards population, which is found even in the most vicious societies, increases the
number of people before the means of subsistence are increased.
Thomas Malthus
The broad masses of a population are more amenable to the appeal of rhetoric than to any other force.
Adolf Hitler
The black population now consists of two distinct classes-the middle class and the poor.
Constance Baker Motley
The aging of the U.S. population is a theme that we believe strongly in and the health care sector is really right
in the bulls eye of this particular theme.
John Zimmerman
The aging and decreasing population is a serious problem in many developed countries today. In Japan’s case,
these demographic changes are taking place at a more rapid pace than any other country has ever
experienced.
Toshihiko Fukui
The aging and declining population will have far-reaching impacts. Declining fertility rates will possibly increase
immigration. The structure of family and society will inevitably change.
Toshihiko Fukui
Still, whether we like it or not, the task of speeding up the decrease of the human population becomes
increasingly urgent.
Havelock Ellis
Since the end of the Second World War, our population has more than doubled to 27 million people.
Kim Campbell
Since 1957, black people have experienced double-digit unemployment – in good times and bad times. Look at
the population of African Americans in prison. They represent more than half the population of prisoners in the
country, 55 percent of those on death row.
Danny Glover
Since 1850, burning of fossil fuels, coal, oil and natural gas has increased 100 times to produce energy as the
world has industrialized to serve the world’s more than 6 billion and growing population.
John Olver
Schools that are to cater for the whole population must offer courses that are as rich and varied as are the
needs and abilities of the children who enter them.
Peter Fraser
Santa is our culture’s only mythic figure truly believed in by a large percentage of the population. It’s a fact that
most of the true believers are under eight years old, and that’s a pity.
Chris Van Allsburg
Reaching out to Hispanics is critical to our future. The fastest-growing, and most conservative, segment of the
population are natural Republicans.
Ken Mehlman
President Bush’s war on Iraq is viewed broadly in Islamic communities as an attack on Islam, and thus the
President has alienated a large part of one fifth of the world’s population.
John Olver
Population, when unchecked, goes on doubling itself every 25 years or increases in a geometrical ratio.
Thomas Malthus
Population growth and development place additional stress on the Nation’s water infrastructure and its ability
to sustain hard-won water quality gains.
Jerry Costello
People in Medicaid ought to have access to the same insurance as the rest of the population. If they are
segregated, it will be a poor plan for poor people.
John Goodman
People don’t understand rural America. Sixteen percent of our population is rural, but 40 percent of our military
is rural. I don’t believe that’s because of a lack of opportunity in rural America. I believe that’s because if you
grow up in rural America, you know you can’t just keep taking from the land. You’ve got to give something
back.
Tom Vilsack
Ours is not a poor country and even though we are now a poor people, there should be no room for the
despondency that has settled on large sections of the population.
John Agyekum Kufuor
Our population is headed for a stable plateau, which means an aging population.
Emanuel Celler
Our great history has been that people came to Michigan because you didn’t have to have a college degree to
get a good-paying job. Consequently, we have got a larger number of our population that right now are facing
outsourcing, et cetera, without higher or advanced degrees.
Jennifer M. Granholm
Our fifty principal cities contain 39.3 per cent of our entire German population, and 45.8 per cent of the Irish.
Our ten larger cities only nine per cent of the entire population, but 23 per cent of the foreign.
Josiah Strong
One of the great strengths of the United States is… we have a very large Christian population – we do not
consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of
citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values.
Barack Obama
One in four children being victimized? That’s about seven children in every classroom. That’s a significant
proportion of the population.
Wendy Craig
No country in Europe has a larger proportion of men and women of immigrant descent, mainly from the African
continent and mainly Muslim: an estimated six to seven million of them, or more than 10% of the population.
Timothy Garton Ash
Of course, a positive growth rate might be taken as evidence that a population is below its optimum.
Garrett Hardin
No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever.
J. Michael Straczynski
My home State of North Carolina ranks 12th in the United States for increased aging population and,
according to a national report, 41st in overall health. According to this same report, individuals aged 50+ are
the least healthy.
Howard Coble
My films play only in Bengal, and my audience is the educated middle class in the cities and small towns.
They also play in Bombay, Madras and Delhi where there is a Bengali population.
Satyajit Ray
Many Americans are unaware that we still have a large population of working families, elderly, and children
who rely on emergency food pantries, shelters, and other resources to meet their nutritional needs.
Blanche Lincoln
Maine’s long and cold winters may help keep our State’s population low, but our harsh climate also accounts
for what is unique and valuable about our land and our people.
Tom Allen
Living in an entirely different physical as well as biotic environment, such a population would have unique
opportunities to enter new niches and to select novel adaptive pathways.
Ernst Mayr
Ladies and gentlemen, on the occasion of my election I received many letters from people representing all
segments of the population and all professions, especially from the younger generation, linking my
inauguration with great – far too great – expectations.
Gustav Heinemann
Kids just don’t read any more. They spend much more time with video games. It’s just hard to get kids to read
anything. Book sales have dropped dramatically, too. I think 90% of the books are bought only by 5% of the
US population.
Stan Sakai
Jewish immigration in the 20th century was fueled by the Holocaust, which destroyed most of the European
Jewish community. The migration made the United States the home of the largest Jewish population in the
world.
Jon Porter
Jails and prisons are designed to break human beings, to convert the population into specimens in a zoo –
obedient to our keepers, but dangerous to each other.
Angela Davis
It’s really cool to know that you’ve put something together that isn’t for a particular audience. It’s so often that a
TV show can really only speak to one sect of the population, and this really is something that appeals to a
worldwide fan base. People who are into the pursuit of knowledge. Their reaction has meant the world to us.
David Krumholtz
It’s human nature to keep doing something as long as it’s pleasurable and you can succeed at it – which is
why the world population continues to double every 40 years.
Peter Lynch
It’s a wonderful thing to see a segment of our population that is open and eager to learn more about Chinese
culture. It has filtered into the mainstream. You see credit-card ads on TV with white couples and Chinese
babies.
Iris Chang
It is true, there are many bad people; there are more of them than in the past, but that is because there are
more people, meaning the population has tripled; there must be three times more bad people.
Bhumibol Adulyadej
It is sufficient to say, what everybody knows to be true, that the Irish population is Catholic, and that the
Protestants, whether of the Episcopalian or Presbyterian Church, or of both united, are a small minority of the
Irish people.
John Bright
It is not more people that are needed in the world but better people, physically, morally and mentally. This
question of raising the quality of our American population must also be taken into account in the question of
immigration.
Agnes E. Meyer
Israel would not do that, both because we cannot afford to be accused by the world of aggression and because
we cannot, for security and social reasons, absorb in our midst a substantial Arab population.
Moshe Sharett
Infectious diseases introduced with Europeans, like smallpox and measles, spread from one Indian tribe to
another, far in advance of Europeans themselves, and killed an estimated 95% of the New World’s Indian
population.
Jared Diamond
In Washington State, the immigrant population has grown by 42 percent in the five years between 2000 and
2005 – which is an increase from 8 percent to 10.6 percent of the overall population – and the jobless rate in the
state has hit a 6 year low.
Dave Reichert
In the final analysis, the whole cause of world revolution hinges on the revolutionary struggles of the Asian,
African and Latin American people who make up the overwhelming majority of the world’s population.
Lin Biao
In order to stabilize world population, we must eliminate 350,000 per day.
Jacques Yves Cousteau
Imagine a political system so radical as to promise to move more of the poorest 20% of the population into the
richest 20% than remain in the poorest bracket within the decade? You don’t need to imagine it. It’s called the
United States of America.
Thomas Sowell
Illinois has less than a 12 percent black population and I won with 55 percent of the vote.
Carol Moseley Braun
If you can get a teen leader in each sector of a student population, you can pull people in. Everybody wants to
get involved, but most are too afraid. When they see a person they think is cool leading it, they’re first to join.
Andrew Shue
If we do not voluntarily bring population growth under control in the next one or two decades, the nature will do
it for us in the most brutal way, whether we like it or not.
Henry W. Kendall
If the tenth of the population that is gay became visible tomorrow, the panic of the majority of people would
inspire repressive legislation of a sort that would shock even the pessimists among us.
Jane Rule
I’m not overly alarmist about it, but I do think there are some worrying signs, like the growing accumulation of
wealth by a very small proportion of the population, plus elections in the US are much more dominated by
money than anywhere else calling itself a democracy.
Peter Singer
I was ever of the opinion, that the honest man who married and brought up a large family, did more service
than he who continued single, and only talked of population.
Oliver Goldsmith
I support population control. I think USA should do the same.
Alex Chiu
I have just joined the Board of the Population Institute because I am convinced that early stabilization of the
world’s population is important for the attainment of this objective.
Walter Kohn
I fail to understand how you can justify a poll tax on the entire population, yet exclude a significant proportion
of that population from programmes that this tax is paying for.
Jonathan Dimbleby
I am astonished each time I come to the U.S. by the ignorance of a high percentage of the population, which
knows almost nothing about Latin America or about the world. It’s quite blind and deaf to anything that may
happen outside the frontiers of the U.S.
Eduardo Galeano
Five years from now, 10 years from now, there’s going to be a huge Islamic population in the world, they’re
going to be nationalistic, they’re going to be religious, and they’re going to be militant.
Chris Matthews
Everybody knows that the great reversed triangle of land, with its base in the north and its apex in the south,
which is called India, embraces fourteen hundred thousand square miles, upon which is spread unequally a
population of one hundred and eighty millions of souls.
Jules Verne
Every industry is going to be affected (by the aging population). This creates tremendous opportunities and
tremendous challenges.
Pat Conroy
Education… has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
G. M. Trevelyan
Do not forget birthdays. This is in no way a propaganda for a larger population.
Gertrude Stein
Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been
entirely completed.
William Jennings Bryan
Currently, Boston has only nine percent of the state’s population – but we provide more than 16 percent of the
jobs and 19 percent of the state’s revenues.
Thomas Menino
Contrasting sharply, in the developing countries represented by India, Pakistan, and most of the countries in
Asia and Africa, seventy to eighty percent of the population is engaged in agriculture, mostly at the
subsistence level.
Norman Borlaug
China is not only formidable, it is also aggressively building its own economic infrastructure. Just a few years
from now, China will rival the U.S. and the European Union in global market power. It already has surpassed
us in population.
Jo Ann Emerson
But as population became denser, the natural chemical and biological recycling processes became
overloaded, calling for a redefinition of property rights.
Garrett Hardin
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
Chris Rock
Beyond the Catholic exclusionary paradigm is a larger one which is the Christian one. Christians claim that if
you don’t believe in Christ, you can’t get to heaven. Well that eliminates two thirds of the world’s population!
Neale Donald Walsch
At the end of all this, Russia held in her hands a vast belt of land running from the Baltic sea in the north to the
Black Sea in the south, comprising eleven nations with a population of 100 million people.
John T. Flynn
As the president of Kosovo, I am more concerned about the current situation with the employment standing at
around 70 % of the population, which is young, with great potential, speaking many foreign languages and
having wide expertise.
Ibrahim Rugova
As the population of Georgia increased dramatically, so did development.
Roy Barnes
As a small country, both in size and population, our future hinges on the quality of our people.
Hassanal Bolkiah
And so, the youngsters you have today, even though there are far fewer of them – in World War II 16.5 million
men and women in uniform, today roughly a million in uniform in spite of the fact that the country is almost
twice as large a population as we had in World War II.
Oliver North
An estimated 7 million illegal immigrants were residing in the United States in January 2000. This is double
the size of the illegal immigrant population in January 1990 and constitutes 2.5 percent of the total U.S.
population of just over 281 million.
Gary Miller
America was indebted to immigration for her settlement and prosperity. That part of America which had
encouraged them most had advanced most rapidly in population, agriculture and the arts.
James Madison
Although when Christianity appeared the total population of the planet was only a fraction of that of the
twentieth century, most of the earth’s surface was quite outside the Mediterranean world, Persia, India, and
China.
Kenneth Scott Latourette
Although children are only 24 percent of the population, they’re 100 percent of our future and we cannot afford
to provide any child with a substandard education.
Ed Markey
Although approximately 80% of osteoporosis sufferers are women, as the longevity of the male population
increases, the disease will assume increasing importance in men.
Gro Harlem Brundtland
All I claimed was that when a drastic change occurs, it occurs in a relatively small and isolated population.
Ernst Mayr
After all the fertile land in the immediate neighbourhood of the first settlers were cultivated, if capital and
population increased, more food would be required, and it could only be procured from land not so
advantageously situated.
David Ricardo
African Americans make up about 13 percent of the U.S. population but comprise 32 percent of patients
treated for kidney failure, giving them a kidney failure rate that is 4.2 times greater than that of white
Americans.
Xavier Becerra
About 20 per cent of the population believe themselves to have a food allergy and only about five per cent
actually do.
John Warner
A virulent, aggressive minority has decided that Americans don’t know themselves what it is they should see,
and need to be protected by people who are wiser than they are, even if they are only a tiny sliver of the
population.
Jock Sturges
A very Faustian choice is upon us: whether to accept our corrosive and risky behavior as the unavoidable price
of population and economic growth, or to take stock of ourselves and search for a new environmental ethic.
E. O. Wilson
A total of 1,580 people, the civilian population, suffered as a result of the bloody wave of terrorist acts that
swept over Moscow and other towns and villages of our country.
Boris Yeltsin
A successful society is characterized by a rising living standard for its population, increasing investment in
factories and basic infrastructure, and the generation of additional surplus, which is invested in generating new
discoveries in science and technology.
Robert Trout
A finite world can support only a finite population; therefore, population growth must eventually equal zero.
Garrett Hardin
When someone is HIV-positive and his partner says, I want to have sexual relations with you, he doesn’t have
to do that. But when he does, he has to use a condom.
Godfried Danneels
The Catholic Church – it’s so difficult because I don’t want say anything offensive but it makes me very angry
that religious leaders from this faith have tried to respond negatively to sexual education and to the promotion
of condom use.
Emma Thompson
Some people use just one condom, right? But we use tons.
Tracey Emin
Safe sex – with a condom, rubber gloves and a wet suit is fine as long as you don’t fall in love.
Kerry Thornley
One of the problems with sex education… is that it also strips kids – especially girls – of their modesty to have
every detail of anatomy, physiology and condom usage made explicit.
James Dobson
If you’re going to have sex, use a condom.
Dennis Rodman
If we only said safe sex, use a condom, we won’t stop the spread of AIDS in this country.
Thabo Mbeki
I don’t have to say ‘Rap it up’ every two seconds, or ‘Don’t do drugs’ every two seconds. They know they’re not
supposed to use drugs, and they know they’re supposed to put a condom on.
Curtis Jackson
But certainly in Uganda, Mozambique and South Africa, people don’t really talk about sex and certainly
religious leaders – some of them – up to now have been very unwilling to accept, for instance, the promotion of
condom use.
Emma Thompson
Abstinence, being faithful and correct and consistent condom use are the only ways to successfully reach
everyone when discussing HIV prevention. I believe that the abstinence message alone does not solve the
AIDS epidemic.
Ashley Judd
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally
began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it’s 22 years later, and they still haven’t lost their
virginity.
Conan O’Brien
We are all hungry and thirsty for concrete images. Abstract art will have been good for one thing: to restore its
exact virginity to figurative art.
Salvador Dali
Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower.
Karl Kraus
Virginity is such a personal thing. You can’t judge anyone on it. A lot of young women feel they want to save
themselves for the man who they think they’ll love forever.
Joyce Brothers
Virginity can be lost by a thought.
St. Jerome
Security is like virginity: you’re either a virgin or you’re not. You either have security or you don’t.
Lennart Meri
Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don’t mind.
Herbert Beerbohm Tree
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
Voltaire
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that
separates ignorance from knowledge.
Voltaire
I lost my virginity when I was 14. And I haven’t been able to find it.
David Duchovny
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18 The first time was a nightmare. Who shows you how to use a condom?
Adam Ant
Girls are losing their virginity at 15, 16. I’m not promoting that. But my songs are talking… about me becoming
a man.
Chris Brown
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin
12, 13, you still lost your virginity. I don’t care how old you were.
Tavis Smiley
When men have money and power they get turned on, sexually. They get horny as hell. Can’t imagine why,
though.
Penelope Spheeris
There’s a hell of a lot of horny people (including girls/women —vishal) out there who are not being gratified in
the way they should be.
Colleen McCullough
The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen and all of a sudden they’ve reached
puberty, they believe that they like women. Actually, you’re just horny. It doesn’t mean you like women any
more at twenty-one than you did at ten.
George William Curtis
Mine is the horny hand of toil.
John Singer Sargent
If our history can challenge the next wave of musicians to keep moving and changing, to keep spiritually
hungry and horny, that’s what it’s all about.
Carlos Santana
I’m so horny the crack of dawn better watch out.
Tom Waits
I’ve seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.
Johnny Bench
I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.
Gilda Radner
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich.
Rahul Gupta Not yet.. kya yaar gharwalo ne shaadi karwa di to kya doston ko invite karne se bhi mana kiya
tha? Saale sab ke sab khud garz ho gaye ho apne barbadi ke din hum logo ko thoda mazaa to lene dete.. ;P
aapne bhikari kaha mujhko , mera ghar dekha hai aapne, pura shivaji park, aap kharid sakti hai itna property?
😀
ladkio ko chote chote kapde pahana chaiye : ) they look comfortable and good in that : )
put foreign heroines pic on facebook : )
shaadi kisliye karna hai, sirf bacche paida karne ke liye? —a young girl ask her parents in big switch in
bindaas tv.
fake it untill u make it !
slumdog millionaire song : tu mere saath dance karegi : ting ring ringa : )
chini kum hai chini kum hai song : )
aajkal ladkiya rumaal uthati hai aur pahan leti hai : D
i luv to take morning walk and evening walk : )
i may visit for 1-3days in people’s home as i live alone. and i may live as santa claus : ) bringing gifts and
icecreams for them , i may share my joy : )
bhagat sing of bobby deol one sweet song….
comment on face book Pic: sundari : )
sundari hamare paas aao 😀
Love is drugs : )
i luv rekha and indira verma of ks : )
fb status : when man talks dirty, its wrong and when women talks dirty its 4$/min 😀
u can always go for honeymoon with ur gfs , for that u dont need marriage 😀
tumahara ishq ishq aur hamara ishq sex—-dialogue of arshad varsi frm ishquiya muvi : )
u r a good and intelligent fellow , par tum galat line (shaadi line) mein kaise chala gaya? 😀
to err is human so 90% of the people err (marry)but d superhumans dont err , they r smart enough to learn frm
other’s err.: D….and getting married is not an achievement , 90 % of the fools marry 😀
i know only one thing that i know nothing—socrates
i wanna become a divorce lawyer, for that i need to study law like mamta banerjee. in india divorce rate is just
1% which will sure grow to 50% atleast as in usa.
aap gaand hilake uske andar chod dete hai aur hum haath se hila ke bahar chood dete hai, uske baad aap bhi
mara hua so jaate hai aur mein bhi : D
2011 mein u r taliking as if u r in 1011 or may be u r 3000 years back man of mohenjodaro (murdo ka tilla : )
i donated 20 k somewhere , so i could easily buy good clothes etc for 20 k, but i am happy as i am : )
i asked shyam that he may even do a job of 4k per month and nobody would dare to say anything to him, he
may enjoy his life freely : )
sishe se sisha takrae jo bhi anjam song frm muvi devdas and the whole muvi and songs of devdas : )
my beloved dutch pimp husband 😀
Do you know the difference between a pun and a fart?
A pun is a sudden shift of wit!
Sorry recharge khatam ho gaya. Galfriend ko I luv u bolna hai or recharge khatam. Ab kya kare? Mein batata
hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro or g/f k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao I Luv U.
Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 RS mein.
I just bought a used car. It’s a convertible. You turn the key, and it converts into a piece of crap. -Scott E.
Roeben
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke
bolegi.
Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do
Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?
Salman Khan is coming
Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai.
Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai
Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se, dilnasheenon se, jaaasheenon se… par inhe kaun
bachaye hum kameenon se…
Teri Maa Di,
Tere Peo Di,
Teri Behan Di,
Tere Bhra Di,
Teri Bhabi Di,
Tere Pure Khandan Di,
Te Meri v Tu Jaan Hai
A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat & Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit…
Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat
The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie ‘Heart is umbrella’. Which movie did he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai…….
Q: What’s the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!
How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!
Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV
chahe 14″ ka ho ya 29″ ka remote 6″ ka hi hota hai.
What’s the difference between wife n neighbours wife?
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour’s wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.
Ki kariye lokan da, har gal nu lok jhamela kehnde ne,
Je sms na kariye ta kanjoos, te je kariye ta Vehla kehnde ne!
There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.
Can’t believe after all the shit they have been through they’re still together…………Who?
Your bum cheeks!!
Namashkar, yeh hamari faltoo SMS seva hai, is mein hum logon ko waqt-bewaqt tang karte hain. Is seva ka
labh uthane ke liye shukriya, ab aap apna kaam kariye.
Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always
incomplete without boys.
In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.
Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain
Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein
Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.
God made Pepsi, God made whisky, God made me so sexy, God made rivers, God made lakes and God
made you… well everybody makes mistakes.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds…… Open ur eyes ! Now you will realize that u have
wasted 10 seconds in thinking of a fool.
Geeta Sar: SMS kar aur bhool ja, reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi jaata, Sabko
apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!
Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left.
Mom: Andy, where r u off to now?
Son: I`m gonna join the army.
Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.
Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.
If u want the latest MERCEDES BENZ on easy installments of 10 yrs without any down payment…….log onto
our website: www.kutteapniaukatmeinrah.com.
I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those three sweet words to
you….Pay The Bill.
May the fleas of thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms
be too short to scratch.
Tum sada haste raho, sada muskurate raho, khush raho, gun-gunate raho, hamesha mast raho. Mera kya hai,
log tumhe hi PAGAL kahenge!
Geeta Ka Saar: SMS woh gyaan hai jo baantne se badta hai, isiliye he praani tu bill ka moh tyag de aur SMS
kar, isi se tera manushaya janm safal hoga.
My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I’ll be successful and if I don’t reach my goal, I’ll still be
successful.
When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now,
keep guessing why I sent it to u.
Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal sohne sunakhe
Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.
A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my belt.
Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.
Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.
This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn’t expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn’t
even tell me?
Animal Planet!
Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a
shortcut… just think about ME!
Sometimes when u cry, no 1 sees ur tears. Sometimes when u r worried, no 1 sees ur pain. Sometimes when
u r happy, no 1 sees ur smile. But fart just once…
Look at the ocean & see God’s abundance! Look at the sky & see God’s glory! Look at the moon & see God’s
wonder! Look at the mirror & see God’s Blunder!
Osama to Big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?
Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.
Can’t believe that after all the shit that’s happened between them, they are still together.
Who?
Ur bums.
A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.
Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come
quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that’s where you get your shitty ideas
from!
Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!
Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.
on channel v on a programme a girl named sanya openly said she is a bisexual, i like her attitude : )
there are national/international sex line for talking dirty with gals/guys 😀
i have phone sex with girls and i hav good orgasm/masturbation 😀
if u dont act naughty while u r young , u wont hav anything to smile abt when u r older… 😀
“Fucking ignore the system, use it when it suits you.”
“Fighting for peace is like fucking for chastity”
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not
only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
Richard Bach
You have to also provide a video for it, look a certain way and big hair… If you’re a woman it’s even more
strange with fake fingernails and corsets and all this stuff that was big in the 80s.
Ann Wilson
You got nothing to lose. You don’t lose when you lose fake friends.
Joan Jett
You can’t pretend to be a Sharon Stone or a Marilyn Monroe. You really can’t fake that.
Claire Bloom
You can’t find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
Carrie Fisher
You can’t fake this music. You might be a great singer or a great musician but, in the need, that’s got nothing
to do with it. It’s how you connect to the songs and to the history behind them.
Etta James
You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
William S. Burroughs
You can’t fake listening. It shows.
Raquel Welch
You can’t fake it when you’re alone with God, you know.
Jim Bakker
You can’t fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.
Doug Coupland
You can fake your age or mask it, but the passion that moves the characters has to be real.
Victoria Abril
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Sharon Stone
When I was 13 I had a fake Id that said that I was 19. I was getting in all the clubs.
Kurtis Blow
When I first started the show, I was known as the ‘cop nerd.’ I was in the 9th Precinct in the East Village every
day. I’d be at work wearing a fake bulletproof vest with foam in it, then I’d leave and put on a real one to ride
around with these guys.
Jason Wiles
Well, you know, I have always had an issue with the whole weight thing with people in general because I
happen to love how big women look. I mean, it’s all a perspective. It’s all an opinion, and I think sort of the
Rubenesque, voluptuous body is a lot sexier than the boney bag of bones with fake everything.
Debi Mazar
Well, you know what they say in Hollywood – the most important thing is being sincere, even if you have to
fake it.
Cesar Romero
We all agree that manufacturers have a right to ensure that fake goods are not marketed in their names and
that their own goods are not marketed under fake names.
John Conyers
To fake it is to stand guard over emptiness.
Arthur Herzog
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx
The rarest of all things in American life is charm. We spend billions every year manufacturing fake charm that
goes under the heading of public relations. Without it, America would be grim indeed.
Anita Loos
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour – ha ha ha
ha ha – they’ll take you away, man. You can’t.
Lenny Bruce
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
George Burns
The hair is real – it’s the head that’s a fake.
Steve Allen
The eating of burning brimstone is an entirely fake performance.
Harry Houdini
Sugar Ray and talked about doing some articles together or writing a book together but dealing with Sugar
Ray was a lot like fighting him. He would fake you in and then he’d drop you.
Dick Schaap
So for me having that element of being able to be competitive wasn’t a problem. I’m very competitive. I thought
if I could skate first, acting would come second. I could say my lines and then go do what I was saying. You
don’t have to fake it, you’re not really acting.
John Robinson
Sincerity: if you can fake it, you’ve got it made.
Daniel Schorr
Santa was a fake.
Stephen Lawrence
Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit
and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles.
Beverly Jones
Robert Frost had always said you mustn’t think of the last line first, or it’s only a fake poem, not a real one. I’m
inclined to agree.
Howard Nemerov
One thing I hate in movies is when the camera starts circling around the characters. I find that totally fake.
Takeshi Kitano
One of the reasons I love to jump back and forth between mediums is that film does allow me to be more
literal. I can go to the real place. I can go to the Coliseum, and I don’t have to fake it.
Julie Taymor
One of the great things about being recognized is that you receive this feedback from people. It is easy to see
how sincere people are. It’s nothing fake or jive. They’re giving sincere appreciation. And it’s not that easy to
express.
John Astin
Nothing is so easy to fake as the inner vision.
Robertson Davies
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I
don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
My fake Japanese was smooth enough to earn me the title of ‘The Emperor of Pleasing Graciousness’ in that
country.
Wolfman Jack
Most important to any fake story is a plausible, realistic edge with a satirical twist that is topical.
Joey Skaggs
It’s my body. And I like my body. And I like my breasts. And no, they’re not fake.
Lindsay Lohan
It’s kind of beating a dead horse if you’re talking about going out and saying wrestling’s fake, or this or that.
People don’t want to hear that. They want to hear, they wanted to find an inside story.
Owen Hart
It’s better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody.
Matt Damon
It’ll be nice not to have to use my fake IDs anymore.
Phil Mickelson
It worried me when Britney snogged Madonna. It looked a bit fake. It screamed ‘We’re in this for the money.
Simon Le Bon
It is Hillary’s lot in life not to be able to fake it well.
Rich Lowry
It is a very honest world, our work. I think you cannot fake anything.
Luciano Pavarotti
If you haven’t got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking!
Victoria Beckham
If the price is very cheap then it’s almost certainly a fake.
David Russell
If it’s something that reaches out and grabs me, I want to do it. I have a lot of trouble doing things that don’t
grab me. So, I’m not a very good actor in that way. I can’t fake it.
Clancy Brown
If I didn’t have fake nails, my fingers would be bloody stumps.
Nikki Cox
I’m only 24 so I like to think I’m still close enough to 17 to still remember what it was like. Besides, I could just
fake it and get away with it… it’s not like there are any teenagers that still read comics.
Robert Kirkman
I’m not a film star, I am an actress. Being a film star is such a false life, lived for fake values and for publicity.
Vivien Leigh
I’m foremost an actor. I feel embarrassed being compared to the guys who really work at it. I fake it, I make
believe I know all about it, which is what you’re supposed to do as an actor.
Lloyd Bridges
I’m disappointed in acting as a craft. I want everything to go back to Orson Welles and fake noses and
changing your voice. It’s become so much about personality.
Spencer Tracy
I’ll never try to put on a fake image. I’m just Zac.
Zac Efron
I wrote about people who liked fake fireplaces in their parlor, who thought a brass horse with a clock
embedded in its flank was wonderful.
Betty Smith
I would say 95% of the time, because you just can’t remember your lines if you’re drinking alcohol. I would say
about 95% of the time it was grape juice or this fake wine, which was horrible.
Thomas Haden Church
I was something of a prankster. One time I put a ski mask on my head and used a fake gun on the school
secretary so that I could get some of my friends out of detention.
Luke Perry
I use fake tan myself with a self tanning spray.
Lisa Snowdon
I never want to fake it. That’s my whole thing.
Peabo Bryson
I mean, the people who run Guantanamo, the military, pretty much dismiss complaints by the detainees
because they say that they’re all created as part of a political process to sort of fake complaints and get public
support.
Jane Mayer
I just don’t want to end up on something that bores the hell out of me. Otherwise, I’ll fake a knee injury and get
out of there.
Sasha Alexander
I don’t want to imitate life in movies; I want to represent it. And in that representation, you use the colors you
feel, and sometimes they are fake colors. But always it’s to show one emotion.
Pedro Almodovar
I couldn’t believe they were saying I put a horrible fake plastic bosom over scars I was trying to heal and keep
it in place with a tight bra, which could stop my blood flow, just so I could fit into my clothes.
Koo Stark
I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don’t get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus
Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn’t, somebody else would have and we’d
still be here. Big deal.
John Waters
Hippies are so phoney and fake.
George Harrison
Fake relationships and fake people coming up to me and all of a sudden wanting to be my friend.
Jason Ritter
Fake it until you make it.
Steven Tyler
Fake is as old as the Eden tree.
Orson Welles
Don’t we all just really try to fake it well?
Yancy Butler
But from the time I was very little, it was something I would do all the time, just sing, dance and act. So it
wasn’t something that was fake or contrived as I got older.
Jennifer Lopez
Because I hate fake people and I always think I’m never fake.
Victoria Jackson
Anything that consoles is fake.
Iris Murdoch
After all, it is hard to master both life and work equally well. So if you are bound to fake one of them, it had
better be life.
Joseph Brodsky
Actually I am very glad that people can buy Armani – even if it’s a fake. I like the fact that I’m so popular around
the world.
Giorgio Armani
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
George Burns
The fact is that young people are going to have sex whether you like it or not.
Emma Thompson
I don’t consider myself a sex symbol.
Pia Zadora
He who will be just, must be forc’d to acknowledge, that neither Sex are always in the right.
Mary Astell
How can a Man respect his Wife when he has a contemptible Opinion of her and her Sex?
Mary Astell
I would rather have a cup of tea than sex.
Boy George
I started going to Madame Louise’s, the lesbian club where all the punk bands used to go – the Sex Pistols,
the Clash. I remember seeing Billy Idol walk in there; he was gorgeous.
Boy George
I just sort of wish people would dance differently. It reminds me of teenage sex.
Laurie Anderson
I was asked to be in Vogue but I said no. I didn’t want to advertise make-up. I didn’t want to be seen as a sex
symbol.
Francesca Annis
Nothing is either all masculine or all feminine except having sex.
Marlo Thomas
People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it.
Steve Carell
Just because society, and government, and whatever was different 100 years ago, doesn’t mean that people
didn’t have sex, pick their nose, or swear.
Kate Winslet
I don’t think Roger Dodger is really about men. I think it is more about relationships and about how you present
yourself, not only to the opposite sex, but to yourself. What lies are you going to tell yourself in order to get
through the day?
Jennifer Beals
My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson
I think there were early critics who wanted us to change the world because the Sex Pistols failed.
Michael Stipe
When evangelical leaders can persuade the president to be concerned about what’s happening in Sudan, or
sex trafficking around the world, or HIV-AIDS, that’s a very good thing. I am completely supportive of that.
Jim Wallis
Mick Jagger, his face was very new. It became a sex symbol.
Isaac Mizrahi
Sex appeal is the keynote of our civilization.
Henri Bergson
The thing about drugs and sex is that you lose all your inhibitions. I’ve had sex in trains, planes, wine bars…
and quite a few car parks!
Robbie Williams
I’m a bit of a slag… Some people don’t think it’s very nice, but I don’t care… I’ve got hormones, and sex is
there, so why not? Sex is good. Everybody does it, and everybody should!
Robbie Williams
If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.
Kate Beckinsale
If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have
avoided a lot of sex!
Kate Beckinsale
I really get inspired by songs. Like, if I hear a thug “Want to kill ya” song, I’m ready to go out and get crazy.
Or if you hear this really sexual, sensual slow song, I want to go have sex. I’m very animalistic when it comes
to stuff like that. Very basic emotions.
Channing Tatum
The Rubicons which women must cross, the sex barriers which they must breach, are ultimately those that
exist in their own minds.
Freda Adler
Music, not sex, got me aroused.
Marvin Gaye
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have
sex with the authorities.
Matt Groening
When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not
have sex with the authorities.
Matt Groening
When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
Tom Lehrer
Great sex is wonderful while it’s happening, but who remembers great sex they had in 1983?
Bob Seger
Celibacy is not just a matter of not having sex. It is a way of admiring a person for their humanity, maybe even
for their beauty.
Timothy Radcliffe
The Americans have always been food, sex, and spirit revivalists.
Edward Dahlberg
And, of course, they’ve always condemned dancing. You know, you might touch a member of the opposite
sex. And you might get excited and you might do something natural.
Frank McCourt
I had now made about 45 pictures, but what had I become? I knew all too well: a phallic symbol. All over the
world I was, as a name and personality, equated with sex.
Errol Flynn
So I think we’re kind of an alternate choice for people who have had it with sex and violence.
Dick Van Dyke
I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on earth – certainly greater than sex,
although sex isn’t too bad either.
Harold Pinter
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
John Barrymore
Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.
Alec Baldwin
The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the
pattern of all the process of our life.
Henry Ellis
Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.
Henry Ellis
Hitting is better than sex.
Reggie Jackson
As a culture I see us as presently deprived of subtleties. The music is loud, the anger is elevated, sex seems
lacking in sweetness and privacy.
Shelley Berman
As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed
tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes
from defect in the active power.
Thomas Aquinas
All the songs we do are basically about one of three things: booze, sex or rock n roll.
Bon Scott
Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid, when it was a mystery.
David Duchovny
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.
Cary Grant
Sex and drugs were simply not discussed in our culture at that time.
Gloria Estefan
Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don’t come into the world.
Karl Kraus
I don’t want to be known as a sex symbol. There’s a great stigma that goes with that tag. I want to be a Sam
Elliott.
Sam Elliott
When one is required to preside over the Church, and be entrusted with the care of so many souls, the whole
female sex must retire before the magnitude of the task, and the majority of men also.
John Chrysostom
I’m not a sex symbol.
Jenny McCarthy
I’m being treated like a sex object, cried the lady. No matter. I will take care of it, said Time soothingly.
Mason Cooley
Amazing that the human race has taken enough time out from thinking about food or sex to create the arts
and sciences.
Mason Cooley
The truth is, sex doesn’t mean that much to me now.
Lana Turner
Being a sex symbol was rather like being a convict.
Raquel Welch
After I saw Kiss on stage, I wanted my show to look like the fourth of July. The persona of Rick James was
wild and crazy, sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Rick James
You can’t have rock and roll without drugs, you can’t have rock and roll without sex.
Rick James
When we went to cover it I thought we would change it to a song of loving and longing instead of the sex
machine song Kylie turned it into. I’ve met Kylie and told her we were covering her song and she was pleased.
Wayne Coyne
The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex.
Hugh Hefner
I am not a sexy woman, I’m not beautiful, I’m not a sex kitten, I don’t flirt with people, yet I’ve been tagged
more of sex symbol than women who truly are and I that’s solely because I don’t reveal too much: people are
curious.
Shirley Manson
You know, music is sex. It’s a sensual driving mode that affects people if it’s played a certain way.
Dick Dale
I enjoyed sex and indulged in it when I fancied the men.
Christine Keeler
They wanted to hear about the sex, of course. But not the rest; no one wanted to hear the rest.
Christine Keeler
I won’t say I didn’t like it at the time, the sex, that is, because I wouldn’t have let him do it at all if that had
been the case.
Christine Keeler
There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there’s bad cooking or bad art or bad sex, you have bad
religion too.
Karen Armstrong
The love of one’s own sex is precious, for it is neither provoked by vanity nor retained by flattery; it is genuine
and sincere.
Maria Mitchell
I love to write. I love it. I mean there’s nothin in the world I like better, and that includes sex, probably because
I’m so very bad at it.
Joss Whedon
Beyond the beauty, the sex, the titillation, the surface, there is a human being. And that has to emerge.
Jeanne Moreau
If some really acute observer made as much of egotism as Freud has made of sex, people would forget a good
deal about sex and find the explanation for everything in egotism.
Wallace Stevens
At the time I came along, Hollywood’s idea of teen movies meant there had to be a lot of nudity, usually
involving boys in pursuit of sex, and pretty gross overall. Either that or a horror movie. And the last thing
Hollywood wanted in their teen movies was teenagers!
John Hughes
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
Alfred Kinsey
What do I know about sex? I’m a married man.
Tom Clancy
Not many people know what their parents sound like having sex. It was noisy.
Moon Unit Zappa
A Kiss concert experience is like sex or anything else that’s done with more that one person. It’s the give and
take that makes it so great. When the audience takes it to the next level, we can kick it up another notch.
Paul Stanley
Sex is funny and love is serious.
Stephan Jenkins
I refuse the compliment that I think like a man, thought has no sex, one either thinks or one does not.
Clare Boothe Luce
If I wrote a play with four characters every single one of them would talk like me regardless of age or sex.
Norman MacCaig
My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position
where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. ‘Sex and the City’ changed
everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people.
Lindsay Lohan
Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
Lewis Grizzard
A geometry implies the heterogeneity of locus, namely that there is a locus of the Other. Regarding this locus
of the Other, of one sex as Other, as absolute Other, what does the most recent development in topology
allow us to posit?
Jacques Lacan
I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.
Steven Seagal
Sex is hardly ever just about sex.
Shirley MacLaine
Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are
solved.
Peter Ustinov
There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.
Billy Joel
I’m a secretive bastard. I would never let anybody watch me painting… it would be like somebody watching you
have sex – painting is that personal to me.
Andrew Wyeth
That means that every human being – without distinction of sex, age, race, skin color, language, religion,
political view, or national or social origin – possesses an inalienable and untouchable dignity.
Hans Kung
The best sex I have ever had was with my vibrator.
Eva Longoria
I trained to be a priest – started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when
they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
Johnny Vegas
I only have two rules for my newly born daughter: she will dress well and never have sex.
John Malkovich
I couldn’t care less about sex unless I meet someone who I think is wonderful.
Kirstie Alley
Every theory of love, from Plato down, teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in
himself.
G. Stanley Hall
I am still shocking people today, and I don’t know why. Is it because I’m a woman talking about sex and men?
One magazine said that no one writes sex in the back of a Bentley better than Jackie Collins.
Jackie Collins
But for Muslims, everything that they don’t have on earth is what they get in heaven. They can drink, they can
have sex. All of the forbidden pleasures on earth, you can have in paradise.
Barbara Walters
I’m also interested in the modern suggestion that you can have a combination of love and sex in a marriage –
which no previous society has ever believed.
Alain de Botton
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
George Jean Nathan
What laughter is to childhood, sex is to adolescence.
Martha Beck
This is the way I look at sex scenes: I have basically been doing them for a living for years. Trying to seduce
an audience is the basis of rock ‘n roll, and if I may say so, I’m pretty good at it.
Jon Bon Jovi
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
I also use women as a sex object; maybe I’m kinky. However, I like to talk to them as well.
Oliver Reed
I hate the whole reluctant sex-symbol thing. It’s such bull. You see these dudes greased up, in their
underwear, talking about how they don’t want to be a sex symbol.
Ben Affleck
What’s the difference between sex and love? I have four wives and five kids. I apparently don’t know the
difference.
James Caan
Where I live, nobody who’s fourteen is having sex and doing major drugs. And I think if you see it in the
movies, you may be influenced by it. I think it’s so important to preserve your innocence.
Natalie Portman
I don’t even like watching sex scenes in movies. I have a slight prudish side to me.
Portia de Rossi
In high school I had sex with girls quite a few times. They were straight women who I convinced to jump in the
sack with me.
Portia de Rossi
When I have sex with someone I forget who I am. For a minute I even forget I’m human. It’s the same thing
when I’m behind a camera. I forget I exist.
Robert Mapplethorpe
I am an artist, art has no color and no sex.
Whoopi Goldberg
I’d have a sex scene with Whoopi Goldberg or Star Jones.
Method Man
This movie will actually increase the sex life of parents everywhere because they can put this on, with the 45
minutes of extras and they’ve got almost two hours to do whatever they’ve got to do while the kids watch the
movie.
Dana Carvey
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Drew Carey
Sex is a big question mark. It is something people will talk about forever.
Catherine Deneuve
Sex is a two-way treat.
Franklin P. Jones
There’s no religion but sex and music.
Sting
Women who love women are Lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define
Lesbian as sex between women.
Rita Mae Brown
Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
Lord Chesterfield
But the point of using the number was to show that sex was a great part of my life as basketball was a great
part of my life. That’s the reason why I was single.
Wilt Chamberlain
Writers can write outside their ethnicity or sex depending how open and vulnerable they wish to be.
Jim Harrison
I’m not selling sex. I’m selling underwear and jeans, and I’m not trying to do it with pornography.
Calvin Klein
When people talk about the ’60s I never think that was me there. It was me and I was in it, but I was never
enamoured with all that. It’s supposed to be sex and drugs and rock and roll and I’m not really like that. I’ve
never really seen the Rolling Stones as anything.
Charlie Watts
No sex, age, or condition is above or below the absolute necessity of modesty; but without it one vastly
beneath the rank of man.
Bruce Barton
For male and female alike, the bodies of the other sex are messages signaling what we must do, they are
glowing signifiers of our own necessities.
John Updike
Sex is like money; only too much is enough.
John Updike
In my songs, the sex is all subliminal. It’s subliminal, spiritual.
Ziggy Marley
When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don’t just mean sex, I married him.
Hedy Lamarr
Don’t marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you.
William Glasser
Sex is on the minds of most people, especially those who shouldn’t be having it.
William Glasser
There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex,
they should draw the line at goats.
Elton John
There is one universal sex law: Sex shall not be unregulated.
Robert Anton Wilson
Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society.
Malcolm Muggeridge
The real story is that I had unprotected sex. That’s that. That’s easy.
Magic Johnson
I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.
Joe Rogan
My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don’t have sex – ever. Now that the milk is free, we’ve both
become lactose intolerant.
Margaret Cho
It’s not an anti-sex trip. Like, we’re taking sex, which is probably another half of American entertainment, sex
and violence, and we’re projecting it, and we’re saying this is the way everything is right now.
Alice Cooper
They’re reacting and that’s wonderful. It’s better than them sitting there doing nothing. I say make them react –
do whatever’s in your power to move the audience, and if that’s where it is, and there where it is with America,
sex and violence, then I say project it.
Alice Cooper
Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.
Mignon McLaughlin
I felt guilty throughout the whole time, but I was seduced. The power of these drugs, sex, power, and money,
was extremely strong for me.
John Perkins
When the National Security Agency recruited me, they put me through a day of lie detector tests. They found
out all my weaknesses and immediately seduced me. They used the strongest drugs in our culture, sex,
power and money, to win me over.
John Perkins
Sex and older women used to be considered an oxymoron, rarely mentioned in the same breath.
Gail Sheehy
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
Quentin Crisp
For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.
Quentin Crisp
One of the problems with sex education… is that it also strips kids – especially girls – of their modesty to have
every detail of anatomy, physiology and condom usage made explicit.
James Dobson
A king is always a king – and a woman always a woman: his authority and her sex ever stand between them
and rational converse.
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
I haven’t had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.
Lil’ Kim
Seduction is always more singular and sublime than sex and it commands the higher price.
Jean Baudrillard
I prefer love over sex.
Enrique Iglesias
What pornography is really about, ultimately, isn’t sex but death.
Susan Sontag
AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide. Or murder.
Susan Sontag
It’d be like what would happen if Hollywood took over porno: ‘If we keep their clothes on and they didn’t have
sex, we’d be able to sell it to a lot more people’.
Rob Zombie
I have been celibate for about six or seven months, I think. I would rather just make out and kiss someone
instead of sex. I’m single. I said I would be single for a year and I am. Paris Hilton
Sex is a part of love. You shouldn’t go around doing it unless you are in love.
Bettie Page
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how
bad it is.
Barbara Bush
I stay way from that area, and there’s only so many songs you can write about love, sex and death.
Peter Steele
Like sex in Victorian England, the reality of Big Business today is our big dirty secret.
Ralph Nader
It’s possible to take that as a personal metaphor and then multiply it to a people, a race, a sex, a time. If we
can keep this thing going long enough, if we can survive and teach what we know, we’ll make it.
Audre Lorde
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of
thing.
W. Somerset Maugham
I don’t know what it means to be a sex symbol. When I look myself on a magazine cover I don’t see it as me,
but as someone painted, fluffed, puffed and done up.
Jennifer Aniston
I write about sex, not love. What do I know about love?
Sarah Jessica Parker
There’s a subterranean impetus towards pornography so powerful that half the business world is juiced by the
sort of half sex that one finds in advertisements.
Norman Mailer
There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.
Norman Mailer
I’ve talked about sex a great deal in my music for a great while now. I feel very comfortable with it.
Janet Jackson
I think it’s been a little difficult at times for the audience, because they’ve told me they see me as a family
member. So to see your little sister sing about sex… I think they are pretty used to it now.
Janet Jackson
What will happen to sex after liberation? Frankly, I don’t know. It is a great mystery to all of us.
Nora Ephron
In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.
Nora Ephron
If we only said safe sex, use a condom, we won’t stop the spread of AIDS in this country.
Thabo Mbeki
Once you see your nature, sex is basically immaterial.
Bodhidharma
My son has followed fashion since he was a punk. He and I agree that fashion is about sex.
Vivienne Westwood
I have often said that I wish I had invented blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most
relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity – all I hope for in my clothes.
Yves Saint Laurent
Wherever there is a human being, I see God-given rights inherent in that being, whatever may be the sex or
complexion.
William Lloyd Garrison
I have certain moral parameters that I do not cross in writing; I don’t write about adultery or kids having
premarital sex.
Nicholas Sparks
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
Camille Paglia
You have to accept the fact that part of the sizzle of sex comes from the danger of sex. You can be
overpowered.
Camille Paglia
Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove that they are worthy of woman’s
attention.
Camille Paglia
If you live in rock and roll, as I do, you see the reality of sex, of male lust and women being aroused by male
lust. It attracts women. It doesn’t repel them.
Camille Paglia
It is not in giving life but in risking life that man is raised above the animal; that is why superiority has been
accorded in humanity not to the sex that brings forth but to that which kills.
Simone de Beauvoir
Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose
the magic of caresses, the spell is broken.
Simone de Beauvoir
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Brendan Behan
Fifty percent of life in the N.B.A. is sex. The other fifty percent is money.
Dennis Rodman
If you’re going to have sex, use a condom.
Dennis Rodman
Literature – creative literature – unconcerned with sex, is inconceivable.
Gertrude Stein
Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate
thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.
Drew Barrymore
Friends are generally of the same sex, for when men and women agree, it is only in the conclusions; their
reasons are always different.
George Santayana
A woman never forgets her sex. She would rather talk with a man than an angel, any day.
Washington Irving
I suspect that some apparently homosexual people are really heterosexuals who deeply phobic about the
opposite sex or have other emotional problems.
Marilyn vos Savant
Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.
Linus Torvalds
According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for
hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.
Jay Leno
I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex
symbol, but a mother image.
David Bowie
The lover of life makes the whole world into his family, just as the lover of the fair sex creates his from all the
lovely women he has found, from those that could be found, and those who are impossible to find.
Charles Baudelaire
Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.
Gore Vidal
Sex is. There is nothing more to be done about it. Sex builds no roads, writes no novels and sex certainly
gives no meaning to anything in life but itself.
Gore Vidal
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Gore Vidal
I like to behave in an extremely normal, wholesome manner for the most part in my daily life. Even if mentally
I’m consumed with sick visions of violence, terror, sex and death.
Courtney Love
Not every religion has to have St. Augustine’s attitude to sex. Why even in our culture marriages are
celebrated in a church, everyone present knows what is going to happen that night, but that doesn’t prevent it
being a religious ceremony.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed
himself.
Johnny Carson
There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.
Mary Kay Ash
The test of one’s behavior pattern is their relationship to society, relationship to work and relationship to sex.
Alfred Adler
The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it.
Casey Stengel
Reading is like the sex act – done privately, and often in bed.
Daniel J. Boorstin
I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.
Britney Spears
Women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions which men think it manly to pay to the
sex, when, in fact, men are insultingly supporting their own superiority.
Mary Wollstonecraft
I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom
they were compulsively in love didn’t love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and
depression.
Albert Ellis
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus, that means guns, sex, lies, video tapes, but if I talk
about God my record won’t get played Huh?
Kanye West
There are few things that we so unwillingly give up, even in advanced age, as the supposition that we still have
the power of ingratiating ourselves with the fair sex.
Samuel Johnson
I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing
to overwhelm.
Ogden Nash
Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by
women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
Bertrand Russell
I believe in using words, not fists. I believe in my outrage knowing people are living in boxes on the street. I
believe in honesty. I believe in a good time. I believe in good food. I believe in sex.
Bertrand Russell
Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no
wind.
Elizabeth I
Yes, exercise is the catalyst. That’s what makes everything happen: your digestion, your elimination, your sex
life, your skin, hair, everything about you depends on circulation. And how do you increase circulation?
Jack LaLanne
In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it’s a fact.
Marlene Dietrich
It’s so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’
For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
You have to be born a sex symbol. You don’t become one. If you’re born with it, you’ll have it even when you’re
100 years old.
Sophia Loren
Sex is like washing your face – just something you do because you have to. Sex without love is absolutely
ridiculous. Sex follows love, it never precedes it.
Sophia Loren
Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.
Sophia Loren
I’ve never had to pretend to be having sex with somebody. I’m like the queen of the foreplay dissolve.
Julia Roberts
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Robert A. Heinlein
What most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and
having sex appeal.
Erich Fromm
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
“Sex” is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little
restraint or false modesty as the other.
Marquis de Sade
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
Bette Midler
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other
things if you did.
James A. Baldwin
I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex with Brian all the time than
leave the house. He doesn’t mind.
Megan Fox
I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That’s what our purpose is in this business. You’re
merchandised, you’re a product. You’re sold and it’s based on sex. But that’s okay. I think women should be
empowered by that, not degraded.
Megan Fox
I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women
sluts, which is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who’ve said, “You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!”.
That’s because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them.
Megan Fox
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Steve Martin
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
Steve Martin
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye
color, age and Social Security number.
Dave Barry
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
Jackie Kennedy
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Fran Lebowitz
An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.
Aldous Huxley
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!
George Bernard Shaw
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was
dirty.
George Burns
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns
If you insist upon fighting to protect me, or ‘our’ country, let it be understood soberly and rationally between us
that you are fighting to gratify a sex instinct which I cannot share; to procure benefits where I have not shared
and probably will not share.
Virginia Woolf
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I often think that a slightly exposed shoulder emerging from a long satin nightgown packs more sex than two
naked bodies in bed.
Bette Davis
Sex is God’s joke on human beings.
Bette Davis
Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the
opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful.
Margaret Mead
Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher
The fact is I am not having sex. But I feel absolutely ripe for the, what would you say? plucking?
Angelina Jolie
I am still of opinion that only two topics can be of the least interest to a serious and studious mood – sex and
the dead.
I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.
—-Angelina Jolie
There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can
convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn
good.
Dressing up is a bore. At a certain age, you decorate yourself to attract the opposite sex, and at a certain
age, I did that. But I’m past that age.
I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex.
One of the things being in politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasonable sex.
Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.
Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.
Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine
upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones
included.
I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a
woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my
kitchen table.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never
see each other!
I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.
Blake said that the body was the soul’s prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He
considered the senses the ‘windows of the soul.’ When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a
mystical experence.
Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and
bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.
I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.
Sex is emotion in motion.
Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.
A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing.
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles.
There is a time for all things – except marriage, my dear.
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.
The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in
public.
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only
to be admired in sheep.
The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wife’s spirits.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she
thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad
marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit
now and then.
Quarrels often arise in marriages when the bridal gifts are excessive.
Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.
Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.
Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.
On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on
close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable.
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one
mistake.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or
ruin our lives.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die
earlier.
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced “mirage”.
Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.
Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things that made life to me glorious – friendship and learning.
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person.
Marriage is an exercise in torture.
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Marriage is a financial contract; I have enough contracts already.
Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she’s a householder.
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
It isn’t tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it’s separating himself from
all the others.
It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar – a practice which is still continued.
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that
he’d be dead within a year.
Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
Daddy was real gentle with kids. That’s why I expected so much out of marriage, figuring that all men should
be steady and pleasant.
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the
right and to the left.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
Marriage is like a lifetime thrown into the fire with few mantras and a boxful of
dreams,career,friends,family,lifestyle all neatly packed and pushed under the bed.After she gets married,it is
generally expected that a woman will never again have an opinion.
Experts say,divorce rate has shot up as the social stigma associated with it in the middle class is fast
disappearing.In the absence of a joint-family set up,people dont even know what family and marriage values
are.
They dont know why they are getting married in first place, says Dr Kamal Khurana,a marriage and
relationship therapist.
if u hav seen sum1 fallen in a hole, atleast u should be careful of that hole.
bhagwan jisko mere liye banaya tha wo mar gayi. there4 i am a widow.
or the one i fell in love with is dead, now i cannot forget her and i dont want to replace her so i would better live
alone : )
mp with 16 yr old girl porn video clip.
bin tere kya hai jeena is a beautiful song on living in a live in relationship with a mental but good girl : )
Your life is what your thoughts make it.
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are
looking for the meaning of life.
Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and
smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and
could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
What we play is life.
We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give
each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy,
healing, and inclusion.
We can’t plan life. All we can do is be available for it.
Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do
not outlive yourself.
Unbeing dead isn’t being alive.
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.
There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.
There is no wealth but life.
The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.
The fear of life is the favorite disease of the 20th century.
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war
as an endless standing in line.
The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.
People living deeply have no fear of death.
Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life;
define yourself.
My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy
myself as best I can.
May you live every day of your life.
Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs,
you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think
noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.
Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round.
Life well spent is long.
Life must be lived as play.
Life loves the liver of it.
Life is wasted on the living.
Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
Life is much shorter than I imagined it to be.
Life is half spent before we know what it is.
Life is but thought.
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
It is not length of life, but depth of life.
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I
want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
I love life because what more is there.
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it
hard to plan the day.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.
Everything in life is luck.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.
You should do two things in the morning…Pray to God so you can live and have a shower so others can live.
A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes… No fun, send mon, your son!
Dad write back saying…so sad, too bad, your dad!
Look at the world around u; u’ll see God’s creativity. Look at the breakfast table; u’ll c God’s providence. Look
at the mirror u’ll c God’s sense of humor.
Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME
& nut like U.
Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A: A Moti-vaiting.
Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.
Think why u r so sweet,why u r so intelligent,why u r so lucky,why u r so blessed,why u r so beautiful..simple
muzse fship ki hai to thoda faida to hoga hi.
Mobile repair krne walay ko loose motion ho jaye to wo kaisey explain karega? Doctr sahab subah se missed
calls aa rahi hain,outgoing main taklif ho rhi ha.Subah se naye naye ringtone baj rahe hain. or pait main
balance nahin bach raha, jitna b recharge kro utna kharach ho rha hai
kya aap ko pata hai ki es duniya me ek dil sirf aapike liya dhadakta hai aur o dil kiska hai? aapika aur kiska.
Hi! Need one girl to marry… Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl’s father must have
his own bar…CHEERS
I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I
need to go to a Restroom?
Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones
at the bottom see only assholes above them.
Banta: How does an attorney sleep?
Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
What’s the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too
much.
Q: What kind of food does a race horse eat? A: Fast food
Despite the Old saying “Don’t Take Your Troubless & Worries To Bed” Most of the People still sleep with their
wives!!! WHAT A CRAZY WORLD, Good Night.
SITUATIONAL MESSAGE- ”Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die…” “Boley to……. Sab ko
top karna hai par padhna koi nahi chahta”.
U r d 1 whos so smart,U r d 1 whos so charming, U r the one whose so caring,U r the one whose so good
looking. And, I’m the one who is spreading these rumors.
Question-What is the difference between vaade and yaadein? Answer- Vaade- “Hum todte hai.” Yaadein-
“Hamein todti hai.”
Prayer of an ideal son: Dear God, thx 4 all d blesings u hv bestowed upon me. I wont ask anythin 4 myslf, plz
jst giv my parents a really hot daughter-in-law
Wats d diff btwn egyptian mummies & Indian mummies? A: Children r afraid of egyptian mummies & Fathers r
afraid of Indian mummies.
Nazar mili usse jab wo akeli thi , dosti hui to wo meri saheli thi, pyar hua to wo ek paheli thi, Shadi hui to pata
chala wo us area ki chameli thi.
If paper is vry tuf in an xam, just close ur eyes 4 a moment,take a deep breath n say “Dis is very intresting
subject, I want 2 study once more”
A BusinessMan ExpLaining The Reason For Having Two Wives….!@!–!@! MonoPoLy… Is ALways
Damaging… & Competition… ImProves Service…
Upcoming Horror Movies, Produced by NSE & BSE_ BAZAAR BANA SHAITAN… TADAPTI SECURITIES…
KHUNI BROKING HOUSE… INVESTOR KI MAUT
Padhai karo fail hone se mat daro, ladki chhedo SENDAL se mat daro,har ladki ko PRAPOS karo inkar se na
daro,GITA me likha he karm karo PHAL ki chinta mat karo.
Hum honge fully pass hum honge fully pass Hum honge fully PASS EK DIN Ho….Ho Likhte hai BAKWAS per
university pe hai VISHAWAS Vo karenge hum ko PASS ek din.
A Fantastic ad in the paper “Come Via_Agra”… and see man’s greatest erection for a woman…. . . “The Taj
Mahal”…!
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut!
in mera naam joker….raj kapoor was ditched by all her gfs…..and he died a joker 🙂
Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,while soap in ur eyes.Oh!sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.Its only 4
those who take bath everyday…
In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I
do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.
Its RAININ these days & m sure u must b vry happy. U mst b feelin lik go out, drench urself,sing songs,
splash watr & hav fun. Rite? EvRy Frog feels d same
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which anser the same purpose as a
husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes
home late at night.
Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven’t slept yet.
Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.
I am a killer, I kill people for money. But because you are my friend, I’ll kill you for nothing
Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and drink it without difficulties!
Be careful when a gal tells u that she loves u from the bottom of her heart. For this may mean that there is still
enough space for another boy on top!
Love is like programming; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE
If ur world is spinning round & round… ur heart is beating fast……. Do u think its LOVE ? na munna ,its
called………..?? high B.P……..!!!!
Shhhh. Dont go outside. Even dont talk loudly for the next one hour, please I am again warning you please and
dont be so loud .. The dog catching van is on duty!!!
The day you were born, God created BPL Believe in the Best, and the day I was born, God created Sansui
Better than the Best.
Old people used to annoy me at weddings, pinching my cheeks saying you are next. They stopped that when
I started doing the same to them at Funerals!!!
Door rehkar bhi dil ke paas lagte ho, nazron se door rehkar khaas lagte ho, har baar doosron ka bheja SMS
bhejkar khud ko smart samajhte ho!!!
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into
Wives
Hai tu agar mera dilbar, Hai tu agar mera dilbar, To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
When words fails, Eyes works. When eyes fails, heart works. When heart fails… To kya? Samajh le Tapak
gaya!
Patni=Suno ji, doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ke aaram ke liye kisi Hill station par jane ko kaha hai,hum kaha
jayenge? Pati=Dusre Dr. ke Paas..
A mobile is like women – Talks non-stop, costs a fortune, disturbs when u r busy and when u need them
urgently they have no service.
Whats the difference between Data and Information? 362436 – Data 36-24-36 Information! ..
A tactful wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband cant afford another woman. . .
Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA Phir likha: SHUBH LABH Phir
likhne lage: U R WELCOME Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
Luv and Kuch are going to a village & in between comes A well. Luv falls into the well. Why??? Because Luv
(love) is blind !!!!! Now , Kuch also jumps inside. Why?? Because Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
He made a local call Sardar wanted to make a std. call to punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he
do? Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.
CHINTU MINTU ZID KAR RAHE HAI KI MONKEY DEKHNA HAI, TUMHARE GHAR KA PATA DIYA HAI, 2-3
JUMP MAR KE DIKHA DENA, BACCHE KHUSH HO JAYENGE….
hi i want to talk with u can u call me now nothing special i need to hear u a voice because just test weather
can i under stand monkey lang
Chaand Ko Guroor Hai Ki, Uske Pass Noor Hai To Kya Hua, Mujhe Bhi Guroor Hai , Ki Mera Doast Langoor
Hai…Ha!Ha! Ha!!!!!
Tere gum me tarap ke mar jayenge,marte waqt bhi tere name le jayenge,god ko riswat de kar tumko vi uper
bulayenge or dono milkar kurkure khayenge.
when the blue, I remember U, when the moon full, I remember U, when rains starts, I remember U. Can U tell
me where my umbrella.
We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. “I do not understand. It is
proven statistically that at that age only few people die.”
What men want? A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & a
system to make sure that those women never meet each other.
Always keep a picture of your wife in your purse.Look at it when you are in trouble.You will feel that other
problems are not as big as this one!
Emotional Comedy:Dil ko pata tha wo jarur ayegi,dil ko pata tha wo jarur ayegi..par kabi socha na tha k
surprise me wo apna Husband 7 layegi
Every time I hold her hand, I feel like holding my cheek. She always slaps me on the face.
While walking down the street, I heard an old man say “I’ve been in love with the same woman for almost 50
years now.” I was touched until I heard him say “I wish she knew.”
sharab hai to mai-khane banee husan hai to dewane banee ap me bhe koi khaas baat hai tabhe to pagal
khane banee
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears…
PLEASE DON’T SEND ME CHEAP MESSAGES COS I AM FROM A RICH FAMILY. WE ARE IN THE IRON
AND STEEL BUSINESS, MY BROTHER IRONS AND I STEAL
Sun wouldn’t be red, Sea wouldn’t be blue, I wouldn’t be happy, Without disturbing u.
Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn’t have.
An optimist is a guy who thinks his wife doesn’t understand him.
reasons why I like u. -u r never boring. -u know how bring a smile on my face. -u r always on my side -u r
perfect -u r always fooled by me.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart.for this may mean that there is still
enough space for another girl on top.
I’ve written a poem for you: Twinkle twinkle little star, You should know what you are, And once you know what
you are, Mental hospital is not so far
Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain… Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain…
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, main so gaya Yeh dekho mera connection, time out ho gaya
Socha tha har mode pet era intezaar karenge. Par kambakht sadak hi sidhi nikli.
Tum kya jaano gum kya cheez hai, Tum kya jaano gum kya cheez hai, Are Tum kya jaano gum kya cheez
hai, Tumne to sari umar cellotape use ki hai
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge. Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge. Tere dar par sanam
hazaar baar aayenge. Ghanti bajayenge aur bhag jayenge.
Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof, poof, woof woof, hoof,
woof, roof, shoof. Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
1 day u’ll B srprisd 2C ME beside U. U & ME laughing, U & ME crying, U & ME dreaming, U & ME holding on,
U & ME… just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.
Tum ek ese “DON” ho jis ke pass her “TALE” ki “KEY” hi
es liye hum aap ko pyaar se “DONKEY” khate hi
Which Part…
of a man’s body
has no bone
full of veins
loves pumping
and responsible 4
making LOVE!
ANSWER:
HEART!!!
But i luv the way u think…
You know biggest irony of marriage is that, Woman expects man to change & they don’t & Man expects
woman not to change & they do!
phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahi hoti hai clear. Isliye sms karo
dear, without fear n very clear.
1960s Girl: Pehla pehla pyar hai, chhai bahar hae, aja more sajna tera intzar hy. 2004 Girl: dusra/teesra pyar
hai. dil bekrar hai, aja morey sajna varna chautha tayyar hai.
Manjil ki taraf badte chalo, jo dil kahe usi rah ko chuno… peechhe walo ko aage na jane do aur jo aage hai
usse aage niklo, tabhi 1 acche driver banoge…..
SMS ka sangrah karke kya paayega vats…? Balance ka moh tyag aur sms kar… Mitron se sampark banaye
rakhne se hi moksha ki prapti hogi… Swami Messageanand.
aap hamari galli mein aaye thore sharmaye thore ghabraye thore sa myskaraye phir zoor se chillaye Aalu
cholay masalay walay.
A Noble Award winner dedicated his Novel to his wife and wrote Its dedicated to my Wife because in her
absence I could complete this Book…
See the sky youll see Gods face, see the rain you will dance once again, see the moon you will see the depth
of lake. Now see the mirror and youll see the God cutest mistake.
EYES : To look at you HAND : To pray for you Mind : To remember you Heart : To love you AND AND AND
AND AND LEGS : To kick YOU.. If you forget me… !! GOT IT!!!
If U sneeze once, Think I’m remembering you. If you sneeze twice, Think I want to Meet U. If U sneeze thrice,
Think I’m Missing You. 4th Time, Fool Take A Tablet !
If i had gone 4 brain transplantation i have chosen ur brain b’coz i want 2 use the brain that is never used b4
Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another
girlfriend
It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also
imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!
I’ve been arrested for bein the ugliest person in usa, can u cum down the police station and show them it’s a
mistake?
Hi i am dying to c u, i want to talk to u seriously, but I cant get 2 u, dis stupid gatekeeper is asking me 4 a
ticket to enter the zoo!
Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!
woh bhi kya din the jab log aapko kiss kiya karte the par apki phooti kismat tab aap hugies main hua karte the
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain. Please tell them your age!
When hand stop.. lips work.. when lips stop…eyes work.. When eyes stop,heart works… when heart stop…
abe MAAMU TU TAPAK GAYA HAI
Duniya mein bewafai aam baat hai,Ab Sooraj ko hi dekh lo niklta Roshni ke saath hai,Rehta Kiran ke saath
hai,Aur jaata Sandhya ke saath hai….
All relationships are love/hate relationships. No relationship is of pure love, and no relationship is
of pure hate. It is both love and hate.
The mind always has the opposite within it, and that opposite goes into the unconscious and waits
for its moment to come up. If you observe minutely, you will feel it every moment. When you say to
someone, I love you, close your eyes, be meditative, and feel – is there any hatred hidden? You will
feel it. But because you want to deceive yourself, because the truth is so ugly – the truth that you
hate a person that you love – you don’t want to face it. You want to escape from real-ity, so you hide
it. But hiding won’t help, because it is not deceiving somebody else, it is deceiving yourself.
So whenever you feel something, just close the eyes and go into yourself to find the opposite
somewhere. It is there. And if you can see the opposite, that will give you a balance, then you
will not say, ”I love you.” If you are truthful you will say, ”My relationship with you is of love and hate.”
Nothing has to be changed, bcoz all is beautiful , that is enlightenment . All is as it should be . Everthing is
perfect—-Osho : )
amir khan’s dialogue in dhobi ghat muvi: i am not relationship type : )….and the heroine’s dialogue for arun
(amir khan) ….hamesha akela rehta hai wo.
if there is porn swamy…there is also porn tennis stars….porn muvi makers …..porn politicians ….and porn all
married people 😀
You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments
when you have done things in the spirit of love.
Who, being loved, is poor?
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
—Bertrand Russell
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not.
Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to
be the other, and both together make up one whole.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman giving all your love to just one man.
Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.
Love that is not madness is not love.
Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.
Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.
Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the
mutual dependence of the old.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
Love is the beauty of the soul.
—–Saint Augustine
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
Love is love’s reward.
Love is being stupid together.
Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.
Love conquers all.
Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’
If you want to be loved, be lovable.
Friendship is Love without his wings!
Can miles truly separate you from friends… If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there?
All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
With Jackson there was quiet solitude. Just to sit and look at the landscape. An inner quietness. After dinner,
to sit on the back porch and look at the light. No need for talking. For any kind of communication.
—Lee Krasner
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin,
usually in solitude.
Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.
When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its
business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign in solitude.
—–William Wordsworth
What one writer can make in the solitude of one room is something no power can easily destroy.
—-Salman Rushdie
We need society, and we need solitude also, as we need summer and winter, day and night, exercise and
rest.
Violent passions are formed in solitude. In the busy world no object has time to make a deep impression.
To go out with the setting sun on an empty beach is to truly embrace your solitude.
To give thanks in solitude is enough. Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows
much more about it than you do.
This great misfortune – to be incapable of solitude.
The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.
Solitude, though it may be silent as light, is like light, the mightiest of agencies; for solitude is essential to
man. All men come into this world alone and leave it alone.
Solitude would be ideal if you could pick the people to avoid.
Solitude sharpens awareness of small pleasures otherwise lost.
Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone.
Solitude is strength; to depend on the presence of the crowd is weakness. The man who needs a mob to nerve
him is much more alone than he imagines.
Solitude is pleasant. Loneliness is not.
Solitude is independence.
Solitude is fine, but you need someone to tell you that solitude is fine. –Honore de Balzac
Solitude is better than the society of evil persons.
Solitude has its own very strange beauty to it.
Solitude can be used well by very few people. They who do must have a knowledge of the world to see the
foolishness of it, and enough virtue to despise all the vanity.
Only in solitude do we find ourselves; and in finding ourselves, we find in ourselves all our brothers in solitude.
One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.
No matter how much we love our family and friends, a part of us needs the occasional moment of solitude as a
plant needs water. It is the inmost core of each of us that, that part which nobody can define but which we all
recognize because it never changes.
Mass communication, radio, and especially television, have attempted, not without success, to annihilate
every possibility of solitude and reflection.
Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.
Language… has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word
“solitude” to express the glory of being alone.
It’s an interesting combination: Having a great fear of being alone, and having a desperate need for solitude and
the solitary experience. That’s always been a tug of war for me.
In solitude, where we are least alone.
In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.
In my solitude, many miles from men and houses, I am in a childishly happy and carefree state of mind, which
you are incapable of understanding unless someone explains it to you
kitne ajeeb riste hai yaha pe song : )
In my solitude I have pondered much on the incomprehensible subjects of space, eternity, life and death.
Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude.
I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
Albert Einstein
I don’t mind solitude. I love talking to other people, but I do need my space.
There is no loneliness like that of a failed marriage.
If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.
God created man and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a companion to make him feel his solitude
more keenly.
Cultivate solitude and quiet and a few sincere friends, rather than mob merriment, noise and thousands of
nodding acquaintances.
But in the end, in the end one is alone. We are all of us alone. I mean I’m told these days we have to consider
ourselves as being in society… but in the end one knows one is alone, that one lives at the heart of a solitude.
u talk abt lonliness, i hav seen my grandmother alone in the room , with no one of her big family having enough
time to spend with her. She used to keep thinking something in her loneliness.
I belong to BACHELOR ANONYMOUS CLUB. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a
housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me 😀
agar shaadi karne se hi se hi sukh hota to kitna aasan tha sukhi hona, bas shaadi karlo aur sukhi hojao..tab
jesus christ, bhagwan itna lamba lamba updesh nahi dete meditation ka, kehte bas shaadi kar lo..haaha haha
😀 but no, its just the opposite , shadi karlo aur jaayda dukhi hojao. 90 % of the people are dukhi aur 90 % of
ther people are married, there seems to be some connection :D….if u want to be happy just do the opposite of
what the general people do : )
I LIKE U.. I REALLY LIKE U… I LIKE U VERY MUCH…, I REALLY LIKE U…, KYONKI GEETA MEIN LIKHA
HAI…, PAAP SE NAFRAT KARO PAAPI SE NAHI
Kitne din ho gaye kitne hafte gujar gaye baat mahino tak bhi chali gayi ab saal bhi ho jaega ab to kehna mano
chalo aise na karo jaldi se NAHA LO
Kabristhan ke cahaukidar ke kabar pe baite hue kutte ki gale ke pat mein chupe hue virus ki sar ke baal ke
andar ki bacteria ki kasam tusse!!! Great !!! ho!!!
ek din Tarzan Jangal me ja raha tha usne maraa huaa cheeta dekha or bola oh my God MY New under wear
Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls? Both don’t exist.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge
called for orderly testimony. “I’ll hear the oldest first,” he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you
see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Hey, I just got your blood test report. U have been tested HIV positive. Report reads person has high
percentage of Honey In Veins. No Wonder!
Forest king Virappan died last week. In his memory let us all switch off our mobiles for 2 mins. Plz forward this
to all local criminals, as I did
nsu aap ka Niklaa aur Aankhen maree hoo, Dil aap ka Dharkay aur Dharken maree hoo, Khuda kare Hamra
Payar Itnaa Gharaa hoo, JOB aap karaa aur INCOME maree hoo.
karo shri ganpati bapa ke darshan
papiyon ko nahin dikhte!
Paani Aane Ki Baat Karte Ho, Dil Jalane Ki Baat Karte Ho. 4 Din Se Muhe Nahi Doya, Tum Nahane Ki Baat
Karte Ho.
Give one english word for…… apne kiye pe pani pher dena …………..? ……….? ……? I I_____FLUSH -() –
)____( *************
Kash mere dardo ki tujhe aise saja mile, Kash mere dardo ki tujhe aesi saja mile, Tuje aayi ho bade jor se
SUSU, Aur kahi karne ki jaga na mile. **************
Pehle Dedar… Phir Yaar… Phir Ikraar… Phir Pyaar… Phir Intezar… Phir Takrar… Uske baad Sari Mehnat
Bekar… At Last aur Ek Devdas in the Beear Bar.
zindagi behal hai ,sur hai na tal hai,msg box bhi kangal hai,kya apke sms factory me hadtal hai, yar kuch bhi
bhejo, ye mere mobile ki zindagi ka sawal hai…
Darde dil me gam ki kaliya khilti hai, aab to tanhai aaksar hamse milti hai, aapne band kiya jabse SMS karna,
MOBILE ki battery jyada chalti hai!
A 20 yr old gal to tatoo artist: How much for an animal on my knee?
Artist: Rs 500 for Tiger, Rabbit or Lion but Giraffe is free.
NEW EXAM PATTERN IN INDIA..
GENERAL- Answer all questions
OBC- Answer any 1 question
SC- Only read d questions
ST- Thanx for cuming
GUJJARS- Thanx for allowing others to attend d exams..
Send msgs 2 me only at this times
MORNING:
6AM-12PM
AFTERNOON:
12PM-4PM
EVENING:
4PM-8PM
NIGHT:
8PM-6AM
Besides this timing I’ll be STUDYING.
So don’t disturb me
Be careful
Ghunghat nein tujhe dekha to deewana hua.Sangeet ka tarana hua,Shamaa ka parwana hua,Masti ka
Mastana hua,Jaise hi ghunghat uthaya is duniya se ravaana hua…
A TOWN PLANNER ASKED A TOWN DESIGNER,IN YOUR OPENION WHATS THE PROBLEM IN
DESIGNING OF A WOMAN TOWN DESIGNER: WELL, NOTHING MUCH, EXCEPT THAT ENTERTAINMENT
AREA IS TOO CLOSE TO SEWERAGE AREA
Hazarou phoolo mai, hamai ek phool bahuth kuhb laga es phool ku pane ke leya, hum ne dosti ka sath liya
dosto nai kaha, es phool ko panae ke liye, kato sai guzar na hoga hum nai kab kaha ke hum kata sai dhaar
tai agar kata se dhaar thai tu hum gulab ke phool ku na dhektha hum tu phir chamali ke aur dekhtai ..
When we had met, God gave me an option between a good friend & a good memory. I dont remember what i
chose…..
% % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % Kya Dekh rahe ho Machhar hai mar do…
U r ACENT of my life, ALTO of my dreams, IKON of my eyes ,Zen of my thoughts, INDICA of my joy, LANCER
of my heart…In simple ,u r the traffic jam of my heart…
I want a kiss from you
surprized??
but why??
aray baba
Kiss means
K> Koi
I> Intresting sa
S> sms
S> send karo
so please kiss me jaldi jaldi!
Interviewer : Tell Me the Opposite of Good?
Raju : Bad.
Interviewer : Come
Raju : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly
Raju : Pichlli.
Interviewer : Ugly
Raju ; Pichlli.
Interviewer : Shut Up
Raju : Keep Talking.
Interviewer : Get Out
Raju : Come In
Interviewer : Oh My God!
Raju Oh My Devil!
Interviewer : You are Rejected
Raju : I am Selected.
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
Panic is when both are pregnant.
if u want 2 b happy 4 a short time–GET DRUNK
if u want 2 b happy 4 a Long time–FALL IN LOVE
but if u want 2 b happy forever,Dont even think of dese two…
()”””()
( ‘ ,’ )
“”” hey u..!
Yes u…
The cute one
Holdin dis phone!
Jus wntd 2 say
I’m cuter dan u.!
Agar marwadi Ladkiya Papita Bechti To
Ladko Ka Bahut Fayda Hota.
Kyu Ki Ladkiyo
Ko
Ye Aawaz Lagani Padti..
Pappi To Le Lo..
Pappi To Le Lo..
Some Basic Rules
1. apni wife ki
har roz leni chahiye
-KHABAR
2.Uska pakad kar baar-baar
chumna chahiye
-HAATH
3.Uska bade aaram se dabana chahiye
-PAIR
4.Uski aage se hi nahi peeche se bhi karni chahiye
-TAARIF
5. Uske saamne aate hi Apna nikaal kar uske haath mein rakh dena chahiye
-PURSE .
A poster on TV at peace rally in mumbai….
“Politicians divide us…
N Terrorists unite us…”
truly superb…!
A boy was folowing a Girl,
Girl Replied:-Don’t follow me, my SISTER is Coming behind u
Boy replied:-Don’t Worry My brother is Following her
2men jumping
4m
buiding
terrace.
1st: this is my 50th time..
I’m a record holder.
2nd: this is my first time.
I’m a
“Satyam share Holder”
BHKT: BHGWAN muje dard de, dukh de, tensan de,
mujhe barbad karde,mere piche panoti laga de
BHGWAN: abe kutte 1lineme bolna k BV chahiye
My son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it
out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush, held it up
and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few
days ago
What is confidence?
think it………..
a 99 year old lady buying a sim card with life time validity
Boy said 2 Girl: Com in2 my heart
Girl: Saindal Nikalu Kya?
Boy: Hat Pagli, Mera Dil koi Mandir Thodi na he, Saindal pehan ke B Aa sakti ho
3 BOYS WERE GOING ON BIKE.
POLICEMAN GIVES HAND 2 STOP.. 1 BOY SHOUTED “OYE
PEHLE HI 3 BETHE HAI TU KAHAN BETHE
Pappu ucchi pahari pe beth kar study kr reha tha…
Ek admi ne poocha kya kr ho, Bhai sahib.
pappu: higher studies..
Interviewer: 2 bataiye PANI ke bina Insan kaise Marega?
Santa: PANI nai hoga 2 Insn Tairega kaise? Aur Trga nahi 2 doob jayega
Every man before marriage,
Just like AIRTEL
Aisi Aazadi aur kahan
after marriage
Just Like HUTCH
Whereever u go, your wife follows
Sayad meri shaadi ka khayal dil mein aaya hai ……PANCHI AKELA DEKH MUJHE YEH JAAL BICHAYA
HAI….good meaningful song if u can learn frm it : ) its frm the muvi SOUTAN 😀
The Toaster Oven
One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted.
“I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box.
“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”
Say Something Positive
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.” She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”
Wedding Vows
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”
o jaana na jaana song beautiful sexy namrata http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwVObGBf1gg&NR=1
The Bride & Groom
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
Birthday Surprise
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.
“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.
“You bet,” answered the customer. “She’s expecting a cruise.”
Advice to the Newly Married Couple
At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”
I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'”
Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, “She’s probably right.”
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
The Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
A 21st Century Marriage
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”
“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”
“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”
The Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight.” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
One Wish
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon an unusual old lamp. She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, “Nope…due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So…what’ll it be?”
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That’s what I wish for…a good mate.”
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “Let me see that map!”
High School Reunion
My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits…and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”
She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”
35 Years
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.
His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies, “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Housekeeping Husband
My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.
When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, “I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.”
High Blood Pressure
When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.”
“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked.
“Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.”
“Oh, come now,” I said. “How could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?”
He sighed. “You oughta meet ’em sometime, Doc!”
Jewish Marriage advice
Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too, but who cares?
Breaking In
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
Marriage of the 90’s
Jill and John got married. John thought this
would be a “marriage of the 90’s” — equal roles for equal partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn’t impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, “Poached? I wanted scrambled!”
Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn’t having any of it. “Do you think I don’t like variety? I wanted poached this morning!”
Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, “third time’s a charm” and brought her two eggs — one scrambled and one poached.”Here, my love, enjoy!” Jill looks at the plate and says, “You scrambled the wrong egg.”
i dont understand the stupidity that a girl needs to leave her parents home, i feel its absurd, and it also means she does not love her mom and dad. and it also mean the husband is so cruel that he has separated a human being from her parents.
Separation
A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. “Let them go first. You wouldn’t want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?”
The man says, “No, sir. I did that once, and I’ve been sorry ever since.”
Mistakes Of Another
On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.
“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”
Guardian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.”
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. “Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “And where the hell were you when I got married?”
Chicago Cab Driver
On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel.
My husband obligingly hailed a cab.
“The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver.
The cabby looked over his shoulder at us.
“And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want to go to the bank?”
Set it Free
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place — you either married it or gave birth to it!
A Changed Man
“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market,” said the man.
“Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,” remarked his friend.
“I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”
Just Got Paid
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Mary Lou
Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
“Ow!” Larry exclaimed. “What was that for?”
“I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said angrily. “You better have a good explanation!”
“Calm down, honey,” Larry said. “I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on.”
Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work.
“What the heck was that for?” he demanded.
“Your dog just called.”
A mild mannered man
A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem. The doctor gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.
When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him, he told her, “From now on I’m the man of this house and my word is law.
When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I’m going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
“The undertaker,” she replied.
The Fiance
After Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited the young man into his study to find out more about him.
“What are your plans?” he asked Joseph.
“I’m a scholar of the Torah,” Joseph replied.
“Well, that’s admirable,” Leslie’s father replied. “But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?”
“I will study, and God will surely provide for us,” Joseph explained.
“And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?”
“I will study hard, and God will provide for us.”
“And children?” asked the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replied the fiance.
The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie had left, her mother asked her father what he found out.
The father answered, “Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I’m God.”
Ungrateful Son-In-Law
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
“I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
Another Woman
“Mary,” asked Dawn thoughtfully one day, “what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?”
“Another woman with MY husband?” Mary thought it over.
“Let’s see; I’d break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from.”
The Coma
The woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”
“What dear?” She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
Secret to Old Age
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”
Marriage Problems
A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together.
After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asks the husband, “What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”
The husband says, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”
The wife says, “Seven weeks.”.
Millionaire
A woman proudly told her friend, “I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire.”
“Well what was he before he married you?” the friend asked.
“A billionaire.”
Reverse Polygamy
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”
“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer”
Computer Husband
TO MY DARLING HUSBAND,
I’m sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you’ll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what’s been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don’t mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I’m not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn’t be disturbed.
Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I’ve hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She’ll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary
Wedding Vows
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, “Do you take this man to be your husband.” And she said, “I do.”
Then the minister asked my Dad, “Do you take this woman to be your wife,” and my Mom said, “He does.”
Go Easy At First
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better.
Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her.
His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”
Large Family
A large family, with seven children, moved to a new city. They were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the father asked the mother to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment.
After they had looked most of the morning they found a place that was just right. Then the landlord asked the usual question: “How many children do you have?” The father answered with a deep sigh, “Seven…but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery.”
He got the apartment.
Marriage Humor
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an ad in the classified: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
Remote Control
The clerk asked me, “Cash, check or charge?” after ringing up my purchase.
As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” she asked.
“No,” I replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him!”
there are very beautiful pros, lot beautiful then wives 😀
Yard Work
Added On Friday, October 26, 2007 | In Marriage Jokes | By rahul
Viewed: 125 times
The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores his wife had been urging him to do all week. He cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, “Say, what do you get for yard work?”
The fellow thought for a moment, then answered, “The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.”
Freudian slip
One day, there was a priest sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous
look, and another priest saw him and wondered what was wrong. The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached his distraught associate and asked him what was wrong.
“Well,” the first priest said, “have you ever heard of a Freudian slip?”
“No,” said the other.
“Well,” said the first, “it’s when one slips and says something one is thinking
usually when it is the least opportune time.”
“Oh,” said the third, “so, what happened?”
“Well, today I performed a wedding and you know the part when you say ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’?” asked the first.
“Yes?” said the second.
“Well that is what I meant to say, and what I actually said was, ‘I now sentence you to death.’”
in film band baja barat …anushka says she wants to do business woman she is not interested in becoming mummy.
Perfect Wife
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in bed… But the law allows only one wife…
Work Ethic
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.
An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merg.
Marriage brings music to a man’s life. He learns to play second fiddle.
Getting married is one mistake every man should make.
A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.
Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.
The argument you just won with your wife isn’t over yet.
and lastly…………
Before criticizing your wife’s faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from gettting a better husband that the one she married!!
A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man’s face
Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home
When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he’ll ever make.
The story of two elderly people
This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will
you marry me?”
After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. “Yes, Yes, I will.”
The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’? He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”
The momentous question
For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous
question.
“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”
To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, “I think it’s a wonderful idea!
Can I help you pick out a puppy?”
Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.
“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”
“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”
—Woody Allen
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about ’short’ and ‘cheap’? — Phyllis Diller
I’ve been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.
If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. — Chekhov
If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children…” – they leave skid marks. — Rita Rudner
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.
Man and wife make one fool.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. — Honore de Balzac
Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?
Spinster: A bachelor’s wife.
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.
You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by.
What do men consider foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.
How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So they can think with an open mind.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell!
How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.
Why is food better than men?
Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
Husband: “Want a quickie?”
Wife: “As opposed to what?”
Why do men tend to name their penises?
They want to be on a first name basis with anything that makes 95% of their decisions for them.
What’s the difference between a man and childbirth?
One is an almost unbearable pain and the other involves having a baby.
Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
What do you call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced.
What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
Four men watching a football game.
Why did God create women?
He realized he made a mistake the first time.
How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows. It’s never happened.
Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouth out with beer.
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.
When you want a man to play with you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it. Sure it’s uncomfortable, but it makes you look just like his remote control.
Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.
I went to the County Fair. They had one of those “Believe it or not?” Shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don’t fit right in the crotch!
How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway!
Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender? MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdown, GUYnecology, HIMmorrhoids
Diamonds are a girl’s best friends. Dogs are man’s best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones
Husband: “Will you love me when I grow old and overweight?”
Wife: “Yes I do.”
Why do men call women birds?
Because of all the worms we pick up.
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.
What do men and diapers have in common?
They are always on your ass and full of shit.
Why do bald guy’s have holes in their pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair.
What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight?”
Wife: “That’s a good idea…. you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ”
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because men are pigs.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.
Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do men like masturbation?
It’s sex with someone they love.
How is a man like a used car?
Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
Women working at 900 numbers.
Did you hear about the man who got caught masturbating while on board a commercial airliner?
He was arrested for skyjacking!
Santa Paaji is sucking, licking,caressing and kissing his OWN fingers, palm & hand.
Cybera Guerreiro :Why this madness?
Santa Paaji : Oye,This is foreplay before Masturbation!
This is by far the best one:
Rajnikant doesn’t masturbate
…He just stares at his penis and says
“FIRE!”
Once Rajni Kanth went to US & met Pamela Andrson,he got horny & wanted to masturbate.
So he went behind a building and did it for few mins. Today,That building is called
WHITEHOUSE.
What Is The Most Sensitive Part Of The Body During Masturbation?
Ans: Your Ears, Listening 4 Footsteps. Isn’t It
Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.
If your boss says: Nothing’s impossible, ask him 2 wear a condom after sex..
.If necessity is d mother of invention, then..Frustration is d father of masturbation!
A Fact: Fuck a woman & she Loves you..Love a woman and she Fucks you.
I just showed him:
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself… television, ice cream, homework, video games, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home.
At this point, the boy’s uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.
For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny’s uncle, “What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven’t heard a peep from him all day!”
“Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied.
“I just showed him how to masturbate.”
if u just wanna hav sex then go to prostitute, i dont think there is any harm its just like u wanna hav food and u visit a resturant. —–vishal : )
A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.
Doctor: Are you married?
Patient: No….
Doctor: Do you masturbate?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?
Patient: No.
Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?
Advantage of not having bfs/gfs
1.can sleep well.
2 can save money
3 no worry abt how u look
4 no misd calls in mid night
…5 no need to rechrg 2ce a dy
6 the mst imprtant is whenever love spontaneously blossoms, u sing it,
dance it, live it; u don’t create chains out of it : )
For in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own.We swim in the deepest of oceans and glide over the highest of clouds……
beware of randi attitude girls , they may be beautiful and they will axe u as in axe ur ex on channel v and emotional atachayar models in bindass tv.
i cant love , i hav no time for it .
nice lip kiss and f**k in the muvi band baja barat and the explanation that it was just a mistake , ho gaya na , bas ho gaya, and no probs due to it : )
If you can drop the old superstitions, that once a woman or a man loves you, they have to love you
forever … Love is very fragile. It is just like a flower: beautiful, but very delicate. In the morning it
blossoms; by the evening it is gone, its petals are scattered. That was a beauty in the morning; by
the evening it has become a grave. Life is a changing, continuously changing phenomenon.
hoto se chu lo tum song
naino ki mat manio re frm omkara muvi
jawan pe laga laga re namak ishq ka song frm omkara muvi
SARA JAHAN HAI ACCHA
PURA BRAHMAND HAI SABKA : )
Favorite Flower
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
The rest of the story is not pleasant.
Why did you shoot your husband with a bow
Lawyer: “Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?”
Defendant: “I didn’t want to wake up the children.”
If a man’s wife is his better half, and he marries twice, what then becomes of him?
Marriage
-It’s not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She’s not marrying the best man.
-They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won’t try to run her life, and he won’t try to run his, either.
-He believes that marriage and a career don’t mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job.
-After the wedding ceremony was over, a little girl asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. “What do you mean?” responded her mother. “Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.”
-They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But, he finally decided to let her go.
-He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, “You’re the boss.”
marjawa song frm the muvi fashion : ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ-HTR7o8iY
Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I’m afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!
A man on wife’s birthday had no money so he sent a chq of 100 kisses, When he return home his wife said “thanks for chq i got it cashed from banks manager.
a rich man was saying book my room in taj hotel for rs 18 k per day for 10 days. i also hav to see a boy for my girl.
I saw your face as you walked by but then I saw a better guy
A million words would not bring you back, I know, because I’ve tried. Neither would a million tears. I know, because I’ve cried
1 day I read Smoking is Bad,
I Stop Smoking!
1 day I read Drinking is Bad,
I Stop Drinking!
1 day I read Kissing is Bad
I Stopped Reading.
I wish…u were heren my room on my bedwid da lights off!v go under da blanket &….i will show u my………new watch it glows n da dark!
I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those three sweet words to you….Pay The Bill
What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous…. I Stare, I smile, And, when I get tired….. I put down the mirror !
Never kiss a police woman. she ‘ll say stop and handsup. Never kiss a nurse she ‘ll say next plz. Always kiss a teacher. She ‘ll say repeat it 10 times.
Teacher : Because of Quaid E Azam’s Hard work, whaT do we geT on 14Th AugusT…?
STudenT : A HoLiday.. ;->
Teachr: What’s D Benifit Of Eating Spinach?
Studnt: Eat Spinach & U’ll GrowUp Big & Strong Lyk POPYE
But
U’ll Also End Up Wid A GirlFrnd Who Luks Lyk OLIVE ;->
Lady Secretary: Sir, it’s ur wife’s call. She wants to kiss U on the phone.
Boss: I am busy. U may take the msg & pass it on to me, later. 😉
A student was asked 2 write a signboard 4 da traffic rules near da college campus
He wrote:
“Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students,Wait 4 d Teachers” ;->
Wat words starts with’S’ n ends with’X’. It has a lot of ups n down movements
I know wat u r thinking perfect.
it’s SENSEX…
KABHI KISI LADKI SAY BOOK NAHI MANGNI CHAHIYE VERNA MAAR PED SAKTI HAIN COZ IT MEANS
B-BABBY
O-ONLY
O-ONE
K-KISS
Kis z da key of love.love z da key of marage.marage z da box of children & children r da problem of hindustan, so stop kising & save hindustan.
If time doesn’t wait 4 u
Don’t worry!
Just remove the damn battery from ur clock & Enjoy life!
Doctor: U löök exactly like my third wife..!
Lady: How many wivez do u have???
Doc: Two…!
Moral: Express smart ideas
“Smarty’ 😉
U & me went 2 a wishwell.
I bent down threw a coin & made a wish,
U bent down a little more n fell into the well.
I shouted,
Aahah…
IT WORKS 😉
Imagine
urself in a boat
which is sinking
sharks all around u
wat can u do 2 save urself?
very simple
stop IMAGINING
Boy1:You are late!.
Boy2:I had to toss a coin to decide going to church and coming to the game.
Boy1:So long?
Boy2:I had to toss 15 times for the game
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I would be a little bull.”
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!”
The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver..! ;->
What Do U Call A Laughing MotorCycle. . . ???
Guess Karo
Ez Hai
Nahi Pata
It’s Yamahahahaha. . . ;->
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!,” SAID her FATHER, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the GIRL… ;->
I LOVE U
I WANT U
I LIKE U
I MISS U
All these sentences r the examples of “PRESENT INDEFINITE”
2moro v wil study “PRESENT CONTINOUS” ;->
Going late to Class,
In Torn Jeans,
And Messy Hair,
Entering the class without permission,
And saying to Madam:
“Hey Sweety! Carry on… Don’t Stop for me.”
Women live a Better, Longer and Peaceful Life!!!
Why?
Very Simple….
A women does not have a Wife…
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life.
James Bond sent marriage proposal to Brook Shield, but she rejected his proposal,
Why?
?
?
Because she did not wat to be called “Brook Bond”.
A student wrote a letter to his father from Hostel:
Dear Dad!
No Mony, No Fun
Your Son.
His Father Replied:
Dear Son!
So Sad, Very Bad.
Your Dad!
All people in this world
Be it Indians or Americans
Be it Canadian or Australian
Atleast once a day
Stand on single leg for
Changing underwear!
I saw your face as you walked by but then I saw a better guy
When i am not messaging u it does not mean that i have forgotten u, i am just giving u time to MISS ME!!
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you’re not
VERY… Cute, Gorgeous, Genious, Goodlooking, Intellegent, One in Trillions…I think its enuff abt ME,wht abt U….
u r a donkey d 4 decent .. o 4 outclass .. n 4 nice .. k 4 kind .. e 4 excelent .. y 4 young
Hey friend remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom .. & without ugliness there can be no beauty .. so the world needs YOU after all!
u r stupid s 4 super .. t 4 talented .. u 4 unique .. p 4 pesron .. i 4 in .. d 4 demand
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe “go to hell”
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Hi! i am marrying next week. there will be a small party and only a few people will be invited…so i am inviting you…don’t bring any gift with you…just bring someone to marry me. —this need to be sent by desperate man looking for eating a wife.
what is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey plz contact zoo for detail
Heaven is when u have German Car, American Salary, Chinees Food and Pakistani Wife.
Hell is when Car is Chinees, Food is German, Wife is American and Salary is Pakistani.
WARNING: mobile phones causes radiation and it results in brain damage!
But you are safe.
It only effects people with brains!
How lucky you are, no brain no stress!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. Why learn.
The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Man standing on the scale,
holding his stomach in.
Wife:I do not think that is going to help.
Man:Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent!
We can attack in any direction now!
thats called attitude : )
A man sees a fat man sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks: Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies: No!Even monkeys like you can sit!
Impact of Movies:
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it.
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
What is BUSINESS ?
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter.
Son: then Ok.
Dad goes o Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
That’s business…!!
Boy 2 God: Give me a pocket full of money, A job & a big vehicle full of girls.
God replied:your wish is fullfilled
&
He became a bus conductor of girls college.
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant and puts his finger on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it because he is the owner of restaurant
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
Books And Study
A sardarji’s boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
A lawyer saw an auto accident on street.
He rushed over and started handing out
business cards saying:
I saw the whole thing..
I will take either side.
The devils challenged the angels to a game of cricket.
We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.
Devils:No problem,
we have got all the umpires.
Boss:I will give you Rs.25 an hour starting today
and in 3 months, I will raise it to Rs.50 an hour.
When do you want to start?
New employee:In 3 months.
Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a …
…nice drink…PEPSI
Doc 2 Patient :
The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient 2 Doc:The head-ache for which
you gave me medicine has also returned back.
Qualities a friend must have:
Cute as crocodile.
Smart as donkey.
Active as turtle.
Fit as hippo.
Matured as monkey.
Sincerity like dog.
No doubt you are my good friend
2day i have not sent Sms 2 anybody Except U.
2day i have not thought about anybody Except U.
Because my policy is?
one day one fool…..!
Inteligent man + inteligent girl = Friendship.
Duffer man + inteligent girl=Love.
Inteligent man+ duffer girl=Dates.
Duffer man+ duffer girl= Love marriage
A dog and mosqto wr in luv.
1day mosqto gv luv bite.
2day dog get emotionl & bite mosqto.
next day mosqto died of rabies and dog of died of malaria.
pyar ke side effect!
love is life!
but not without wife
tru & lies always 4 afraid of loosing wife…
Monkey 1:Excuse me, i’m new to this tree, can i speak with boss monkey?
Monkey2: shhhhu… silence, Boss is reading msg!!!!!!!!!
We live in a funny nation, where pizza reaches home faster than the Ambulance or Police…!
“lighter joke but bitter truth..!”
Who is HOT?
Its U.
Who is CHARMING?
Its U.
Who is Sweet?
Its U.
Who is Darling of Milions?
Its U.
Who is a Liar?
Its ME!
Hee..Hee..Hee…..
Our “EYES”
See together
Sleep together
Weep together
But when they see a girl
only one eye will blink
Moral: A Girl can break any kind of relation.
A guy in a aeroplane stood up and shouted
HI JACK
All the passengers in plane scared,
From another side another guy replied
HI JOHN
New Concept of Life
Morning = MANDIR
Evening = M_A_D_I_R_A
Night = M_A_N_D_I_R_A
Why did God Create U before Me….? Ans: Bcause he wanted to Create a SAMPLE, Be4 Creating A *Master-Piece* He! He! He! Hu!! Hu!! Hey!! Hey!
(@) Smiling…. (!.!) Crying… (;) Angry… (:) Bored… (-)Proud… (o) Hungry… (,) Happy.. (?) Confused… (-.-)Sleepy Jo marji shakal bana lo nahana to padega… Good day Dear
Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: I m writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.
Government of INDIA has introduced a new rule…Good looking people should be thrown out of country!!! U r safe..oh! No where should I Hide???
a
boy
pulled
a
girl
into
room
locked the
door,
put
of d
light,
puled
her
2 d
bed
dragged
her
into
d
blanket
n
said: see my new radium watch-
shining na?
U R 100% beautiful,
U R 100% lovely,
U R 100% sweet,
U R 100% nice, and
U R 100% stupid to believe these words…
( )
(_o_)
/(_)
U love me
( )
(_o_)
/(_)
U love me not
( )
(_o
/(_)
U love me
(_o
/
U love me not
o
/
U LOVE ME!
/
I don’t blame You, I am loveable!
Newton’s law of Romance:-
LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED,
IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM
ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER…
I’m shocked 2 know, i’m really upset.
I dont know how 2 inform U.
Bt I’ve 2 let U know dat U’ve symptoms of
A-I-D-S
(Adoring, Intelligent, Dear, Sweetlover) !!
Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you… I wish that someday I/d dream about my pillow and I/d be hugging you.
Havin a Friend
So SWEET
So CARING
So TRUE
So SINCERE
Is a TREASURE!
So I can’t juz imagine
How Lucky U R having Me!
Ow! I mean…
Me
having U!
agar kahin dil na lage..
sab kuch ajeeb sa lage.
man bhari-bhari lage.
kahin akele baithne ka dil kare.
to samajh lena aapko.
“SANDAS” lagi hai.
Two frinds,who hadn’t seen each other in several years, met on the street.
1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.
Raamnavami aanewali hai, isiliye hum apna man kewal Pooja, Arcahna, Sadhna, Aarti mein lagaana chahtey hain. So… aapke pados mein in mein se koi ho to bataao.
Mil Gaya, Oye Hoye Mil Gaya, Balle-Balle Mil Gaya, DHINCHAK DHINCHAK Mil Gaya, Apna Sara Kaam Chod Ke Fizool ka SMS Padnewala Ek aur…”BEWAKUF”Mil Gaya!
A women’s prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death!
Dog is truly a man’s best friend.
If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.
Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?
Because, women don’t have a wife.
It’s wrong that Alcohol makes u fat… It doesn’t! It actually makes u LEAN… against bars, poles, walls, friends & strangers! Cheers!
Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela beta dudh p k doctor banega.
Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.
Ek shrabi sadhu se takra gaya. Sadhu: Oh murkh, mein tuje shrap deta hoon…
Sharabi: Ruko, me glass leke ata hoon.
Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri sharan me aaye.
Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan me aaye.
Ma: Beta ladoo Khayega?
Beta: Nahin
Ma: Chocolate?
Beta: Nahin
Ma: Khana?
Beta: Nahin
Ma: Marjana apne peo te gaya hai, sirf jutiyan hi khayega.
Gud afternoon. Aap g de sare pariwar nu sunday di lakh-lakh wadhahi hove. Parmatma kare aap g de jeevan de har hafte da satwan din Sunday hove. Happy Sunday
When somebody who’s deeply in love with you tells you that you’re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That’s true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!
Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
“Of course, why would Friday be an exception?”
A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby’s father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de… Dusri kiran hasi de… Teesri tandurasti… Chouthi kamyabi… Bas ab aur nahi garmi lagegi. Good Day.
Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di. Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa diya kyon ki Bank mein likha tha: Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge
Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi: Mere paas bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai, Bank Balance hai…
Silence for few Minutes…
Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa kahana hai?
Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!
Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !
Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.
Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte rahenge, kabhi to aapko sharm aayegi. Gud Day!
Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car…….preferably with Gas Kit!!!
Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.
Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
Doctor, cut off my dog’s tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcomed.
Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons… Just wanna thank you for breaking the monotony!
Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I’m goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife…
ALCOHOL MANTRA:
guru bRUM guru WHISKY gurudevo GINEswaro,
guru sakhyat paramBRANDY, Tasmaishree BEERaye namaha……..
CHEERS::::::
2 pyaz
3 Lashun
5 gm jeera
3 kali mirch
2 spon namak
4 spoon oil
1 cup water
Aur thodasa hara
dhania
pata hai hum kya bana
rahe hain
aapko ULLU.
wo bhi swad anusar
Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho. DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.
swami anubhavanada once said ….that a boy and girl came to him and asked for his blessing for their marriage ….swami ji said …what can i say its obvious that a fool boy + fool girl = marriage. But once swami ji critized a girls’s behaviour of not getting married as according to her the boy though being good in all respect but hav no interest in spirituality.
swami anubhavananda often says when he says to JUST BE HAPPY, many women comes and says u just keep saying be happy , be happy , u get married first and then u will not be able to say be happy….and swami ji laughs 😀
i hav changed my opinion on marriage to a cretain extent, one may marry if one wish to : ) there are quite good couple jodi like rishi kapoor and netu singh etc and also rab ne bana de jodi muvi shows the marital bliss of surinder sahani as he god big tiffin for office, going to muvi etc……but i also fel all this can happen inspite of mariage if there is true love and commitment between the lovers : )
abe tumse milne ke liye time bhi to hona chaiye, aadmi daal roti kamane jayega ki tumse milega….ha ha ha.
hum paagal nahi hai
sunna be tere paas aaj raat ka khana hai? mere saath share karega ? : D
mujhe sundar ladka chaiye: dialogue from date my folks on channel v
aaj kal ladka hona bahut mushkil ka baat hai , ladkia aajkal kidnapping , rape etc sab karti hai.
SAB PAGAL HAI AUR BHAGWAN BHI PAGAL
i remm the feeling of death when wire cut my throat when bicycling and once i was to cum under a state bus.
i remm once god’s almirah fell on my grandmother
chor do aachal jamana kya kahega song
bhige hote tere song
sadi na karke bhi pachtana parta hai aur karke bhi pachtana parta hai.
on an avg woman lives 5 years longer than man.
dr niruben amin use to tease young boys by saying do like watching greeneries (girls;-D , i like her sense of humour : )
watch lots of cartoon programmes on diff channels &dvds …duck tales and talespin, mogli, and old programmes like nukkad etc.
EMOTIONAL AATYACHAR
dev d & emotional aatyachar song
rihaana …dont stop the music song…good girl gone bad : )
hey baby beautiful & meaningful tytle song
eat lots of icecream only for dinner 🙂
Remember that bold divorced lady who called herself both man and woman, her pretty daughter also had a relationship breakup after 6 years , on the show date my folks on channel v she liked surinder the interesting hot boy against the boring macho man .
marriage is emotional aatyachar ;-D
dukh hai hi nahi jeevan mein , its we who invite dukh by marrying and then we beg the dhongi sadhus for help, who themselves tell u to marry, so that their business booms 😀
If we need a humanity where man and woman are equal, then contraceptives should be used as
widely as possible; they should become normal. And only then will extra-marital relationships, premarital
relationships become very simple. The whole problem was that if you were moving in a premarital
relationship and the woman got pregnant, there would be great trouble. The contraceptive
has eradicated that trouble completely.
The Pope is afraid that if contraceptives are used then pre-marital relationships cannot be prevented.
That was a tragedy to prevent them: the woman was so afraid that she would lose all honor, all
respect if she got pregnant; the man was so afraid that if he made a woman pregnant then he
would have to get married to the woman. He may not be ready for that; it may have been just a
momentary affair. It may have been just fun! But it has become now a great responsibility, a whole
life’s responsibility.
Contraceptives have transformed the very quality of sex: sex becomes fun. Sex is no more such a
serious thing as it used to be. It becomes just a playfulness – two bodies playing with each other,
that’s all. There is nothing wrong in it. You play football – what is wrong in that? You play volleyball
– what is wrong in that? Two body energies are involved.
Sex is also a game, but it was not a game before. Before contraceptives it was a serious thing.
Contraceptives have eradicated that whole seriousness about it. Now the religions are bound to be
afraid, because their whole edifice can collapse because of contraceptives. What the atheists could
not do in centuries, contraceptives can do within decades. They have already done it: contraceptives
have made man free of the priest.
Contraceptives are a blessing, but the Pope cannot be in favor of them because his power is at stake
– and not only the Pope but all other religious heads, the shankaracharyas and the ayatollahs and
the imams, they will all be against contraceptives. Their whole business is at risk.
And I am all for contraceptives. They should be widely used. Children should be taught by parents,
by the schools, how to use contraceptives so sex becomes just fun, it loses all seriousness. And
then only can woman be liberated. Without contraceptives the woman is bound to remain a slave,
half humanity living in slavery is not a good scene to look at.
What will they think?
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money.”
Have times changed?
In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.
Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven’t changed at all!
Crazy with confusion
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.
“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?”
After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: “Move over!”
Most damaging food
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”
The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”
A desperate marriage
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, “June.”
“Yes, this is June.”
“Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will! Who’s this?”
first the fools get married then bear a children and then justify STEALING for their child’s future : (….height of chutiya panti.
I had to steal the car
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”
A date starts off badly
John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
“I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.”
The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then John’s date walked out.
“Isn’t Spot the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?”
“To tell the the truth, ” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”
New college courses
Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)
9. Get A Life – Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb
16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat
18. Give Me A Break – Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies
19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
20. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency
21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
27. Attainable Goal – Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary
28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche
be calm even if u r debating …enjoy the debate …if u r really happy with ur points it shows : )
priyanka in 7 khoon maaf muvi shows 7 ways to get rid of ur valentine……saare husbands ko uda dena chaiye
pole dance in love lockup in bindass tv
i hav not asked u whether i should marry or not , so plz dont give advice and u r married but u didnt ask my permission , so get lost : )
aapka jivan ka kya yehi lakshya hai ki mera saadi karwana….maine aapka kya bigada hai 😀
osho audio sapna yeh sansar no. 4 on marriage ….ha ha ha : )
no.2 on osho sanyasi’s masti and other people’s envy : )
priyanka doing silk smitha ‘s role in a muvi by ekta kapoor
muskurata hua dil lubhata hua mera yaar song by kishore kumar
sunri sakhi meri pyaari sakhi yeh dil kahi khoya hai mera song
gori teri aankhen kahen song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hP0TR_ODl0
saath samunder paar mein tere piche piche aagaye song beautiful divya bharti http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HScVm6sGjUM&NR=1
divya’s death http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIwJEx3swCE&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEoZQLe8-ac&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bVjt65kT3c&NR=1
Never annoy this guy
A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, “That’s one.” The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.
A bit further down the path, the woman’s horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, “That’s two!” He returns to his saddle and they move on.
As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman’s horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman’s horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, “That’s three,” removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.
The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, “That’s terrible, why would you do such a thing!”
The man stares at his wife and firmly says, “That’s one!”
Bad for Anniversaries
1. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
2. Today is our what?
3. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
4. I thought we only celebrated important events?
5. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
6. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
7. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.
8. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
9. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up.
10. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
Mind if I borrow him?
It’s for my mother-in-law,” explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, “My Doberman here killed her.”
“Gee…That’s terrible,” commiserated the spectator. “But… Hmmmm… Is there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?”
The bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered, “Get in line.”
I will give my daughter
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!”
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, “My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?”
The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!”
Kid’s job at a wedding
At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”
A man is about to die
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”
His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”
Husbands like fathers
If it’s true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.
Now changed his mind
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Mule for Sale?
Farmer Joe had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Joe’s wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Joe’s old mule kicked up his back legs, striking her in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Joe’s minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Joe he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Joe and asked, “Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?”
“Well,” Joe replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, “Is that mule for sale?”
Fried Eggs!
A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful… Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They’re going to stick! Careful… Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!”
The wife stared at him and asked, “What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving with you in the car.”
No deposit, no return
Recently I was so embarrassed at my wedding, at the
rehearsal, the minister told my father, ‘As you give
your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say
something nice to him.’
My father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed my hand on my new
husband’s arm and said, ‘No deposit, no return.’
tere mere sapne ab ek rang hai song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27ASuBNWBQQ
The ABC’s of Ex-Lovers
A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.
B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.
C is for the commitment that was never there.
D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.
E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.
F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.
G is also for the spot he could never find!
H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.
I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.
J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.
K is for kinky, he always started without me.
L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.
M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?
N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.
O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.
P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!
Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.
R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.
S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.
T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.
U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.
V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.
W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.
X is what he is to me now!!!!
Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.
Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.
Sales Practice
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.
“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her
if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.’”
An organization that makes men fear marriage
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.It seems that in England, they had a men’s club, Bachelors’ Anonymous.
It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry.
They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.
Dangerous and sometimes fatal traditions
In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding in the Lorestan province, accidentally killing six people and wounding fourteen of them.I think I’ll stick to the tradition of throwing rice–it seems much less dangerous.
Finding perfect men
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.”The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.
He must be musical.
Tell jokes.
Sing.
And stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”
Have long marriages
Some people ask the secret of Anthony’s long marriage.They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.The Mrs.
goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
Going to the office
Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Why? Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
A grief-stricken man
A grief-stricken man threw himself on a grave and cried bitterly, “My life, oh how senseless is it! How worthless everything about me, because you are gone. If only you had lived, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how everything would have been different!”
A clergyman nearby overheard him and said, “I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you.”
“Importance? Indeed it was,” wept the man. “It’s my wife’s first husband!”
Don’t Try This at Home
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”
“Why not?” asked someone in the audience.
“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove and table, often carrying just a single item. So I suggested, ‘Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”
Another person asked, “Did it save time?”
The expert replied, “Actually, it did. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready…and now I do it in
about ten.”
Marriage Math
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
Your Husband Gets It Double
This woman’s husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on with her life hating her ex-husband. One day she found a beautifull lamp lieing in the streets. She picked it up and rubbed it a little bit. Suddenly, a geenie popped out of the lamp! The geenie said that it would grant her 3 wishes & that with every wish her husband it get the same thing only double!
So, the woman thinks of a first wish…
“I want to be rich!!!”
So, the woman became rich, and the husband became twice as rich!
So, the woman thinks of a second wish…
“I want to be beautifull!!”
So, the woman became beautifull, and the husband became twice as beautifull.
”Okay”, the geenie says. “This is your last wish so be carefull what you wish for!”
The woman thinks real hard and finally comes to a desision.
“I Want You To Scare me HALF To Death!!”
dil to baccha hai ji muvi with bold and good dialogues like : i ike watching pornography…..i am just kidding …..no i mean it : )……whatever happened that day was just normal to happen….neither it happened for the first time for me nor it happened for u …so not a big deal….and stop saying this dialogue that u will die without me….listen nobody dies without others…u urself left anu….has she died? ….i like ur company but that doesnt mean that i want to spend my whole life with me ……i dont like love, bondage, marriage etc….i like just some fun , passian thats it. ……sir when did u lost ur V (virginity)…..haha ha ….when u lost ur virginity at 20 i was just 3 years old. ….now we must drink by looking at each others eyes otherwise….we will be having 7 years of bad sex life 😀
Being really spiritual seeker…u will live in ur masti and people around u will be jealous of u , so let them be whatever. Walk in ur masti like an elephant, let the dogs bark , dont change ur walk for the dogs. And if u continue to enjoy…..the same people u criticized u will be appreciating u ….they may eben say i said earlier too that he is enlightened : )
hai bhagwan kya duniya banaya hai, betichod jaisa.
both man and women are best and masters of themselves and the only relationship between them is of friendship : )
at 25 years age , an accident occured with me, my marriage : )
25—paagal hai kya , 19 till i die : )
mere pati itna hi dhan late hai , isse jyada lana wo paap samajhte hai—dialogoe frm muvi adi sankracharya : )
murkh log gyan ko dehdari manushya samajhte hai —dialogoe frm muvi adi sankracharya : )
sadma muvi —-i luv it , especially the ending : )
overheard talk of a man whose life has become like bhosriwala bcoz of his bhabi who is now his wife bcoz of his elder brother’s death. his elder bro was 11-12 yrs older than him and use to take care of the family like father figure. he has two children too. That man was saying his shadi was not due to himself but bcoz of his father’s stupidity. now he is not interested in having hsi own childeren as to only he will have to pay for their care. even now he his paying the expenses of teaching them in a big school. he is into stock market arbitrage trading ….he is making ok money ….but his bhabi/wife is never satisfied and always keep nagging him , that his two sisters have 2-3 flats each and are far well off then him , and she (bhabi/wife)says to him that he can come with her to her brother’s town and she can get her a good job in big pvt company. that man said to his friend that instead he will drink mutti (urine) than go with her. And the man also said that he is the kind of person who can spend a day happiy even with just rs 5. he is a happy nature fellow : )…and he has said in his home that whatever is possible he is doing.
put all lights off and watch jiya dhadak dhadak jaye song frm muvi kalyug on dvd in home : ) enjoy life , be happy ….laugh…smile : ) …also watch muvi 1947 earth , fire, water , ks : )
i can live all alone , listening to gurumaa’s bhajans …kuch lena na dena magan rehna …..also om guru of cd fragrance of love…..i may also listen to anahat naad inside me ;-D
i dont want to get married to someone who is going to die. if u say the girl will no die tomorrow , i would say can u guarantee?
bante hai bigadte hai mtv rodies song : )
do waste ur time : )
no strings attached new english muvi : )
teri shadi ho gayi to meri tarakki (new gf) se kyu jal raha hai : )—dialogue by ranvir kapoor to imraan khan on award function : )
E MATHEW DEAD
BUSINESSMAN’S SON DEAD
TWIN CA DEAD
TRAVEL AGENT DEAD BY FALLING OFF FROM BUS
chahat song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wsadld7wYsk&NR=1&feature=fvwp
i will live till i can make the boring life interesting in mauj , and when its not possible , i would commit suicide instead of living a boring life.
only intelligent people get bored : )
hum tere bin kahi reh nahi pate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qTq5J-Sdi0
tumhe apna banane ki kasam song sadak http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0jHJIUCvns
sochenge tum pyaar kare ki nahi song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI3gEdnUnbk
milne ki tum koshish karna wada kabhi na karna song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tkGYrRjJ7I&NR=1
Asha Lal
The spiritual life does not remove us from the world but leads us deeper into it.”
~Henri J. M. Nouwen~
Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.~~~~
Lao Tzu
i remember i used to take money frm maa for eating chowmin during puja days : )
i luv bel ka sherbat : )
i wil liv alone and drink lime masala thumsup everyday , it gives me a better high than alcohol.
aashiqui mein har aashiq hojata hai majboor song divya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBfJ4MIgriU&NR=1&feature=fvwp
having sunbath feeling the warmth of sun in each of ur cells gives better feeling than sexual satisfaction : )
A SPIRITUAL/ENLIGHTENED PERSON LIVES NATURALLY, HAS FULL SLEEP, WAKES UP AND HAVE WALK , DO WHATEVER, EAT WHEN FEELS HUNGRY ETC 🙂
aap jo mere meet na hote hoto pe mere geet naa hote song divya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMNsXCqbQHk&NR=1
teri umeed tera intezar karti hai song divya bharti http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJaPCBgNnZY&NR=1
aisi deewangi dekhi nahi kahi song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXmL7WpMyu4&NR=1
aankho mein tera hi chera song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rcP_6TO2nQ
Women eh! Boob jobs, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellies & clits. Eyebrows plucked, bikini lines & legs waxed & they won’t take it up the arse ‘coz it HURTS!
If a married woman is called ‘Polo… The mint with a hole’ Then what’s an unmarried woman called…?
CENTER FRESH
New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Q: What’s the definition of a Menstrual Period?
A: A bloody waste of fu*kin time!
An old lady owned two dogs. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxidermist.
So u want them mounted?
No. Holding hands will do just fine.
Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator I don’t know why you are fuckin shaking, she’s goin 2 eat me!
A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what’ ur name?
She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what’s urs?
Man: Beer cunt!
Women r like a pair of rubber boots. When they r dry, u can’t enter them, when they r wet, they smell & when u walk on the street with them, people laugh at u.
Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives?
DrinKING,
LicKING,
SucKING,
F*cKING,
W*nKING !
Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case!
After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.
A gal tells her Doctor: I’ve got a bad discharge.
Dr: Drop ur knickers.
He fingers her & says how’s it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear.
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enters the female, and you wondered why the sea tasted so Fu*kin salty!
What’s the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra.
One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.
When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every1 ignores u, then go n sit in the corner close ur eyes n think: Bhanch*d Chakar kya hai?
Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Workers discuss cricket! Managers discuss tennis! Top bosses discuss Snooker! CEO’s discuss Golf!
Moral: Higher u go smaller ur balls become!
As a man goes older, it is harder and harder for him to grow harder.
Q: Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly?
A: When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
Q: Why are men like a toothbrush?
A: They are useless without handle.
When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.
Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a road and a man is like a traveller. The traveller gets tired but the road never ends!
Man quits smoking because of will power.
He quits drinking because of will power.
But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.
Q: What do you call Afghan virgin?
A: Never Bin LaDen
Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mr in it; Female has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Q: Agar Madhubala ki jagah Mallika Sherawat hoti Mughal-e-Azam mein to film ka naam kya hota?
A: Mughal-e-Orgasm!!!
Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi?
Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance nil ho gya?
A Greek n Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women!
Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand.
Write an essay which contains factors religion, sex & mystery.
Winning essay: Oh my god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it!
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: What’s the difference between a person who is committing suicide and a virgin?
A: One is trying to die and the other one is dying to try.
What do u usually say after Sex?
I Luv U?
Wrong!
That was great?
Wrong again!
I Luv it?
Wrong again!
The Ans: Mera Kachha Kithe Hai!
Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E & F are used for bra sizes?
A: Almost boobs
B: Barely there
C: Can do
D: Damn good
E: Enormous
and F for Fake.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
An erection is like the Theory of Relativity – the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
Lightest muscle is a man’s PENIS. It can be raised by a woman’s TONGUE!
Strongest muscle is a man’s TONGUE! It can raise a woman’s LEGS!
Breaking News: Coke’ll launch a new soft drink in the world market soon, that”ll contain Viagra. They have named it MOUNT-N- DO!
Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for ANAL entry. She calls it ‘Turnover’ tax.
A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are sensitive, on stomach are competent and on their back with legs in the air are very popular.
Q: Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey?
A: Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moja hi moja.
Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-e-Elahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi.
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi
A 95 yr old man sucks his 90 yr old wife’s breast for half hour and drinks two drops of milk and dies.
Postmortem report: Died because of drinking something after expiry date.
Q: What did one ant say to the other while climbing up Prince Charles’ leg?
A: Meet you at the royal ball.
Karamchand to his secretary: Today u hv not worn up panties, y? Sec: U r a gr8 detective. How did u come 2 know this? KC: Today, I saw dandruff on your shoes!
Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them?
A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places.
A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
“Wanted – Girl Age no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar…… Lagataar….!
If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck,
if its erect but soft it needs good suck,
if its neither hard nor erect, it needs good luck!
One day the penis tells the balls:
Tonight v r goin 4 a party!
The balls reply, U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!
3 Facts of Life
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.
Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke badd uski ma bolti hai “HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.
Viagra now available in eye drops, you don’t get an erection but you look hard!
A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receives love. Who opens her legs receives happenis
Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.
Nipple, Nipple don’t b far,
let me press u in my car,
up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry,
let me suck u don’t feel shy, in the bra u’ll die.
If you assume you may make an ASS out of U and ME, but if you don’t assume, nothing gets done.
Feelin bored? Think of me.
Feelin sad? Call me.
Feelin lonely? See me.
Feelin horny? Use ur hand & njoy d art of messaging me.
Q: What’s the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet n tight in the beginning but become tasteless n shapeless later.
Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman – but on the (w)hole woman have more.
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race. “What the guys are doing” asked the sardar. ” We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize” replied one runner. “Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!” Exclaimed the Sardar
Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
Museum Administrator: That’s a 500 year old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I’ll also stay with ur sister
3- Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes
Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey…
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne Shaadi di movie si !
Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He’s very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
Jeeto: If I die what’ll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
By: Shalini Malhotra
take me 2 a lonely place
make sure noone is watching
rip me naked
hold me by my waist take me to ur lips
and……………………
have a break and have a kitkat.
1 DAY SANTA N BANTA WERE STANDING AT 5OTH FLOOR OF A BUILDING
A MAN TOLD SANTA UR SON IS DEAD!!!!!!!!
HEARING THIS SARDAR GI JUMPED FROM 50TH FLOOR
AT 35TH HE REALISE I DONT HAVE A SON
AT 20TH HE REALISE I AM NOT MARRIED
AT 3RD HE REALISE “OH sh*t” ,,, I AM BANTA
Sardar get frustrated of jokes made on him,
so he goes to his wife and says
Tel me joke in which i’m not involveed.”
She smiles and says …” I am pregnant
remember in muvi akele hum akele tum, there was strugle for survival by struggling artist aamir khan and his family.
Sardar g ne wife ko letter likha………
is month’s salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hu…
Wiffe replie…ap ke 100 kiss mile, doodhwala 2 kiss mai man gaya ,,’ sir ko 7 deni padi, sabziwala 7 main nai mana 9 deni padi….’ kirane wala sirf kiss se nai mana, maakan malik, to roj 5 ya 6 le jata hai ap chinta na kare mere pass 35 padi hai . or jo yeh par raha hai uuse b 2-4 deni padegi…..baki sab thk hai …..!
ok i say marriage is good becoz u force me to say so, but my saying so wont make marriage any good. it will remain the ugliest thing .
i hav a very active sexlife , i masturbate on regular basis , reading erotiv stories or watching pornography, and i dont desire sex after ejaculation , so i am very satisfied : )
mere ko nahi pata ladki ke waha pe kya hota hai ? hole or pole ? ha ha ha ha 😀
i remember choti munni slapped a man on howrah station bcoz he pressed her boobs : )
i remember having friendly talk with shweta rungta in school : )
I WILL SELL VEG PATTIES ON ROAD 😀
i wil liv alone and eat sandwich made by myself in sandwich toaster : )
seen a young milkman with his pant of ash colour stitched with yellow coloured thread on one side not properly probably by himself, but the boy had a great godly innocence : )
woh pehli jab hum mile song dino morea
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FnHIjXrbeY&NR=1&feature=fvwp
dil se mere door naa jaana song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTVZDCnfn3U
tanha dil song by shaan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__qkzfWhi6g
chalte chalte kahi ruk jata hu main
bethe bethe kahi kho jata hu main
kehte khte hE chup O jata hu main
kia yhi pyar hai,
ye pyar ni kamjoori aur Bhulne k bimari hai!;-D
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
By: Komal Jain
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Banta: Some people can tell time by looking at the sun.
Santa: But I’ve never been able to see the numbers
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
sardar `s girlfriend removed all of her clothes and said
” Treat me like your wife” sardar picked up her clothes and started to wash them …………!
SANTA : EK WARI MAIN CHOTA HUNDA SI, MAIN QUTAB MINAR TO GIR GAYA SI
BANTA”: PHIR BACH GAYA SI K MAR GAYA SI
SANTA”: PATA NAE ODON MAIN CHOTA HUNDA SI
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi…
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
Santa walks into a library & says,
“Can I have a burger and coke?”
Librarian, “I’m sorry, this is a library.”
Santa whispers, “Can I have a burger & fries?”
Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash
santa (scientist) cut a frogs leg n said JUMP. frog jumped. he cuts another leg n say JUMP. .. it jumped. repets for 3ed leg. Now he cuts the fourth leg and say JUMP, frog coudnt jump.
santa wrote the result of his reserch, “If frog losees all its leg it become DEAF”
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
Banta: I’ve discovered the origin of the word Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What’s it? Banta: Many years ago, some husband said to his wife, ‘I’m leaving u!’ & the wife said: Good! Bye!
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr…..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai…?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.;
Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai aur pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata
1- Sardar ji is buying a TV
“Do you have color TVs?”
“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.”
2- Sardar Ji calls Air India.
“How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
“Just a sec,” says the rep.
Thank you.” says the Sardar ji and hangs up.
Santa: I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.
Jeeto: Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata
Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey…
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne Shaadi di movie si !
By: Komal Jain
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’
See what a spelling mistake can do…
Santa went to Goa. Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u were Her
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
“Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!
i dont want nagging from wife : ( , so i wont marry : )
Ek Sardar doosrey Sardar sey bola:
“Bivi aur ghari mey kya faraq hey?”
doosra Sardar bola:
“Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai……
Doosari bigarti hai to “SHUROO’ ho jati hai”
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U’re gonna b really sorry! I’m going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long…..!
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA” shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next…
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di… so tuhade ghar da address dita hai. Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
I’ve been arrested for bein the ugliest person in Britain, can u cum down the police station and show them it’s a mistake?
Clouds r white but the sky is blue,monkey like u should b kept in the zoo, dont get angry ull find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at u. ha! ha! hav
A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me? I’m new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born smart & handsome, but what the hell happend to you?
Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
Wat’s the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over but when u pull a panty the show begins..
A man said 2 his doctor ‘everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection’ the doctor said ‘That’s because u look like a cunt!
I’m popey the sailorman, I’m member of the klu klux clan, when I pull the triger, I kill a fuc***g nigger. I’m popey the sailor man, toet toet.
Mobile phones are the only things in life of which men talk about having the smallest.
Wat’s the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over but when u pull a panty the show begins..
A man said 2 his doctor ‘everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection’ the doctor said ‘That’s because u look like a cunt!
(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!
Sorry! Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, safe sex, leather sex, telephone sex and for people wid a face like urs theres………….masturbation
By: Komal Jain
Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wid a throb of his nob in her gob,Wid a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a good job!
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo … one was caught watching tv … another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
How about you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?
T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network
I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Cuddle-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, SM-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people like you: NO SEX.
Hi, I am an alien and I’m checking for some chicks in your phonebook.. Searching.. Searching.. Searching.. Sorry,no chicks found! Gay?
Conclusion: You Are Gay!
A man can kiss his wife goodbye.A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass! so the world needs YOU after all!
A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Press down.
down more
deeper
more
YES
ahh
ohh
yes
Almost there!
ooh baby
faster
harder
FEEL GOOD?
mmmm
THAT”S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE
INDIA KI REET… Ladki agar apni marzi se de de to PYAAR… Agar Dost Dilwaye to UPHAR… Ghar wale dilwaye to SANSKAR… aur agar apne aap lele to… BaLaTkAar…
1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”
A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: “Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!”
Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!
In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
“I slept wid ur mom last nite”
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy’s response.
He laughs & says, “Lets go home dad, U r drunk”
Sali: Jija ji 500 rs. dedo, agley hafte doongi…
Jija: 1500 lele par abhi de..
(‘)
(‘)
/ /
/ /
(‘)
)/ /
“o (‘)
.’ )/ /
o””o (‘)
( ‘.’ )/ /
o””o (‘) HELLO!
( ‘.’ )/ /
( . )Geeh som1’s got a dirty mind!
(_,_)2 stay
(‘) Young
// +SEXY
(,))
) ‘ (
(_,_)DO
(,))
) ‘ (
(_,_)THiS
//
(,))
) ‘ (
(_,_)MÖre
(,))
(_,_)
(‘)’; OFTEN
// ‘;
(,)) ‘
Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories?
Pappu: Madam, Blue films.
Dil Chahta Hai K Aaj
Aap Ko
Konay Main Le Ja Kar
Ek Danda Le Kar,
Aap Ki,
G
GA
GAN
GAND
GANDH
GANDHI Ji
K Style Main
Photo Khenchon ;->
Q. Last but not least Secret of long life
A. Morning two eggs, evening two pegs……and night two legs
Never reject a girl in life bcoz a gud girl gives u Happiness
and bad girls gives u experience..
Both r essential in life…So enjoy every girl Friend!!!!
Why do guys always have to say:
I’m going to court you now for you to be my girl.
Isn’t it nicer to say:
Just love me now and be my girl and I’ll court you forever!
Jab DEKHU Toh DIL Karta PAKAD Lu; Jab Pakad Lu Toh DIL Karta DABA Du; Jab Daba Du Toh DIL Karta CHHUUS Lu; KYON Ki SaaL Mein EK Baar Jo Aata Hai’AAM’Ka MausSam
Jab “Wo” Andar Jayega to Dard Hoga
Par Tum Awaz Mat karna,,
Warna Sabko Pata Chal Jayega Ki
Aap “Injection” Se Darte ho…!!!
Kissing is like real estate.
The most important thing is
location,
location,
n location! ?
Agr Aapko 18 Saal ki Larki Jhuk Kar Salam Kary
To Aapko Uski Kya Cheez Nazar Aayegi?
Uski Achi sanskar.
Bhai Hath Jorta Hon Kabhi To Sahi Socha Karo. 🙂
Bite The Neck Gently,
Chew The Breast Softly,
Spread The Legs Slowly,
Suck The Juice Excitingly,
That Is The Way To Eat
Tandoori Chicken! 🙂
I have got the most sexy, witty, creative, intelligent wife in the world.
just hope her husband doesn`t know about it.
Uffo kia krte ho
Dur hat jao
Koi dekhe ga to kia soche ga?
Aqal nahi hy kya?
Uf abi nhi karo na
Akele me krna
NAAK SAAF ;->
Hmesha Ganda Soch
Line marne k bht se trike hai jin me se 2 main ap ko batata hun…
1.kachi pencil se.
2.paki pencil se.
I LOVE YOU.
K Speling thik hai k nae.sirf ye conform krna tha.log pta nahi kia smj lety hain
Usne sab k samne awaz lagai
Mene awaz suni to usay pehchan liya
Mene churi nikali
Uski taraf tezi se badha. Aur bola
khan Bhai! churi tez kardo!
Kbhi hath pe
Kbhi hont pe
Kbhi ankh pe
Kbhi Gal pe
Kbhi nak pe
Kiss
Qadar MAKHIYAN tang krti hai
Garmi mai..
ek lrka ek larki
aha aha
adhi raat ko
oho oho
jungle main
wah wah
jhari k peichay
ouii
sab say chup k
UFF
DABA DABA k
aha aha
mango kaha rahey they
Apny Siwa Batao Kabhi Kuch Mila Bhi Hai Tumhain?
Hazaar Baar Li Hain Tum Ne Mery Dil ki Talashiyan
Sometimes opportunity knock at the door, other times the knock spoils the opportunity.
Kya aap bor ho rahe hain kuch karne ka mann ho raha hai?To
Chain kholo
haath andar dalo,
aur
bag se book nikal kar padho.
Jinke pass hai Wo Haat me leke hilate hai.Jinke pass nahi hai wo ungali dalke kam chalate hai…
bolo kya?
Dirty mind?
It is TOOTH BRUSH
Kabhi Raaty main leti hun, Kabhi Din mai leti hun, Jab bhi jarurat pade, Prabhu ka naam leti hun..
Mirchi muh k alaawa or kaha LAGTI h ?
Kheto me pagal.
Tumhara Ulta dimag galat hi sochoge.@
Sensible Lines By A Smoker To His Girlfrnd..
” If you don’t wanna see me smoking,then you better find other ways to keep my lips busy”..
Kissing is the Best Practice 4 Lips,It keeps the LipsWet, soft, Flexible and Reddish Pink,So alwayz keep kissing ToSweet Children Only.
Collge wali Masale dar hoti h
OfficeWali Fikki
GharWali me Taste nhi Ata
HotelWali to Mast Hoti H
Sudhro Kamino
may CHAi ki bat kr raha hu.
Kissing at TOP….
Fingering at MIDDLE…
Firing at bottom …
Yes your right
“CIGARETTE”
‘Smoking is injurious to health’
Suhaney mosam main tumhara saath ho,
Garm bister main kambal orhay tum pass ho,
Mere hont tumhien choney ko tarsain,
Kash aisa kabhi ehsaas ho!
Answers Men Would Like To Give To Women’s Stupid Questions, But Never Will
1. No we can’t be friends; I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn’t make you look fat, its all that fucking
ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You’ve got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won’t be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of
speaking to you after tonight.
9. I’d rather watch a porno.
raghu on being fair in what u say http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYzx1rDx-Q0&NR=1
raghu and hero http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzWwF792Vdg&NR=1&feature=fvwp
raghu on gay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jb6joI7pXDg&NR=1
raghu’s views on livin relationships, marriage, society etc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCBRbSePXoQ&NR=1
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
“You’re fun to hang around with.”
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
“I find you very attractive.”
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton!”
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste!
Meaning of Dreams
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day.
What do you think it means?”
“You shall know tonight”, he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. She found a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” – Anonymous
A Food Valentine
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.
Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our tulips meet.
Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.
i dont hav faltu time for buying gifts, chocolates etc ;-D
What NOT To Give Her For Valentines Day
1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
2. Any food item with the words “diet”, “light”, or “high fiber” on the label.
3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.
4. Flowers from a hospital’s gift shop–or worse, a mortuary’s.
5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
6. A gift certificate.
7. Cash.
8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn’t.
9. An apologetic look and the words “That was today?”
Last minute Valentine’s Day advice
Don’t tell your partner about that perfect present you almost bought.
Don’t give the same Valentine card you gave your partner last year.
Don’t buy the wrong size/brand of anything.
Don’t forget to wear clean underwear.
Don’t tell your date you forgot your wallet again.
Don’t leave your date alone with your parents, flatmates or pet.
Don’t buy your partner household appliances for Valentine’s Day.
Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve.
Don’t give your partner an engagement ring that was meant for someone else!
Don’t club baby fur seals.
Things not to say on your Valentine’s date…
1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.
4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.
5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
6. I like clay. It’s mushy.
7. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.
8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
9. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
10. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
Student of Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean? $300?”
Be My Valentine
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
Background
My dearest wife is always going on and on and ON about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine’s Day. She repeats that it’s the thought that counts.
Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn’t quite take to any of them like I assumed she would. Here’s my list – see what you think:
Brand new mop and bucket.
I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn’t remember.
Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.
I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.
Chocolates left-over from last year’s candy box.
I was thinking of how proud she’d be of me for not wasting food. She’s been nagging me for years to recycle.
Midnight moped ride through the park.
I was thinking that I’m getting too old to be peddling on the bike.
Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. One of my favourites this –
I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.
45 second back massage.
I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.
Windows 7
I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.
Love is Blind?
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, ‘I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.’
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, ‘What’s your condition?’
Phil answered, ‘Tell me your wish in just three words.’
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, ‘Clean my house.’
How long have you been married?
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
‘The first ten years are the hardest.’
‘How long have you been married?’ she asked.
‘Ten years’, he replied.
My One And Only
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’
The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn’t get a date.
mtv rodies theme song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90hJAAmEzxU and see also roadies audition videos on youtube : )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1hET7gbYKo&NR=1&feature=fvwp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0USc2hfE8A&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCBRbSePXoQ&NR=1
if u say u need only one (guru) then y du u need wife (ur second guru). u r simply hypocrite. i can live alone with my sadhguru/god 🙂
people are afraid of living and sleeping alone , but only if u can remain alone, u will be enter into the mystery of truth. Groups of fools cannot enter the divine .
is pyaar se meri taraf na dekho pyar ho jaayega http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkWDGvBU0ZQ&NR=1&feature=fvwp
tum meri zindigi hai sweet song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9R2MEbh3hQ&NR=1
aaye ho meri zindigi mein tum bahar banke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tz0rlBuTtg4
pardesi pardesi song from raja hindustani http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PREUB3_8EJ0&NR=1
I LOVE LISTENING GURUMAA’S BHAJAN —–NI MEIN JAANA SAI DE NAAL : )
someone known to me, when he felt hungry in office, went down and had two idly and two bada for rs 10 only from a vendor who made these from home for selling, the vada’s size was small but it was good and he didnt have sambhar but the chatni was very tasty. i hav great respect and love for this man known to me and also the idly wala : )..my mouth is watering for the idly vada and chutney, ….life is so simple ….we just need to enjoy : )
Love… Aaj Kal
Loving more than one person Kidding,right The hot properties of Tollyville are not afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeve about this
Compiled by Ruman Ganguly
DEV
Too many cooks spoil the broth! Similarly,in matters of the heart,I believe,its better to stick to just one person at a time! Id rather have just one persons name in my dils will!
PAYEL
Love cant be compartmentalized.I can love different men for different reasons.Why put a ceiling on an emotion like love
MIMI
Love is too strong a word to be used randomly.I would reserve this emotion only for one person but,of course,I can admire many.
SUBHASHREE
Im a one-man woman.More doesnt necessarily mean merrier! To me,it is rather,the more the scarier!
SHAHEB
Why have limitations when it comes to love Love is meant to be shared.So,you can love umpteen number of women at the same time! Hope the pretty girls are listening!
GOURAV
I think bhalolaga and bhalobasha are two different feelings.You can like several but you can only love someone special.
PARIS HILTON & CY WAITS
Paris was caught shopping for V-Day in Sunset Boulevard boutique Aahs.A source said,She picked up an edible bikini set,vibrating pink tickler and some raunchy Lovehearts.She spent about $400 in total on Valentines Day stuff. Guess,this will be a raunchy V-Day,eh Paris
IM AN INCURABLE ROMANTIC
This Valentines Day,like every year,is going to be very special for Hrithik Roshan.I really put in an effort when I buy gifts.Not just Sussanne,even if Im gifting something to anyone,I make sure the gift is special, Hrithik says.Ask him to reveal his best moment of romance and he shoots,It is definitely the day I said the three big words to Sussanne.I dont really have great memories of Valentines Day as I was a shy kid and never really had the courage to walk up to the girl I liked and talk to her,forget asking her out.
For Hrithik,love is like oxygen that he can never do without.Im an incurable romantic.I love the concept of being in love with one person throughout my life and Im blessed to have Sussanne.On Valentines Day,Ill renew my vows of being with her and loving her, he adds.
—-Hrithik Roshan
i may liv a life of a vagabond , lukha, useless, good for nothing fellow, i may hav plenty of free time , so i wil do whatever small work as a handyman 😀
i like living alone and while comin back frm office, i may buy aloo chop, pyaji etc and take home and eat with muri etc as my dinner : )
imagine how girls would be thinking abt me as a hot guy , they must be having fantasy of having sex with me and therefore they must be masturbating in my name. also they must be dreaming how i must be opening my clothes everyday after i come back from office, then what sort of tv programmes i must be watching : )
Remember , just like boys hav fantasy for girls , similarly girls hav fantasy for boys : ), so dont consider it a big deal to hav a girl’s liking for u and vice versa, both are lonely and unhappy alone and think abt the other as the sourse of happiness, but two beggars cannot become emperor. one must be king first to actually love anyone : ), that is first love urself and u will become an emperor of love who has enough love for everyone : )
vairag and bhagwan in osho audio sapna ye sansar no. 17 : )
u tell me that i am promoting sex , so y dont u and tell raj kapoor, newspapers, , magazines, advertisement and god (who created sex 🙂
PYAR SHABDO KA MOHTAJ NAHI HOTA
DIL ME HAR KISI KA RAJ NAHI HOTA
Q INTEJAR KARTE HAI LOG VALENTINE’S DAY KA
KYA SALL KA HAR DIN PYAR KA HAQDAR NAHI HOTA
sun ri sakhi song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HF1C2QvpeJw
i dont attend marr bcoz i cant see anyone being sacrificed at the altar coz in ancient times sacrifices were made at the altar – a practice which is still continued in Marriage
u worry abt no friends bcoz u dont know how enemy like friends can be : (, BE AWARE : )
Those who live in misery do not know that happiness has its miseries. Those who live among
enemies do not know that friends have their own conflicts. Those who live in hell do not know that
heaven has its own troubles. How can those who live in darkness imagine that light becomes a
prison?
saints are not good company, even sinners are far better. saints are utterly boring ! Only real saints like upnishad rishi and osho and his sanyasins are juicy people : )
put reasons 4 road accident pic on fb funny album
also put prem rawat’s message pic on fb , also osho’s liv dangerously pic : )
all questions answered in osho’s book , i am that isha upanishad ch 1 ;-D, READ IT EVERYDAY TO BE HAPPY : )
it also contains revelations on women and men’s stupidity 😀
marr is legal slavery and prostitution.
kya bakwas zindigi hai….boring ….sara hua 😦 😀
LISTEN TO OSHO’S AUDIO SAPNA YE SANSAR NO. 15 EVERYDAY TO BE HAPPY 😀
raghu on buddhism,,,om mani padme hum…hinayana or mahayana …..osho also i think liked this om mani padme hum : )
mera khara nahi hota hai …i think erectile dysfunction ….just tell this to anyone , u will be helped : )
o sanam tere ho gaye hum song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJx5mvWzDL4
ye mera dil song kareena http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz0G2UZnZk0
LOVE, but don’t be jealous. LOVE totally but without any ego trip, without any idea to dominate the other : )
Your love can be proved only by one thing: how much freedom you are giving to the other – even the freedom to love others; that is the only indication of your love.
And the miracle is, the more we allow each other to love as many people as possible, you will find the person infinitely loving towards you, because love is not money, love is not a commodity. It is an inner energy which grows by sharing, which dies by not sharing.
RIHANNA-PLEASE DON’T STOP THE MUSIC song Good Girl Gone Bad Live 2008 720p HDTV DD5 1 x264-HDL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=269xcIsgJk0
dil ki tanhai ko aawaj bana leti hai http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qmXu00cbx0
orkut shorkut lage jaruri kaam song from muvi isi life mein : )
Recently , a santmat satsangi lost his wife and son in car accident : Jai Guru Maharaj Jee,
It was the saddest evening on Dec 28, 2010 for my family when I lost my wife
Anupama Mandal and one of the twin sons Abhay in a car accident. I am survived
with my daughter Adya and one of the twin sons Amar. We had celebrated 7th
birthday of our twin sons on Dec 19, 2010. We are still in Ronald Mcdonald
Charity House, 3883, Monroe St, Toledo, OH – 43606 USA for medical follow ups.
My surviving kids are striving hard to survive without their mother and
brother & me without my wife and son. My wife passed away at 42 years of age.
We are satsangi and even did Stuti Vinti in car. This incident has completely
shaken us.
Thanks and regards,
-Atmesh, Adya and Amar
nowadays girls do most breakups , coz they hav many choices . they may even give reasons like ur belly
bahut bahar nikal gaya hai : )
there is ladies special compartments in express train as well with the security by police, atleast u dont need
to hav such security , so u r free, enjoy : )
Rmember to be always happy and relaxed , it will make u look good in pics too. as such will become ur face
permanently. be healthy with exercise daily : )
being a man u hav already much advantages, now stop fearing , remember even good muscular body boy ‘s
face got crushed in train acident, so whatever has to happen will happen ….relax : )
i can work as actor in bold films like indira verma , sarita choudhary and rekha worked in kama sutra : ) also
amir khan , nandita das and others worked in earth, fire (javed jafry , shabana aajmi , kulbhushan kharbanda
and the servant ), etc : )
bahut sara aadmi aise ji raha hai jaise ki pagal khana se bhaag ke aaya hai : )
y r u looking sad my dear, come near me , r u bored with ur bike, no prob, do u want a car —–good dialogue
frm muvi dil toh baccha hai ji : )
gurumaa is my darling : )
lazyness is godly…time is coming soon , when u will be paid more if u choose not to work : )
if i was unaware of colliding with u , as i was running for meeting my earthly lover, then how could u be aware
of the collison when u were yearning for ur divine lover 🙂
REAL PRAYER–yearning for ur divine lover —god in osho audio sapna yeh sansar no 18 : )
burn fat, not fuel so go green and ride bicycle : )
there is no love sincerer than the love of food 🙂
kya surat kya surat hai kya surat hai song bombay vikings http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HJQTjVsFig
if u say , its ok that , u will not marry if ur wife dies, but what abt ur morality then , u may rape as u said
unmarried man may rape. And if u say u wont rape bcoz u had exoperience of sex, then i would say , then u
can hav experience of sex through prostitutes too : ). So kuch bhi karne se pehle soch lena chaiye : )
anushka in band baja baarat hot kissing scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s_Q9EK1ad8
a rich man was saying to his cook, that how much can u store in the refrigerator in the upper portion of the bungalow. …and how much fruits can be stored in the refrigerator…how much is wasted as “chilka”….etc…and there is transport cost of buying fruits everday etc….
ye raat bheegi bheegi song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7I6uhsB93g&NR=1
Babuji Dheere Chalna song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A35PbjcKoBA
Aankhon hi aanknon mein ishara song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–sA1FZ7slY&NR=1
Jaane kahan mera jigar gaya ji song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNqscrhjCkw
Hai Apna Dil To Awara na Jane Kis Pe Aye Ga song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xYl-2bh1RQ
Zara Nazron Se Kehdo Ji – Bees Saal Baad (1962) song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4l7r3qJkBw
Pretty Woman original english song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBSpSr7LN-0
ishq tera terpawe -sukhbir song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNuL6aJMQ4o&NR=1
chandanpur station mentioned in CASTAWAY story by rabindranath tagore : )…..with scanes of storm described nicely : )
simple life is better like having a small room on terrace with green lime wash on walls with a single bilb as light and simple food being cooked in cauldron on stove : )
is pyar ko mein kya naam do song
breakup with bf/gf is fun too : )
ranveer in mtv rodies sais rich guys shoud hav this attitude that mein rich uhu to hu, mere ko koi problem nahi hai : )
Gur Naal Ishq Mitha – Bally Sagoo song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuLAcZtxzwM
pretty womAN song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Hdjp1lEeWU
LAGI TUMSE MAN KI LAGAN SONG http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtkzGk_bUao
alllah ke bande hasde song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UuJK5Z_ltE
teri deewani hd song kailash kher http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6CqANW49J0
someone was asking for rs 4k from a rich man ,he said i dont hav cash right now, 4 k is not a big deal , u may do hisab later.
o daddy cool cool song shadi hai barwadi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHSJ-g33BAQ
o daddy cool cool song 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYOE5QBLnPM&NR=1
DIL KI TANHAI KO song shahrukh khan beging http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCAJXhfE5V8&NR=1
a rich man was shouting to his servants , to go and beat a person who is burning papers near his bunglaw, he is ordering them to report him to police, as the dirty smoke is enetring his bunglaw.
Ranvir of mtv rodies said in this country , just getting any kind of job is a big deal , 4get abt gettig the job of ur choice, and u rich girl having ur own personal car, u left the job of an air hostess , just bcoz u didnt like being a waitress in aeroplane.!!!
there is risk of disabled childeren in marriage…its better to hav testtube babies made from the sperm and eggs of happy and healthy mentaly , physically and spiritually people , instead of passing on our physical and mental diseases to our so called children…..who will take care of ur disabled childern when u r gone….
agar tum kisi ka bura cahata hai to bas uska shaadi kar wa de : ( 😀
BOMBAY VIKING – ZARA NAZRO SE song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEl1f7Sdc80&NR=1
Hawa mein udta jaaye song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fUM1_m3Ugg&NR=1
VARIOUS ARTISTS – Saamne Yeh Kaun Aaya song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CLMCJLM7xw
UTUP – Haseen Nazrane song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMMZLn-oY6w
bally sagoo song aaja re aaja re o mere dilbar aaja Noorie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwVoljfVfP8&NR=1
APP JAISA KOI MERI ZINDIGI MEIN AAYE song remix http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4TMHUSHGLU&NR=1
i am in love with god and god loves fun , so i connect to god through fun : )
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